Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear teens,
Don't have sex. You will get chlamydia and die.
Dear grinch,
Please see a doctor. If your heart grew three sizes in one day, you may have Aortic Stinosis.
Dear 2 year old ,
Thank you for yelling IM RAINING while you are potty training
Dear public school kids,
...and you think your sex ed is awkward
Dear Mom,
No, I do not need you to give me "the talk".
Dear parents,
Please stop using the saying "Till the cows come home"
Dear NASA,
Your mom thought I was big enough.
Dear male nurse who handed me over to a female nurse so that it wouldn't be awkward when he put EKG sensors on my chest,
Please realize that having a female do this is even more awkward.
Dear girl in my English class,
"I always thought the right to bare arms was the right to wear t-shirts
Dear "I wasn't that drunk!",
Please dude, you walked up to a semi-truck and whispered "I know your secret, Optimus Prime."
Dear doctor,
My Pap test was awkward enough without you telling me what a nice job I did shaving..
Dear cute girl in my biology class,
I wish I was DNA Helicase, because then I could unzip your genes.
Dear girl trying to grind with me,
... I'm gay
Dear women and werewolves,
Please stop fighting over who has the worse 'time of the month'. I think we win.
Dear health video,
"Women are 85% more likely to get pregnant than men."
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