Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear splits,
Just...a...little...bit...further....
Dear super sharp pencil,
Thank you for making me feel like I'm writing with a quill and am therefore a wizard.
Dear fans,
If Kayne managed to steal the mic, is Taylor really swift?
Dear cop who pulled me over,
When you asked if I was lost and I said "yes" I wasn't kidding.
Dear stomach,
You're absolutely positive you don't want another sandwich?
Dear wall,
When did you get there?
Dear mom,
Is it as awkward for you as it is for me?
Dear America's Got Talent,
Two British judges and a Canadian judge?
Dear older brother,
Please stop making me do all your chores.
Dear vampires,
Humans are annoyed with you too? You drink blood? You follow people around when they don't want you too? Join the club!
Dear dude who said "it's raining like hell out there",
Rain in hell? Do go on...
Dear diet,
Please don't take this personally but I kinda cheated on you with the chocolate cake... More than once a week...
Dear dog who just sniffed my crotch,
Whoa! Please don't.
Dear horrified sister,
Why are you looking at my browser history?
Dear Math,
Please stop whining. At least you have an x. Stop rubbing your relationship history in my face.
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