Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear customer with four screaming kids,
I hope for your sake that pregnancy test you just bought comes out negative...
Dear Hollister ,
How am I supposed to choose clothing when the lights are so dim I can't see any of your merchandise. Wait a minute, is this your strategy?
Dear Snuggie,
I see what you did there...
Dear Katy Perry,
California rolls, we're unforgettable... cucumber, wasabi on top!
Dear teenage girls,
Stop trying to impersonate us...
Dear acne commercials,
I tried that whole splash the water in your face thing, didn't turn out so well.
Dear producers of horror movies,
You're giving away all our hiding places!
Dear auto-correct,
Duck you.
Dear black leather interior,
Meet your mortal enemy.
Dear tailgater,
If I can see your eye color in my rear mirror my speedometer will not increase, but your insurance will!
Dear world,
Red hair: redhead, brown hair: brunette, white/yellow hair: blonde, no hair: bald. What do you call someone with black hair?
Dear school photographers ,
Making us say "grandma's undies" doesn't make us smile anymore; in fact it's kind of creepy...
Dear "I slept like a baby",
You mean you woke up every two hours to eat, poop yourself, and scream and cry until someone hits you on the back to make you burp?
Dear Twilight,
I love it every time you sparkle or moan and complain "I have to drink..." Thanks for making the best drinking game EVER!
Dear Dorothy,
Listen, I just wanted my sister's shoes. It's the least you could do after you murdered her.
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