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Dear Sincerely,
I don't think you are.
Dear muggle friends,
Please stop giving me socks for gifts. Seriously, I'm wearing a rag and a shirt and need decent clothing.
Dear advice givers,
Please stop telling me to imagine everyone in the audience naked when I'm nervous about making a speech. That just makes me horny and is not helpful.
Dear lecturer,
That laughter was because you made an excellent pun and you never realised it. We did and found it amusing.
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Why did you give everyone from the Battle of Hogwarts and automatic pass? Was it just so you didn't have to write that final year book?
Dear ATM,
Please give me my card back. Telling me after you've eaten it that you are out service is not on.
Dear Homosexuals,
I don't hate you. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I just don't even like straight people who get all PDA. So please forgive me if I say "gross" when you are making out. It's the act that's disgusting, not the person. Just like it's the sin, not the sinner.
Dear people who think Paula Deen is The Devil,
Please take a good look at yourself, and ask the question "Have I never used a racial epithet or thought myself better than someone else, based solely on my own prejudices?" If the answer is yes, good on you, but you're probably lying. If the answer is no, stop judging her and worry about your own life.
Dear people against discrimination,
Please stop reverse-discrimintion because being white is something to be proud of as well!
Dear little kid who invented his own language,
Please never stop.
Dear everyone arguing about bikinis,
To each their own. Some girls might feel comfortable in bikinis, and some might not. There's no point arguing about it here.
Dear Mom,
So you wish I was more like that pretty girl at my school who has it all?
Dear Harry Potter,
Yes, you are the boy who lived, but he was the twin who died.
Dear icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Dear Gays,
If you want the same rights that's fine, I have no issue with that. But why do you have to take my name, it's kind of sacred.
THIS IS PAGE 5
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