Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear whoever just called,
Thanks for not telling me who you are or your number.
Dear math teacher,
Why can't I add apples to oranges?
Dear Britney Spears,
Dear Britney Spears.
Dear people who use HW in place of homework,
Those are my initials. It makes me uncomfortable to hear that you're "doing HW tonight."
Dear mom,
No, the song lyrics are not "now I'm feelin' so so like a cheese stick."
Dear boy on the beach,
Please put your eyes back in your head where they belong
Dear doctor,
I know you're busy removing my stitches, but your arm is leaning on my boob.
Dear moisturizer,
Excessive drying after use? Really?
Dear 11 year old,
Please continue riding your bike down the street and singing "ridin' dirty."
Dear English teacher obsessed with interpretive writing,
The fact that the curtains are blue does not mean that the main character is depressed or sad.
Dear fan,
Please blow actual air around the room.
Dear Forks, Washington,
I hear that you have a vampire problem.
Dear homophobic dad,
You hate gays? Phew, thank goodness, I thought I was in trouble.
Dear world,
Please excuse me while I momentarily revert to age six.
Dear penguins,
You look fancy everyday.
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