Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear teacher,
Did you really have to make the first 10 test answers choice "A?"
Dear parents,
Please note that when I say "I'm full" I'm referring to my ''dinner stomach." My "desert stomach" is still empty and awaiting the chocolate cake you made.
Dear school,
If the sun isn't up... I shouldn't be either.
Dear wall,
...suddenly you're extremely interesting.
Dear Marines,
I just shot a spider off my roof with a Nerf gun.
Dear guys,
The only person who can get away with saying "Boo-yah!" is the naked mole rat from Kim Possible...
Dear Suave Shampoo,
How do you know what "Refreshing Waterfall Mist" smells like?
Dear teacher bending over to help a student next to me,
Please make sure your butt isn't in someone's face before you do that.
Dear humans,
Do not take me for granted. I am the difference between the rapist and therapist.
Dear Halloween,
Thank you for allowing me to buy a dozen bags of candy by myself without anyone giving me a second look.
Dear homophobic teacher,
If being gay, lesbian, or bisexual is a disease, I'm calling in sick tomorrow.
Dear diet,
Haha, you and what army?
Dear Mom,
My room was clean, but then I had to decide what to wear...
Dear science major,
I still don't think those are real words, but I'm tired of arguing with you.
Dear only other person walking toward me at the end of this long hall,
Is this as awkward for you as it is for me.
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