Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear person who told me to 'can the sarcasm',
Please. I use fresh sarcasm, never canned.
Dear coworker who looked at me in disgust when I announced my engagement,
So it's okay to be 21 and have three half Mexican kids who don't know their father but I can't be 19, a virgin, and planning to marry the guy I've been dating for four years?
Dear traffic lights,
I know you're conspiring against me...
Dear public schools,
America's struggling with obesity and you're telling me I have to pay $130 to participate in school sports?
Dear friends,
I give you permission to change my Facebook and Twitter status to "Chilling with Jesus" when I die.
Dear Sodium,
We have a son, his name is Salt.
Dear "One Size Fits All",
Hahahaha, right...
Dear bully from high school,
Thanks for pushing us into the same locker.
Dear couple sucking face in public,
Actually, my boyfriend and I do know what it is like to be that much in love.
Dear Taylor Swift,
How is it that you have only been alive for 3 years more than me, but you've had about 30 times more boyfriends?!
Dear prejudiced and judgmental Americans,
The Muslim families at the community center in my neighborhood were just as terrified as the rest of us on 9/11.
Dear teachers,
Sitting boy-girl-boy-girl isn't punishment anymore.
Dear woman who just asked me how far along I am,
I'm not pregnant.
Dear kids who star in rated R movies,
Are you allowed to watch them after?
Dear those in need of a new drinking game,
Get your hands on a copy of Twilight, then take a shot every time Bella uses the word 'perfect' to describe Edward's face, body, voice etc.
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