Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Jocks,
Being a single guy who likes musical theater doesn't make me gay.
Dear "This Project Cannot Be Completed The Night Before",,
You wanna tell that to my 100 plus 5 bonus points for creativity?
Dear girl sitting next to me in class,
Believe it or not, France IS a French speaking country! Who knew?
Dear "he doesn't even notice me",
Have you tried introducing yourself?
Dear "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!",
No, but I do kiss your wife.
Dear People overusing the word "friendzoned",
you haven't been friendzoned until you actually tell them you like them.
Dear cashier looking judgmental when I buy a tub of ice-cream and a pack of oreos,
"I'm eating for two...".
Dear T-rex,
It's okay, I can't hug anyone either.
Dear sisters's boyfriend,,
Please keep in mind before you cheat on her, that I am one of the only people in the world who could kill you and get away with it.
Dear Shakespeare,
All our lives we are led up to believe that you are this great and cultured poet. Then we read the first scene of Romeo and Juliet and you are telling sex jokes.
Dear high school teachers,
You say you prepare us for college. College teachers say they prepare us for the "real world." Well, in the real world, we pretty much do the same things we do in pre-school. Sit down and try not to break anything.
Dear Vegetarians,
Yes, this deer could be Bambi's mother, but that cucumber could be Larry.
Dear freshmen boys trying to grow a moustache,
Sorry, but um... You have a little bit of dirt... Yeah right there.
Dear chemistry teacher,
Why is the class amused? I believe it's quite self-explanatory...
Dear Period,
Oh my god you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I'll have to tell my boyfriend!! Oh wait....
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