Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Mr. President,
Roses are red, violets are blue, Osama is dead, can I now bring my shampoo?
Dear National Geographic article about hippos eating people,
I THOUGHT THEY ONLY ATE WHITE MARBLES!!!!
Dear Dad,
Please clear your internet history...
Dear Americans,
No, I don't speak Canadian.
Dear jerk ex-boyfriend,
Please continue to tell me repeatedly that I'm never going to find anyone else like you.
Dear paycheck,
OM NOM NOM.
Dear people trying to make a point,
...
Dear boyfriend,
Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean this is like The Little Mermaid. There is no talking crab who's going to tell you when it's okay to kiss me.
Dear Apple,
"If you don't have an iphone, you don't have an iphone".
Dear people of the world,
I will always be ahead of you, and in the future.
Dear Tarzan,
Watch out for that tree!
Dear Mufasa,
You only had one life left? Oh, my bad...
Dear parents,
Just because I eat my burritos sideways doesn't mean you have to stare at me like I have two heads.
Dear girls who's prom dresses look like two pieces of cloth held together by a beaded string,
Are you dyslexic??
Dear women,
It's not men's fault they look at your boobs. More massive objects bend more light.
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