Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear mom,
When you overheard me saying "the climax is always the best part" I was talking about books, not sex.
Dear bladder,
Why is it that you suddenly have to go during hide-and-go-seek?
Dear people who buy keyboards for their iPads,
...just buy a laptop?
Dear American education,
Please explain to me why our Korean foreign exchange student just got a better grade on our vocab test than 80% of the class.
Dear guys,
Whatever happened to telling a girl she was beautiful instead of hot? Looking into her eyes instead of down her shirt? What happened to courting a girl instead of just dating her? What happened to respecting a girl enough to do all of this?
Dear dentist,
No, biting you was not an accident.
Dear Steve Jobs,
Three apples changed the world; the one that Eve ate, the one that hit Newton on the head and the one that you built.
Dear math geeks,
You put the xy in sexy.
Dear textbook,
You could have made your point in less than 1000 pages.
Dear "I wasn't that drunk",
You chucked my parakeet at my dog screaming "ANGRY BIRDS!!!"
Dear people who make inconsiderate remarks about being thin,
Just because I am a size zero doesn't mean I have a eating disorder, work out 24/7 or only eat the healthiest foods. Some people are naturally thin.
Dear Class of 2012,
At least you get to graduate...
Dear toothpaste,
Thank you for somehow always having just a little bit more left.
Dear older sister,
Thank you for introducing me to the boy you thought was too much of a loser to date.
Dear "cool" kids at my school,
Can someone explain how it's fun to get drunk, kiss people you don't know, pass out, and wake up with no idea where you are?
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