Dear 120 pound pitbull,
Please stop "sitting" on my lap and then standing directly on my balls. I love ya dude, but I want kids.
Sincerely, possibly sterile
Dear Americans thinking of moving to Europe if Trump gets elected,
Please, by all means, come join us in my country! We love newcommers and we're a loving, happy people, that would make you feel very welc... Oh wait, I'm danish. Never mind.
Sincerely, a not-so-proud Dane who's still not sure if this is Denmark anno 2016 or Germany anno 1939
Dear Girl I've had a crush on since 5th grade,
Thank you for saying yes
Sincerely, that quiet, tall, geeky guy who usually sits with his two friends, and no one else.
Please don't ignore your daughter while we're gone. Shes worried us going to college means she's going to be all alone. You can't just say you don't know how to treat a teenage girl and just ignore her. You treat her like a person. She likes football, video games, and chemistry. She never flips out or screams. She's rational and smart, but thinks her father doesn't love her. Go talk to her.
Sincerely, your older twin sons
Please don't give up on me. I've seen what happens when the other kids get left in group homes.
Sincerely, your autistic daughter.
Dear insecure and depressed friend,
Please know that when your other friend tells you who to hang out with, gets mad at you for no reason, and doesn't respect you at all, she is not a "good friend." You are an amazing person and deserve better people in you life.
Sincerely, you concerned and angry friend
Dear friends who tell me I look better with short hair,
Please understand I am letting it grow for the people who can't.
Sincerely, daughter of woman who couldn't walk the dog without a wig
Dear People on Facebook,
Please stop acting like cropping a picture and/or adding text to it makes you a graphic designer.
Sincerely, Graphic Deisgners
Please don't tell me something's wrong with me, or worse, deny that my feelings exist. Please don't tell me I'll be alone forever if I don't change or 'stop trying to be unique'. I'm starting to believe you, and it's lonely.
Sincerely, dying inside asexual
Dear judgemental friends,
Please stop calling my girlfriend a whore. Just because I made out with her on our second day of dating, doesn't mean she's a whore.
Sincerely, the one who kissed her.
Dear impatient morons,
Please realise that a fully laden freight train cannot stop or swerve to avoid hitting you. The responsibility to avoid an accident lies on you to obey the signals and keep clear of a train. Don't think you can race the train.
Sincerely, it truly is the dumbest way to die
I'm going to come out to you soon as transgender. My wife still loves me, God still loves me, and I love me even more since I admitted it finally. Please don't hate me. Show me the same love you always showed your gay friend.
Sincerely, your new daughter
Dear 24 year old sister,
Please stop playing on the ps3 when we only have one television and you are using it literally the entire day. It's the weekend and we all want to have fun, and are also tired of watching you constantly play.
Sincerely, your younger 16 year old sister, who is tired of having to act like an adult
I started going to the gym with you because it was fun and we motivated each other. But on a day I wasn't able to make it you tried to "motivate" me by saying how fat I was going to get. That's not motivation, that's bullying.
Sincerely, Not sure I want to keep going to the gym with you.
Dear School Bus Driver and Mom,
Could you have your ten minute conversation when there isn't a huge line of cars stopped waiting for the school bus to turn its lights off?
Sincerely, Just trying to get to work on time