Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear guy who flipped me off on the freeway,
Sorry to burst your bubble, but it's not scary coming from the driver of a Bug...
Dear extra cling Saran Wrap,
I was about to stick you to something...have patience.
Dear dog,
Keep that tongue away from my face.
Dear Charlie Brown,
You realize that Lucy keeps pulling the football away because she likes you, right?
Dear dyslexic people,
Do you ever walk into MACY's thinking it's the YMCA?
Dear parents everywhere,
You'd better tell your kids about puberty and sex before I explain it to them in HD.
Dear school earthquake drill,
Please do not ask me to get under the desk.
Dear health-freak parents,
If you ever try to sneak protein powder into my pancakes again, I'm pouring acid on your vegetable garden.
Dear "Virgin Diaries" on TLC,
Yes, I realize you've never kissed before, but you looked like two fish sucking each others faces.
Dear people wearing the pants extremely low,
You do realize that sagging trend was started in prison, and it symbolized that they were willing to have gay sex with the other inmates, right?
Dear cat,
Just because you bathe in the middle of the kitchen for all to see does not give you a front row seat to me getting in the shower.
Dear Harry Potter World in Orlando,
I bet Harry Potter didn't have to pay $10.50 for butterbeer.
Dear "Baby It's Cold Outside",
Please let her go home.
Dear Selena Gomez,
Somebody told me you had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend.
Dear people I'm getting introduced to,
So are we gonna hug or shake hands?
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