Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear "An apple a day keeps the doctor away",
LIES!
Dear Jersey Shore,
If I wanted to watch talking carrots I would've watched Veggie Tales.
Dear mean girls,
It's not that I hate you....I just hope you start your next period in a shark tank.
Dear friends,
Please stop sending me funny texts at the completely wrong moment
Dear yoga teacher,
I do know how to do downward facing dog. I do it wrong to stare at the hot guy behind me
Dear Science Major Roomate,
No, the Nucleus dissolves into Chromosomes during Prophase. I sometimes read your textbook when I get bored.
Dear Mystery Seeker,
"Go to Wal-Mart, buy one banana, two jars of chocolate sauce, and one roll of duct tape. Be sure to look suspicious."
Dear creators of the tampon,
Did you try to make it look like sperm on purpose?
Dear erotic novels,
what part is considered the climax of the story?
Dear Kay Jewelers,
Every kiss does NOT begin with K.
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Dear my poor innocent puppy,
Sorry about my dad lifting you up in the air and singing the circle of life
Dear men who are baffled by bras,
I can unlatch mine from the back and completely take it off... while keeping my shirt on.
Dear Chicken and the Egg,
Does it really matter who came first? Because I win anyway.
Dear toilet paper,
Please stop complaining that you have the worst job. I don't want to argue with you about this anymore.
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