Dear man who catcalled me,
Please never do that again. I just had a panic attack for an hour straight thinking that you would come find me and attack me. It's not flattering to be called after.
Sincerely, don't "hey pretty lady" me.
If you consider a woman to be less pure after you touch her, maybe you should take a look at your hands.
Thank you for almost always magically knowing the answer. You shouldn't understand this, but you do.
Please stop taking me for granted. I am a woman, not a mop.
Sincerely, your girlfriend
Dear Teacher's Assistant,
Please don't tell my girlfriend that she's stupid for not finishing her paragraph. Its not easy for her. She just got diagnosed with depression and its the anniversary dad's death.
Sincerely, her loving boyfriend.
Dear dance partner,
Please brush your teeth in the future before you come to class. Chewing gum isn't really a proper subsitute for hygeine and it's distracting and uncomfortable for your partners when they can smell your breath from a foot away.
Sincerely, your partner
Dear guys and girls in the friendzone,
Please finally stop complaining. You either don't have the guts to admit you like them, which isn't their fault, or they rejected you, which isn't their fault. They don't know or don't like you. Either shut up and accept the apparent awfulness of being someone's friend, or get lost.
Sincerely, it's no one's job to like you
Dear Daughter and Son,
I know I yell and snap at you more than I should. I know that I don't always show you the attention that you deserve, but please, please know that I see all the amazing things that you do and that I love you with everything I've got. I just don't always know how to show it...
Sincerely, A young, guilty, mother
Please stop telling us about all of the problems you have with each other. No, we don't know how you're supposed to fix your marriage, we're not therapists. And yes, you both talk about each other behind your backs. And yes, I know I'm being just as passive about it right now. But please talk to each other instead.
Sincerely, Your now-cynical-about-relationships children
You were unfaithful to mum and left the family. You "felt lonely" because your girlfriend has her own family that she won't leave and you can't stay with her. You promised mum that you'd cut off all contact with your girlfriend and came back. Now, you are still talking to your girlfriend on a daily basis but you don't want us to be mad. You want us to treat you like before we found out about your affair. That's not happening.
Sincerely, you can't have it both ways.
Dear close friend,
Even though we have feelings for the same person that doesn't mean that we can't still be friends.
Sincerely, your close friend
The dollar sign goes before the number. I.e. $50 not 50$
Sincerely, Pissed off observer
The year is 1692. It's Summer and the sun is just setting. Let's see how long this takes to get through
Dear future mother in law,
Please quit telling your son you won't be at his graduation if his dad comes. You two have your differences and he just wants him to be a part of his life just this once.
Sincerely, your future daughter in law concerned about your son
Please do the things I ask. There's exactly 18 days left in the semester, and we have 2 months worth of work to do. Get it together.
Sincerely, oh look, an episode of Venture Brothers I've only seen 7 times.