Thank you for preparing me for the time when I'll have to figure out the lengths of the mid-segments of an isosceles triangle.
Sincerely, oh wait...
The other day, I had this CRAZY dream...
Just think, ten years ago, we didn't even know each other. Bless this generation for bringing us together!
Dear people who check behind the shower curtain,
At least when I do it, I have a baseball bat in hand.
Sincerely, thinking ahead.
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Sorry you got put in the middle of this.
Sincerely, men and women.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Sincerely, well, I'll be taking those back now...
Yep...You caught me...I'm actually a Wiccan.
Sincerely, it's just black nail polish.
There can only be one.
I missed you!
Sincerely, girl who doesn't clean that often.
Can you please be as easy as half the girls in my class?
Sincerely, failing student.
I found the $100 without needing to clean. I think you need to find a better hiding place that isn't under my pillow.
Sincerely, son who is now $100 richer.
Dear skinny guy riding a motorcycle who nodded at me,
Just because you are riding a motorcycle does not automatically make you cool or attractive.
Sincerely, your butt crack is showing.
Dear Taylor Swift,
Is "back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine" code for "I really liked him, but then I became too famous for him?
Sincerely, seeing through your lyrics.