Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Pandora Radio,
You just played an ad in the middle of a soft piano song at full volumn.
Dear cat,
How are you not bald yet?
Dear girl who should be de-clawed,
I didn't know finger nails could do that!
Dear blowpops,
I liked you better when i was innocent...
Dear men,
In life, you get to choose between being happy or being right. Take your pick.
Dear kid that yelled "I'M OUT OF GLITTER!" in the lunchroom,
You just made my day.
Dear kitten that likes to play with my eyelashes,
I'm afraid to blink.
Dear judgmental looks,
I'm at Safeway at 11pm buying a cube of cheese, you think I care what I'm wearing?
Dear class speaker,
Thank you for putting your name on the board. The whole time you were talking I was busy looking you up on Facebook.
Dear printer,
Are you seriously supposed to make those sounds?
Dear "It is illegal to wear a bullet proof vest while commiting murder",
What about the whole murder part?
Dear girls who only come to our games to check us out in our uniforms,
Please, why do you think we joined the team?
Dear ocean,
Where's your week?
Dear gym teacher,
Yeah, of course Narnia's on the Eastern coast of Europe.
Dear Harry Potter,
I'm too sexy for my nose, too sexy for my nose, so sexy it hurts... you!
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