Dear "You're Beautiful size 2 or 22.",
Well this sucks.
Sincerely, Size 23
Dear WebMD symptom checker,
Wow. I just have a stomach ache.
Sincerely, "foreign object in the rectum"
Dear consumers of eggs from non-private sources,
There is no such thing as a "free range" chicken egg. That term means nothing; the government (in the U.S. at least) does not even regulate its use. The chickens who are laying your eggs are being abused terribly--not to mention all the rooster chicks who are simply thrown into bins (where they fall atop one another and are crushed or suffocated). I am not trying to be condescending in any way, but please be aware of where your food is coming from.
Sincerely, a vegetarian transitioning to veganism
Dear life,
I am writing to you to express my dissatisfaction. First, I didn't ask to be here. You put me here. That started us off on a bad foot. Given that rocky start, I'd think you'd strive to be a good host. But no. You fill this place with unpleasant surprises. As if that's not enough, at some point I apparently cease to exist, in a manner that is most likely shocking, painful, and tragic. Can you say rip off?
Sincerely, Please provide a refund
Dear Females,
Cramps are caused by your abdominal muscles becoming worn out. If you wish to avoid this pain, do more sit ups.
Sincerely, The More You Know
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Sincerely, Mike Wazowski
Dear "Pregnant but still a virgin",
You do realize you can still get pregnant if you are fooling around with a guy, right? If semen gets near the vaginal area, it is possible for it to enter there, which could lead to pregnancy.
Sincerely, SO KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS!
Dear other moms telling me my daughter's misbehavior is normal,
Just because it's normal, doesn't mean it's acceptable
Sincerely, It's not even your kid she smacked...
Dear Brain,
Why did you betray me?!
Sincerely, why did you tell me it'd be a good idea to see what baby formula tastes like?
Dear concerned people,
Please don't donate to the Red Cross. They save the money for a few months and only donate it if they feel it is still needed.
Sincerely, Please donate to local OK charities
Dear Yankee Candle,
Seriously? Candles for men?
Sincerely, and what exactly is a touchdown supposed to smell like?
Dear Scoop Neck Shirts,
Thank you for acting as a net for food I drop
Sincerely, I <3 Cleavage Corn
Dear guy I previously thought wasn't a sexist,
When I said I was going to med school, thanks for assuming I am going to be an RN
Sincerely, correct me if I am wrong but this is the 21st century and women can be real doctors too...
Dear Parents,
Did you know that, on average, high school students today have the same amount of anxiety seen in psychiatric patients in the 1950's?
Sincerely, and you wonder why I'm always stressed...
Dear people,
Please don't only blame the fashion industry for skinny models. Some designers tried to do shows with normal sized women and the shows failed miserably.
Sincerely, if you want them to change, you have to change, too.
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