Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear substitute teacher,
The class isn't laughing because your jokes are funny, they're laughing because you tucked your shirt into your Star War's underwear...
Dear Sky Mall magazine,
Wow, this stuff is stupi--OMG it's a Harry Potter wand that doubles as a tv remote!
Dear kids who snuck in and jumped in my pool last night,
Next time, you might want to do it in the day time.
Dear 4 year old who asked to go on a play date with me,
Of course!
Dear "I'm never going to use this in real life",
That awkward moment when a someone holds a gun to your head and demands you recite the quadratic formula...
Dear world,
My daughter starts driving on December 21, 2012....
Dear guys who want x-ray vision,
I hope you realize that you would be seeing their internal organs and bones, not our underwear.
Dear brain,
Please start being able to tell the difference between hungry and bored.
Dear celebrities who say that teenage girls should love themselves and their bodies,
It's easy to say that when you're 5'10", gorgeous, and ridiculously rich.
Dear triangle cut sandwiches,
Why do you taste so much better than square sandwiches?
Dear MTV,
Last time I checked the "T" stood for television, not trash.
Dear chocolate milk,
I would rather drink you than beer.
Dear Mom,
Rememer how you told me that you wish I was more like Heather from school? Because Heather runs track, lost 40 pounds, gets asked to dances all the time and now has a cute boyfriend? Well, if it's any interest to you, today Heather dropped out of school because she's three months pregnant and needs to get a full time job at McDonald's to support herself and the baby.
Dear roommate,
The bathroom that you share with three other people is not the place to have serious heart to hearts about relationships on speakerphone. I need to poop and get ready for bed.
Dear fat girls,
Please stop calling skinny girls "fake". You are what you eat. I eat organic, you eat processed crap. I think we all know which one is fake...
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