Dear person checking behind the curtain for serial killers,
DO YOU MIND?!?
Sincerely, serial killer trying to take a shower
Dear best friend,
I hate to break it to you, but porn is not the abbreviation for popcorn
Sincerely, Oh No! There's porn in my teeth!
Please. Never. Ever. Ever. Ever wear a lacy hot pink thong and a pair of white shorts on field day.
Sincerely, The innocent water balloon thrower that you just gave scars for life
Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,
I know you'll play a good Gatsby, but will you play a Great Gatsby?
Thank you for not bleeding every month. You're the best!
Dear Tim Burton,
Why do you always have me killing your wife in movies?
Sincerely, Johnny Depp
Dear Middle School Health Teacher,
Thank you for teaching me how to put a condom on a banana. Thanks to your guidance, I always make sure to get a banana out of my fruit bowl and put a condom on it every time before I have sex. That way, I know I'm safe.
Sincerely, guy who wonders why the vending machines that dispense condoms don't also dispense bananas.
Dear vending machine,
You're so homophobic
Sincerely, I'm sorry my dollar isn't straight enough for you
Dear guy friends who just decided to search my purse,
Congrats, you found my tampon stash.
Sincerely, your face was pricelessxD
Dear Health Teacher,
Thank you for informing us that "Consuming too much alcohol usually causes you to vomit out of your mouth."
Sincerely, really? Thought I vomited out of my butt...
You can get rid of Dark Marks? I can do that too!
Sincerely, Harry Potter
Dear guy that asked me if I was free tonight,
Darn right I'm free.
Sincerely, this is America!!!
Dear silent classroom,
LET ME SING YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE.
Dear Nicki Minaj,
I thought I saw you once on a street corner in New York and freaked out.
Sincerely, but then I did a double take and realized it was just a homeless man screaming at a pigeon.