Dear Kristen Stewart,
I can't read your poker face.
Sincerely, Lady Gaga.
Dear cute guy i stalked on Facebook,
Oops, forgot I wasn't supposed to know that...
Sincerely, I'm psychic?
Dear lesbian couple in my class,
So how does this work... you both make sandwiches for each other?
Sincerely, a curious male.
Dear middle schools that start with "P",
So your schools initials are PMS? And your cheerleaders cheer for PMS?
Sincerely, that's just awkward...
Dear 2nd place,
Sincerely, you're the first loser.
I named you, Titanic.
Sincerely, syncing you now...
Dear Virgin Islands,
Yeah, that was your name before I got there. Now you're called The Islands.
Sincerely, Chuck Norris.
Why did you bring me a BILL?
Sincerely, I clearly asked for a check.
Why you trippin'?
Sincerely, 'cause your pants are on the ground...
Dear "roses are red, violets are blue",
Aren't violets more of a violet?
Sincerely, color blind?
Dear U.S. government,
My teacher taught me that "pro" and "con" are opposites. So wouldn't the opposite of progress be...?
Sincerely, is that why nothing is getting done?
Please stop pretending Edward vs. Jacob is about choosing between two guys. One is a vampire and the other is a werewolf. It's more like necrophilia vs. bestiality.
Sincerely, could she choose neither?
Dear Bella Swan,
Depression hurts. Cymbalta can help.
Sincerely, you should be medicated.
Dear Twilight fans,
The closest thing we have to vampires here are mosquitoes.
Sincerely, Forks, WA.