Dear twilight fans,
I saw a man with a shirt that said, "team: guy who almost nailed bella with a car."
Sincerely, he is my new best friend.
Dear teacher who just told the bully in the class I might be her boss someday,
Not likely, I don't plan on being a pimp when i grow up.
Dear Trojan condom commercial,
"These condoms were tested three times." So...you're telling me this is someone's JOB? TO TEST CONDOMS?
Sincerely, dropping out of college.
Dear random 6th grader in the hall,
Thank you for yelling I FOUND YOU!!! When I was wearing a red and white striped shirt, jeans, and glasses
Sincerely, you made my day
Bloody hell? Yeah about once a month.
Please come and pick Peach up. She is way too high maintenance.
Dear 'it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eyeball',
Then it's a new game, 'FIND THE EYEBALL!'
Sincerely, Did you not see that one coming?
I now fully understand your pain.
Sincerely, jogger that just got chased down the road by a crazy dog.
Thanks for not bleeding every month
Dear Trojan Vibrator Commercial,
Thanks for making it just a tad bit awkward as I was watching TV with my parents.
Sincerely, glad it can be bent into different positions.
Wait...It's against the law for me to tie an alligator to a fire hydrant? Well, shoot. Where will I tie him now?
Dear gullible boys,
I loved seeing your face when I told you girls go to the bathroom together because there are two toilets in a stall and girls don't want to go to the bathroom with a stranger...
Sincerely, Your reaction just made my day.
Oh? You sell clothes here? I came in to buy the hot shirtless guys you advertise...
Thanks SO much for having your penis out at the zoo today. THAT was fun to explain to the kids I babysit.
Sincerely, "oohhhhh what is that bird doing over there???"