Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear step mom,
Thanks for being a little less step, and a little more mom.
Dear "I'm not drunk!",
You cut open all my pineapples while yelling "SPONGEBOB I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE!"
Dear Black Music Awards,
Please tell me why it's ok that you have your own award ceremony, but if we had our own it would be racist.
Dear people who believe that the world will end In 2012,
You realize that the Mayans also believed people were made of corn, right?
Dear "What would happen if a black hole opened next to the Earth?",
...It would suck.
Dear mom with child on a leash at walmart,
Please don't give me a death stare when I start laughing you.
Dear fashion industry,
How are you making money if only one percent of the population can fit into your clothes?
Dear boy asking me to make him a sandwich,
Do you prefer 1 knuckle or 2?
Dear "do you ride kangaroos to school?",
Nah mate, the cool kids ride Emu's.
Dear Juliet,
...and that's how you fake a death.
Dear "Violence is never the answer",
What if the question is "What's never the answer?"
Dear people staring at me at the airport,
Sorry, too poor for an iPad.
Dear customer,
Don't get upset at me when I don't lift your 20 pound bag of dog food.
Dear small patch of hair on legs I always miss,
I. HATE. YOU.
Dear Mom and Dad,
I should be given an award for buying books and staying in the top of my class instead of partying. Stop saying I'm antisocial and need to get new friends.
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