Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear parents,
When I said I was going to write a novel, I wasn't joking...
Dear underage girls taking pictures with beer cans,
Surprise!
Dear people who freak out about looks,
We all know it's whats on the inside that counts.
Dear curious people,
Yeah, I do shampoo it... condition too.
Dear Mom,
If my friends jumped off a bridge it would be because I jumped first.
Dear college,
I really am giving up my first born child to attend you.
Dear "Money can't buy happiness",
Money can buy bubble wrap, Disney films and Harry Potter merchandise.
Dear elderly couple in the car,
You didn't have to panic and quickly drive off when I knocked on your window. Your tire was flat.
Dear Prince Charming,
Why did you kiss Snow White if you thought she was dead?
Dear Lady Gaga,
My dresses are still way cooler than yours.
Dear Will. I. Am,
When you die, will your name be Will. He. Was?
Dear Congress,
Tequila comes from cactus. Cactus is a vegetable. Can we declare tequila a vegetable too?
Dear little sister's boyfriend,
I am one of the few people in the world who can kill you and get away with it.
Dear strobe lights,
Thank you for making any dance look awesome.
Dear giant spider on the wall I'm about to kill,
On second thought, you can have it. I didn't really want to be in that room anyways.
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