Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear mom,
Why do I have to clean my room BEFORE the cleaning lady gets here?
Dear Google Translate,
"I like cookies" is not the same thing as "cookies pleasure me."
Dear hot guy at the party,
Why don't you look as hot on Facebook?
Dear TSA officer,
Please stop examining my tampons, they're not bombs.
Dear people who leave candy out on Halloween,
News flash, we don't take just one.
Dear boy that broke my heart,
I still have the video you made of you dancing around to "Womanizer" in a chicken costume.
Dear "Psychology of Sex" teacher,
Please stop using yourself as an example. You're seventy years old and I don't want to hear about your boners.
Dear friend,
We have different definitions of "spicy."
Dear roommate,
Please stop complaining about your homework. If you haven't noticed yet, everyone in college has it.
Dear Sarah Palin,
Being govenor of Alaska is like being the principal of a home school.
Dear women's jeans makers,
Some women actually put things in their pockets.
Dear Victoria's Secret,
My boobs are bulletproof now, right?
Dear world,
When 90 people got the swine flu, everyone wanted to wear masks. Millions of people have AIDS, and no one wants to wear a condom.
Dear fun fact lovers,
Snails have four noses, hippo milk is pink, a pregnant goldfish is called a twit, the dot above an "i" is called a tittle, the average person spends 2 weeks waiting for the stoplight to change, the cigarette lighter was invented before the match, platypuses sweat milk for their young.
Dear Barnes & Noble,
"Teen Paranormal Relationships" is not a genre...
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