Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear family member whom I haven't seen in 13 years,
Did you really expect me to stay FIVE forever?
Dear Compass,
You're not the only indicator that things are about to head south.
Dear boys,
The reason girls go to the bathroom together is because we have epic parties in there.
Dear cat,
I would very much appreciate it if you stopped destroying my bras on the floor while I sleep.
Dear God,
Boys get squeaky voices and we get this?!
Dear short girls,
At least you don't have to worry about short guys.
Dear friend who complains they haven't had sex in 6 weeks,
I've gone 15 years. Does that mean I win?
Dear Charmin,
So you're telling me that there is someone out there who will pull down my pants and inspect my bottom for toilet paper?
Dear girls,
Please take your own bra off. We can't figure it out and it looks sexier when you do it.
Dear girl that hates me because I'm friends with her boyfriend,
Please stop glaring at me like that. I'm not going to steal him from you. I don't want a boy with bad taste in girls.
Dear History teacher,
I'm sorry that I was laughing while you were teaching about the black plague.
Dear short shorts,
If they come in that width, they should not come in that length.
Dear English teachers,
Um, ever thought that he might have just wanted TO WRITE A FREAKING BOOK!!
Dear guy I like,
Please get a facebook account.
Dear Tiger Woods,
When we say "Just Do It" we mean it as a slogan...not literally.
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