Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear 2000 word essay,
So, if I turn in 2 pictures, it doesn't count?
Dear Mom and Dad,
"It's a school night" doesn't cut it.
Dear Mother Nature,
I don't care what the commercials say. Next time you want to get me a gift, try a gift card.
Dear cocky guys,
Sure "swag" rhymes with "sag," but it also rhymes with "douche bag."
Dear girl I like,
Don't be concerned if a fat man puts you in a bag.
Dear College,
Thank you for letting me write a research paper on Greek Mythology and its influence on Harry Potter. This is going to be epic.
Dear guys in passing cars,
Please keep yelling "You're hot!" during my 3 and half mile runs when I have cramps in my stomach and snot running out of my nose.
Dear time,
Now would be the perfect time for you to fly.
Dear friend,
You said you were giving away your jeans because they don't fit you... don't be mad because they fit me!
Dear feminists,
You want equal rights? You can put the dang toilet seat down.
Dear person,
If life hands you melons...
Dear raisin cookies,
They only ate you because they thought you were me.
Dear boys at sleepovers,
Is it awkward when you all wake up with morning wood?
Dear little sister,
Did you just tell me to turn my book off?
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