Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Justin Bieber,
The country music awards? Really?
Dear friend who got her phone taken; so is now using mine,
Please delete the messages between you and your boyfriend before you give my phone back.
Dear Pooh,
We can only make so much honey!
Dear mom,
Please stop thinking that because the door is closed and you hear screaming doesn't mean my boyfriend and I are having sex.
Dear "gangstas" with low pants and backwards hats,
This is a toy store.
Dear girls complaining about bad cramps,
Try being afraid of blood.
Dear Dairy Queen,
Will you marry me?
Dear mom,
Yes my project is finished!!... Wait you want to see it?!!!
Dear never ending story,
Why are the credits rolling?
Dear Facebook,
Please never make a legitimate "who's viewing your profile app."
Dear life insurance company sending mail to my grandma,
She has been dead for three months.
Dear boyfriend,
Please realize that my date with you is the only reason I have not eaten the chicken garlic pizza sitting in my fridge.
Dear best friend,
When I die, please change my Facebook status to "chillin with Jesus."
Dear zombies,
You should have gone to ancient Egypt. They put brains in easy-to-acess containers.
Dear English teacher,
I thought you said Play-Doh.
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