Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Sincerely, if you want respect, earn it
You participating in our class discussions isn't helping anyone. Thanks.
Sincerely, Have to start remembering a snack
Dear guys who hate Twilight,
So I'm the gay one when I just went to a movie theatre full of girls and got half of their numbers?
Sincerely, you call it gay, I call it strategy
Please salt your sidewalks.
Sincerely, tasted a little bland when I fell
I have a lot of jokes about unemployed people.
Sincerely, but none of them really work...
Dear Harry Potter fans,
Harry was a descendant of the 3rd brother from the group who made the Deathly Hallows. Voldemort was a descendant of the 2nd brother. This means that Harry and Voldemort were distant cousins.
Sincerely, talk about family feuds
Dear high schoolers,
You know how you hate those annoying twelve-yr-olds trying to be cool? That's how we feel about you.
Sincerely, College Kids
Dear Crying Girl,
What's wrong? Heartbreak? Rejection? Cheating boyfriend? Wishing you could go back to December?
Sincerely, there's a Taylor Swift song for that
Dear Judgmental Idiots,
Just because I'm slim, fashionably dressed, have a slicked-back hairdo, and a sexy accent, does not mean that I'm gay.
Sincerely, I'm French.
Dear Math Teacher,
Please stop playing the Titanic theme song during our tests
Sincerely, it's not funny
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Sincerely, I don't think dogs care
You were right.
Sincerely, Ex-Varsity Footballer, Current Wal-Mart Cashier.
Dear 6 year old girl I'm babysitting,
Your comments make TV worth watching again.
Sincerely, yes, the guy on Wipeout devoting his run to the girl host will always be single.
You've managed to unlock my iPhone and beat my high score on temple run.
Sincerely, Teach Me Your Ways