Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear people who like random facts,
Malia and Sasha Obama go to the same school that Bill Nye the Science Guy did.
Dear ancestry.com,
So you're telling me that my great grandmother' maiden name is Riddle?
Dear guys,
Why is it awkward to buy tampons for your girlfriend? It's not like the cashier thinks you'll be using them...
Dear America,
You know something's wrong when the pizza gets here before the ambulance...
Dear parents,
I'm so sorry, but I need to get this off my chest. I was home alone with my boyfriend, and, well...I disobeyed you. I know you've told me time and time again to never do it, and you always tell me how wrong it is, but we couldn't resist. We had everything we needed. And, it wasn't my first time, either. ...the taste in your mouth is something you'll never forget. I can assure you though, it won't affect my health. I feel terrible for going against your rules, but I can't promise that it won't happen again.
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Why do Harry Potter characters measure their wands in inches if they live in England?
Dear pregnant woman expecting a boy with the last name of Snape,
I think we both know how this will end if you choose any other name...
Dear girls,
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm making a sandwich, do you want one too?
Dear boys,
Please understand, we think about sex a lot too.
Dear medication commercials,
"If you experience death, please contact your doctor immidiently."
Dear "you are what you eat",
That's funny... I don't remember eating any sexy beasts recently.
Dear trail mix,
They only want me.
Dear empty house,
Why is it still awkward?
Dear hipsters,
Being non-mainstream for the sake of being non-mainstream, is pretty freaking mainstream...
Dear new professor,
That's not a dry-erase pen its a per--.
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