Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Sincerely, Cell Phone.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Sincerely, creeped out.
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.
Dear teens about to do homework,
You should go on Facebook, someone liked your status. Oh, and update your Twitter too, you haven't done that since like yesterday! Don't forget to check your email though. Oh, and your AIM. Did I mention that YouTube has a hilarious new video?
Sincerely, procrastination and the Internet have joined forces.
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
My whole world revolves around you.
Sincerely, a person on earth.
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Sincerely, rapidly expanding wardrobe.
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Sincerely, you're an idiot.
Please use a different catchphrase.
Sincerely, try "Maybe It's Photoshop!"
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Sincerely, male cheerleaders.
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Sincerely, it's true...
Dear parents who name their kids "Christian",
I'd like to introduce you to my son Muslim, my daughter Jew and my cousin Athiest.
Sincerely, it is the same thing...
Dear people losing sleep,
Tired? There's a nap for that.