Dear Dumbledore,
Please re-send my acceptance letter to Hogwarts. The owl must have gotten lost.
Dear people who are scared of all spiders,
While I can understand the fear of venomous spiders or spiders with painful bites, please realize spiders serve an important function in the ecosystem.
Dear Republican grandparents who watch Fox News,
Please do not ask me if I'm going to join ISIS when I get letters from my pen pal who happen to be muslim.
Dear Breaking Bad,
You can still bring back Walter White since his death was just assumed in the last episode. Better Call Saul just won't be enough.
Dear proton,
I am so attracted to your positive energy.
Dear American society,
I hope you realize that in a couple hundred years from now, people are going to read about the homosexuality controversy in their history books and roll their eyes at our stupidity.
Dear world,
What kind of tea is bitter and hard to swallow?
Dear society,
People aren't expected to "come out" as straight, so why do I have to announce my sexual preferences to the world?
Dear Voldemort,
You should have put one of your Horcruxes into my ex-boyfriend's ego.
Dear science nerds,
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender how much a drink costs. What does the bartender say?
Dear You,
If you're reading this, you've been in a coma for almost 20 years. We're trying a new technique. We don't know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope we're getting through. Please wake up.
Dear clumsy person,
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting, time after time...
Dear mom,
Please stop pressuring me to find a husband.
Dear hair,
Thanks for being a curtain on rainy days, a scarf on cold days, a hideaway on sad days and an accessory on nice days!
Dear companies seeking employees,
Please take off the 3-5 years of experience for a job.
THIS IS PAGE 4
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