I'm the reason anybody actually likes you.
Dear visting USS George Washington Sailor,
Please don't leave, you just got here.
Sincerely, the Australian girl you met in a Brisbane bar.
At least We Have Doodles
Why does everyone bully me but leave comma, semi-colon, question mark, and exclamation point alone?
Dear ex boyfriend ,
Acne cleared up, lost 25 lbs, and learning how to box.
Sincerely, your "fat and ugly" ex girlfriend you just whistled at
Please leave the diamonds to me
Sincerely, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star
Thank you for thinking about me. I'm alive and doing fine.
Dear person saying "I can't even do that sober" to a cop,
You just admitted you weren't sober...
Sincerely, see what the state did there?
Dear verbal communication skills,
Why don't you ever work properly when I need you to?!
Sincerely, frustrated shut-in
Please stop destroying my mother. She's beautiful, but doesn't believe it. A ugly sickness like you isn't helping.
Sincerely, frustrated daughter
When did "suck" and "blow" stop being opposites?
Sincerely, vacuum cleaners
Dear People who are mean to fat people.,
Please dont tell fat people that they jiggle when they run. They know that, thats why they're running!
Sincerely, BFF to the jiggly people
Just because I freak out when you walk in my room doesn't mean I'm hiding something.
Sincerely, Your 16-year-old daughter that isn't doing drugs, but rather just wants some privacy
You know carrots giving you night vision is a lie made by Americans in the Second World War so the Germans didn't know they had radars, right?
WEll, it only took you three weeks, but you finally settled on a proper clean-up schedule. And, suprise, suprise, it is the exact schedule we were using before you came here. Glad to see you can be trained.
Sincerely, maybe listen to your employees, eh?