According to the latest figures, 43% of all statistics are utterly worthless.
Sincerely, get your facts straight.
Dear vegetarian wearing a leather jacket,
Do you realize what leather is?
Sincerely, did someone "hide" your brain too?
Thank you for not serving hotdogs. I don't think I could order a super-sized McWeiner with a straight face.
Sincerely, all teenagers.
Sincerely, the world.
Did you know it's impossible to say "good eye might" without sounding Australian?
Sincerely, I bet you just tried!
I'm secretly hoping you're actually on fire every time we have a fire drill.
Sincerely, I hate you.
Dear William and Kate,
If William is 100% royal and Kate is 0% royal, will your son be the Half-Blood Prince?
Dear person walking into the bathroom,
When you yell "It smells like poop in here," you have no idea how much I want to yell back "NO DUH!"
Sincerely, face palm.
Dear sister who drank out of the milk carton with flavored chap stick on,
Oh my! That was gross.
Sincerely, what a disappointment.
I wish you could talk.
Sincerely, no wait, I did so many shameful things in front of you!
I love when you take me down scary back country roads as a "shortcut," it just makes the trip so much more exciting!
Sincerely, lost in the middle of who knows where!
Dear people of America,
I am a white, straight, gun-owning, conservative male.
Sincerely, how else can I piss you off today?
How did you get under my bed exactly?
Sincerely, what happened last night?
Hate to break it to you, but my favorite part about coming home is being able to poop in private.
Sincerely, your loving college daughter.