Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear driver who won't let the ambulance pass,
You're a douche. What if that was your dying mother in the back?
Dear boyfriend,
Life without you is like a sneaker without laces, a geek without braces, asentencewithoutspaces.
Dear Dexter,
You're the only reason I know how to spell Laboratory.
Dear cop I just drove by,
Please stop texting. Also, you have a tail-light out, and that sign said "NO TURN ON RED."
Dear girl all over my boyfriend,
No, really, he's not kidding.
Dear pregnant teens,
Not everyone thinks your swollen abdomen is beautiful or a "miracle."
Dear old lady sitting next to me in church,
You don't have to hold your purse so tight. I won't take it...
Dear movie directors,
Is it awkward when you're conducting auditions for the 'ugly' character?
Dear Harry Potter,
Why do you measure your wands in inches, when you live in England?
Dear guys who wear saggy pants,
Men in prison originated that "style" to let the other inmates know when they were available for some rear entry fun.
Dear Abercrombie & Fitch,
You sell clothing... but all your models are naked?
Dear teacher that lets us use our phones as calculators during tests,
Rookie mistake.
Dear geometry teacher,
I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. I am perfect.
Haikus are easy,
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Dear person screaming "DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?!",
No, I payed twelve dollars to come to the movies so I could stare at the ground...
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