I don't think you are.
Dear muggle friends,
Please stop giving me socks for gifts. Seriously, I'm wearing a rag and a shirt and need decent clothing.
Sincerely, Dobby, the already very free house elf.
Dear advice givers,
Please stop telling me to imagine everyone in the audience naked when I'm nervous about making a speech. That just makes me horny and is not helpful.
That laughter was because you made an excellent pun and you never realised it. We did and found it amusing.
Sincerely, "a shoe/boot maker who was a sole trader..."
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Why did you give everyone from the Battle of Hogwarts and automatic pass? Was it just so you didn't have to write that final year book?
Sincerely, what will that teach them about Herbology?
Please give me my card back. Telling me after you've eaten it that you are out service is not on.
Sincerely, I have no other money!!!
I don't hate you. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I just don't even like straight people who get all PDA. So please forgive me if I say "gross" when you are making out. It's the act that's disgusting, not the person. Just like it's the sin, not the sinner.
Sincerely, Honest Human Being
Dear people who think Paula Deen is The Devil,
Please take a good look at yourself, and ask the question "Have I never used a racial epithet or thought myself better than someone else, based solely on my own prejudices?" If the answer is yes, good on you, but you're probably lying. If the answer is no, stop judging her and worry about your own life.
Sincerely, Your Common Sense
Dear people against discrimination,
Please stop reverse-discrimintion because being white is something to be proud of as well!
Sincerely, white person who can't get into "diverse" schools
Dear little kid who invented his own language,
Please never stop.
Sincerely, despite the fact no one but your sister knows what you're, it's still awesome.
Dear everyone arguing about bikinis,
To each their own. Some girls might feel comfortable in bikinis, and some might not. There's no point arguing about it here.
So you wish I was more like that pretty girl at my school who has it all?
Sincerely, did you know she recently found out she was pregnant and can't go to college anymore?
Dear Harry Potter,
Yes, you are the boy who lived, but he was the twin who died.
Sincerely, Why did not name your child after my brother?
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, the Titanic