Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear reader,
Did you know that it's legal for women to be topless in Liverpool, England only if they work at tropical fish stores?
Dear girls,
If you know that you get cold at nighttime, why don't you ever bring your jacket?
Dear "I slept like a baby",
Haha, loser. You must have been so depressed when you woke up.
Dear person calling me,
Please don't be mad that I'm not answering your phone calls when I am instantly replying to your messages.
Dear wheelbarrow manufacturers,
Warning: not intended for highway use.
Dear rest of the world,
Sure I have a pet zebra in my back yard. Want to hear the story about how I lost my hand to a lion on the highway?
Dear Pinochio,
So all I have to do is lie?
Dear screaming Twilight fan-girls,
Go occupy Forks. They could use the revenue and I could use the peace and quiet.
Dear ex-roommate,
I am so sorry about your future ex-husbands.
Dear one particular friend,
Why is it that you only ever call me at really awkward moments when I've forgotten to turn my phone on silent?
Dear anti-technology people,
There's an app for that.
Dear women,
Please stop complaining. I can assure you that our monthly "gift" is far worse.
Dear rude customer,
Enjoy the "special" sauce.
Dear American kids,
Do you go to McDonald's with Obama?!
Dear cast of Jersey Shore,
Just get off TV before you make yourselves look like idiots.
THIS IS PAGE 5
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