Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear best guy friend,
We made a bet in highschool that we wouldn't last dating. I said two weeks. You said two months.
Dear Jersey Shore,
Please give me my little sister back.
Dear little kid at the park,
Please keep thinking I have "metal arms." It's adorable.
Dear Harry Potter,
Your mom died trying to protect you, too? We should be friends!
Dear dad,
Please continue to open the sunroof and blast Adele songs on the highway when I'm feeling low.
Dear undergrad who wrote on my teaching review "Strengths: Good Mustache.",
Thank you for making it all worthwhile.
Dear nice romantic boys,
I'm too old for hide-and-go-seek now.
Dear kid I babysit,
Your name is Ariel... and you named your dog Flounder...
Dear 4 year old cousin,
He asked you to hand him the "skin color" crayon, so you gave him tan, yellow, peach, brown, and black.
Dear person who said that a condom was too expensive to buy,
The average child costs 200,000 dollars to raise.
Dear tampon,
For such a small thing, you come with some big warnings....
Dear bubble wrap makers,
How do you get all the air into each individual bubble?
Dear smokers,
No one wants to stand downwind of me, either.
Dear biology class,
Yes, I just made a Wookie sound when our biology teacher mentioned science fiction. What're you going to do about it?
Dear wife,
Please stop using PMS as an excuse. You get your period once a month, not once a week.
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