Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear awkwardly named nail polishes,
My history says I looked at a page named "dirty slut"
Dear Dora,
Just one question. How do you get that t-shirt over your head?
Dear Mr. Pibb,
What, couldn't handle med school?
Dear fellow actors in my high school drama department,
Thank you so much for this award. It means a lot to me.
Dear men,
Please. Trojan extra-large condoms are made to fit most regular sized men to boost their confidence and ensure further purchased.
Dear Scoop Neck Shirts,
Thank you for acting as a net for food I drop
Dear Yankee Candle,
Seriously? Candles for men?
Dear Brain,
Why did you betray me?!
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Dear WebMD symptom checker,
Wow. I just have a stomach ache.
Dear "You're Beautiful size 2 or 22.",
Well this sucks.
Dear Puppy,
I love when you curl up next to me and fall asleep like this! You are so warm and cute and sweet and... what's that smell?
Dear girl who turned around right as I looked at her butt,
Maybe if I just keep staring she'll think I'm spacing out or something..
Dear boys who wear skinny jeans,
You took the phrase 'getting into her pants' the wrong way
Dear anyone whose interested,
If you say "beer can" with a British accent, you're saying "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
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