Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear thief,
It's not because you're black, it's because you stole my bike...
Dear "diamonds are a girl's best friend",
Actually it's deodorant and really good razors...
Dear people with lisps,
No offense, but does the voice in your head talk with a lisp too?
Dear cute boy who I like,
Please keep looking back and giving me the annoyed look every time your ex-girlfriend starts flirting with you.
Dear Disney Channel,
I'm a teenager, I can act like an idiot, I can't sing, and I am a horrible actor.
Dear girls who wear extra padded bras,
He's going to be a bit disappointed, don't you think?
Dear patient who complained about your appointment being late,
I'm sorry if you're late for your coffee date, I was talking a girl out of suicide.
Dear Walmart,
Please stop using five people to greet me and put them on a register.
Dear period,
Are you going to show up soon, or should I call the Vatican?
Dear boy in a class of 15 freezing girls,
Offering your jacket to a girl is like offering up a piece of your soul...
Dear boyfriend,
When I asked, "What are you wearing?" And you replied with, "Cookie Monster jammies," I knew you were the one.
Dear Urban Dictonary,
Thank you...
Dear vitamin company,
Yeah, maybe making your vitamins taste like candy wasn't the best idea.
Dear people gardening,
Just because it's 94 degrees does not mean I want you to spray me with your hose while I run by...
Dear Life,
Why can't you be a computer? I just want to delete the history and restart.
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