Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Disney Channel,
You keep using that word, "Disney," I don't think you know what it means. You know nothing of my work.
Dear girls,
Santa saw your Facebook, and this year he's getting you clothes for Christmas.
Dear guy friends,
Either set me up with someone or date me yourself.
Dear future grandchildren,
...and back in my day, a song only cost $0.99!
Dear boys,
We go to the bathroom in groups so we can talk about you. And no, it's not always good things we say.
Dear kindergardeners that already hate school,
You have snack time, nap time, and coloring. We have SATs, college applications, and four hours of homework. Shut up.
Dear chocolate chip cookies,
They may eat more of you, but they like me better!
Dear kids making fun of my old phone,
Last night in the parking lot, in the pouring rain, I dropped my phone. It bounced twice and skidded ten feet before landing in a puddle under my car. It's perfectly fine.
Dear LEGOS,
Why do you always have to be on the floor... in the dark... in the way of my foot?
Dear rest of my sex-ed class,
Please stop staring at me, this is awkward enough...
Dear viewers,
The object directly to your left is your weapon during the zombie apocalypse.
Dear teacher,
I studied all week, all night, secretly during class, and tried to remember everything you taught us.
Dear Canada,
You gave us Nickelback, we gave you Miley Cyrus. You gave us Justin Bieber, we gave you Rebecca Black... Your move.
Dear Mr. Right ,
You and Waldo must be best friends...
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