Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear guys,
I don't need tight clothes or tons of makeup to get you to like me. I will seduce you with my awkwardness.
Dear Apple and Blackberry,
Have you ever considered teaming up to make the ultimate device?
Dear line of dirt on the floor,
WHY WON'T YOU COOPERATE?!
Dear boyfriend,
You're eighteen, and still cover your eyes during kiss scenes?
Dear people who make comments about fourth graders' relationship statuses on Facebook,
.....Why are you friends with a fourth grader to begin with?
Dear newborn babies,
Welcome to our society. When you grow up, you will be judged on what you wear, which music you listen to, what you look like, how you act, who you hang around with, and on practically every other personal trait and imperfection about you, and you'll be made fun of for being who you are. Enjoy your stay.
Dear parents who say I sleep too much,
Wouldn't you prefer me staying at home and sleeping alone all day than going out and sleeping with boys?
Dear cut on my leg,
I got you from shaving. You don't need to make it look like a murder scene just went down in the tub.
Dear teachers,
I'm pretty sure going to the bathroom is a necessity, not a priviledge.
Dear people who are on no carb diets,
I hope you realize that fruits, veggies, and dairy are all carbohydrates.
Dear extremely overweight women,
Please stop wearing clothes that would only fit if you were 100 pounds lighter.
Dear freshmen girls in my apartment,
It's really not attractive when you get drunk and lose all control over your bodily functions. No one thinks you're cute with puke on your shirt.
Dear college,
I am a left handed ginger.
Dear early bird,
Go ahead and have your worm. By the time I wake up, the bacon should be ready.
Dear boyfriend,
When I say I wanna go see the muppets movie, its not code for lets make out in the back row for the whole movie.
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