Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear freezing boyfriends,
Yes, we are warm in your sweatshirts.
Dear Girls who say "suck it",
Either you have severely misjudged your anatomy, or I have.
Dear cute boy in statistics class,
What is the probability of you turning around and us having a statistically significant ratio?
Dear cruel world,
I am smart, kind, generous, caring, and funny. My roommate is rude, selfish, loud, and inconsiderate. One of us has a boyfriend, and it's not me.
Dear roommate who pretends to be asleep,
I can see you in the mirror.
Dear girlfriend,
I wasn't trying to type "your face is so prehy594g48vweert."
Dear monkeys,
We like maple syrup too...
Dear iPhone 4S,
I asked you "What is the meaning of life?" You respond "Based on most recent data, I think it's chocolate."
Dear Furbie I found in my closet,
...I got rid of you six years ago... HOW DID YOU GET BACK?!
Dear doctor who asked me if I was pregnant,
Yes. Yes I am.
Dear stupid friends,
Please stop getting mad when I answer "yes" when you ask if the dress makes you look fat.
Dear little kids,
Well maybe I hate you too!
Dear angry customers,
Please realize that if there was a freaking table to sit you at I would gladly seat you. You coming up to the stand is not going to make people eat any faster. Get over it. You can take a seat on the floor if you'd like!
Dear boys,
Please be advised that if you break up with a girl, the LAST thing she wants is to "still be friends."
Dear inventor of earings,
Did you just wake up one day and decide to poke holes in your ears?
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