Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear 10 page research paper,
Thanks for inspiring me to clean my room. I couldn't have done it without you.
Dear Mother,
Please locate the nearest dictionary. Now look up the definitions of mom, mother, and parent. Then proceed to look up the definition of dictator. Please note that they are not the same.
Dear Westboro Baptist Church,
So you love Jesus, but hate Jews?
Dear Lucky Charms makers,
You're sitting on a gold mine. Why have you not made an "Oops! All Charms!" cereal yet? Even if it's limited edition.
Dear super attractive and popular guy,
It made my day when I heard you mumbled, "It's like the White Tree of Gondor" when you saw that tree covered in snow. I thought it too. I also saw you blush when I fist bumped you for it.
Dear car-pooler who is five minutes early,
Sorry! You caught me before I got dressed, ate breakfast, brushed my teeth and did my hair.
Dear toy that makes noise,
WHERE IS YOUR OFF BUTTON?
Dear college counselor,
Of course I was joking when I said the only reason I was applying to a school because they have a quidditch team...
Dear Kid who just got called to the principal's office,
Ooooooooooooooooooohhhh.
Dear four-year-old little brother,
So let me get this straight. You've never seen Dragon Tails, Anastasia, Beauty and the Beast, Pocahontas or Mulan...?
Dear person who just cursed me out on the highway,
You should have seen your face when you saw I was your girlfriends dad!
Dear 60 lb Dutch Shepard,
You are NOT a lap dog.
Dear first grade boy,
The assignment was to draw an animal and write the sound it makes. When you drew a shark and I asked you what sound it made, you started singing the Jaws theme.
Dear History teacher,,
Thank you for putting me next to my best friend AND my boyfriend when you made the seating chart.
Dear parents,
Just because I minimize my windows on my computer when you come into the room doesn't mean I'm watching porn.
THIS IS PAGE 6
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