Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Bra,
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Dear boyfriend,
What?
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Dear teens about to do homework,
You should go on Facebook, someone liked your status. Oh, and update your Twitter too, you haven't done that since like yesterday! Don't forget to check your email though. Oh, and your AIM. Did I mention that YouTube has a hilarious new video?
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
Dear sun,
My whole world revolves around you.
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Dear Maybelline,
Please use a different catchphrase.
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Dear Ariel,
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Dear parents who name their kids "Christian",
I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest.
Dear people losing sleep,
Tired? There's a nap for that.
Dear optimists, pessimists and realists,
The glass is actually 51.1256 % filled.
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