Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Edward Scissorhands,
I'm sorry you'll never be able to win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Dear cake in the fridge labled "Do not eat me!",
Don't tell me what to do!
Dear companies who fire their employees for things posted on their Facebook pages,
Stop creepin'!
Dear guy staring at me,
Please stop undressing me with your eyes. You could get so much further if you used that energy to just come talk to me.
Dear college girls,
Seriously, stop doing it for attention. You're giving us all a bad name.
Dear dogs,
Peeing on things to mark your territory was a great idea, thanks!
Dear mom,
If you're always saying "You shouldn't care what other people think about you," why do you obsessively clean the house every time we have guests?
Dear calculus,
Cee Lo Green called, he said "forget you."
Dear girl on the mat stretching in front of me,
Thank you for turning me into a marathon runner.
Dear Japan,
Please be careful with the radiation in the water. We don't want a REAL Godzilla showing up...
Dear floor,
I did not fall, I attacked you.
Dear children,
YO_ S_CK AT T_IS GA_E.
Dear girlfriend,
<4.
Dear Lady Gaga,
Do you have you on your iPod?
Dear desperate single women,
I really don't see what all the "I need a man" fuss is about. Mr. Fluffywuffytinklebottoms has never asked me to make him a sammich.
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