Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear England,
Please explain why your authors first names are so mysterious.
Dear ex boyfriend,
Glad you're moving on. I'm hooking up with two guys now.
Dear strict dress code at my school,
My collar bones can't show. Really?
Dear guy with bronchitis,
I felt bad for you until you lit up that cigarette.
Dear skinny girl in the locker room,
Next time you say you're fat just to get attention, I'm going to agree with you.
Dear older sister,
You changed all my contacts to Harry potter characters, didn't you?
Dear Muslim who stubbed his toe,
Do you scream "Allah damnit!"
Dear adorable British boyfriend,
In America we drive on the right side of the road...
Dear jock in my history class,
Thank you for saying, "but I'm on my period!" when the teacher wouldn't let you go to the restroom.
Dear world,
Step one: buy some glow sticks and bubbles. Step two: break the glow sticks in the bubble solution.
Dear Homecoming date,
You won the dance off, made friends with everyone, and shocked everyone when you weren't crowned homecoming King.
Dear person who toilet papered my neighbors house,
You just made my day.
Dear Blue from Blue's Clues,
Woah, woah, woah! So let me get this straight! You're a GIRL!? And Magenta is a BOY?!
Dear parents shopping for Christmas,
Please remember: just because your three year old grandson wants the Lion King on blue ray doesn't mean that your twenty-five year old daughter doesn't want the exact same thing.
Dear boys,
Dicks should be in your pants... Not in your personality.
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