Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear men,
Please think with the head that has the brain.
Dear mom,
You yell at me when I leave my shoes in the hall, but it's ok for you to leave your bra on the couch?
Dear guest in my home,
No, you'll have to pee in the ditch outside like the rest of us.
Dear manly men who aren't afraid of anything,
Tampons.
Dear teen underwear models,
What's it like knowing that all your classmates and teachers know what you look like in lacy bras and thongs?
Dear middle school teacher who told me I would amount to nothing,
The view from my dorm room at Harvard is great.
Dear guy I like,
I was so disappointed when I heard you say "I love you" to someone else on the phone...
Dear teachers during fire drills,
I'm pretty sure if there was a real fire I wouldn't be silent or walking slowly in a single file line.
Dear university that is emailing me,
Please make sure that your grammar and spelling is correct before you send out your letters to prospective students.
Dear dogs that are barking,
There is NOTHING out there!
Dear boys,
I've seen your girlfriend naked.
Dear Internet,
Please invent a website where you can type something in and Morgan Freeman's voice will read it out loud.
Dear money,
Ever heard of asexual reproduction?
Dear Romeo and Juliet,
You had sex and died. TOLD YOU!
Dear kids,
Please be advised that as you grow up, you will discover that we DO still exist, but feel free to use our grown-up name, not cooties.
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