Dear person outside the bathroom stall,
Calm down, I just took a screenshot of a picture on Facebook. My volume just happened to be on loud..
Sincerely, I did not just take a picture of my crotch..
Dear Tiny sweet baby of mine,
You are, literally, smaller than your daddy's foot, how do you poop so much?
Sincerely, confused mommy
Dear pervy guys staring at me as I eat my Popsicle,
Sincerely, oh I even broke the Popsicle stick.
My aim is to keep the toilets clean, your aim helps
Thank you for teaching me that if you don't finish something, it really isn't the end of the world
Sincerely, a perfectionist finally at ease
Dear "roses are red, violets are blue",
False. Violets are violet by nature, and roses, depending on their genotype, can be a variety of colors.
Sincerely, Sheldon Cooper.
Dear person who just rear-ended me,
Thank you for singing "like a good neighbor, State Farm is there!" When we got out.
Sincerely, don't worry, you're covered
Dear guy friends,
Please don't be scared to go to the gay bar with us.
Sincerely, if girls don't throw themselves at you, gay guys certainly won't.
No, the printed and labeled diagram of a penis that I left on the kitchen counter was not for my enjoyment.
Sincerely, I hate health class
Dear Peter pan,
You call it pixie dust, I call it crack!
Sincerely, either way we both get pretty high
Dear scarred teenage girl,
All of my clothes were in the laundry...
Sincerely, man wearing his wife's yoga pants at the grocery store
It's not small, it's fun size...
Dear people who ask me how I get good grades,
My blood type is A positive...
Sincerely, ...so you could say A's run through my veins.
Dear "those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it",
This saying just got a whole new meaning...
Sincerely, failing History class.