Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear doctors,
If I am what I eat, than I must be freaking delicious.
Dear society,
My little cousin has been complaining about the 4th grade slut in her class...
Dear "best friend",
What did I do on Saturday? Oh, not much. It was only my BIRTHDAY.
Dear "I wasn't that drunk",
Dude, you were in my kitchen begging my sponge for the Krabby Patty formula.
Dear General Mills,
Please stop putting cereal in my box of marshmallows.
Dear female singers,
Is it too much to ask that you sing about more than just how guys hurt you all the time?
Dear homework,
I'd tell you to go "f" yourself, but I don't want you to asexually reproduce and give me even more work.
Dear classmates who ask me why I don't stand for the Pledge of Allegiance,
Why do you you stand?
Dear Edward,
Let's do lunch
Dear popular girl who makes fun of me because of ONE pimple,
Everyone gets them, including you. I just don't cake my face with makeup to hide it.
Dear person at my front door,
It's 8 in the morning, I'm the only one in the house, still in my dorkiest PJ's, don't have on a bra, and haven't washed my face...
Dear football players,
Being a male cheerleader is way more manly than hugging guys and fighting over balls.
Dear Americans,
If you really believe that people are created equal, no matter what color they are, then why is having a black president such a big deal?
Dear mid-term paper,
How did you go from being due in a month, to being due in less than a week?
Dear Mom and Dad,
If I am ever kidnapped, missing, or killed, do NOT give the news my school picture to use.
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