Dear college,
I have received your rejection letter by mistake, and I will be attending your school in the fall, as planned.
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
We should have warned you that one little prick could ruin everything.
Dear men who make sexist jokes,
Sure everyone laughs, but you remain single.
Dear Internet,
Please make a sarcasm font.
Dear vegetarians,
I can sympathize. People keep telling me about the meat I'm missing out on too.
Dear gassy people during winter,
If we can see your breath, guess what else we can see...
Dear mascara,
You're not the only one she opens her mouth for.
Dear bubble wrap factory workers,
How do you resist popping the bubbles?
Dear salsa claiming to have a "authentic Mexican flavor",
This is what Mexicans taste like?
Dear females who somehow manage to pee on the toliet seat,
Please remain seated for the duration of the ride.
Dear boys,
Feeling my boobs from the outside of my shirt does nothing for me.
Dear Mario,
I'm sorry that I cheated on you but have you seen what Yoshi can do with that tongue?
Dear photographer,
I did NOT blink.
Dear Halloween costumes,
Yeah, we wish the uniforms were that hot.
Dear world,
When life hands you: High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumarate, Yellow 5, Tocopherol and Less than 2% Natural Flavors... MAKE LEMONADE!
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