Dear driver with a "Love Animals Don't Eat Them" bumper sticker,
I do love animals. Especially pigs.
Sincerely, bacon is a gift from heaven.
I kind of wish the tree fell on your head instead of the apple... no offense.
Sincerely, failing physics
Dear Long-Distance Boyfriend,
I love you a bunch and I miss you, but I can't help thinking there might be a couple of benefits to the whole "long-distance" thing...
Sincerely, No-Shave-November Participant
Thanks for putting the condoms across the aisle from the baby supplies. you made my day.
Sincerely, I see what you did there
Please note that the door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine.
Sincerely, the guy calling an ambulance and the police for you
America ranks third in a list of countries that like America....
Sincerely, that is the saddest thing I have ever heard.
You know obesity is a problem when the scariest thing is called slender man
Sincerely, Will Ferrell
Dear college roommate ,
When you told me "I brought 10 pairs of underwear so I'd only have to do laundry every 2 weeks" I got a little worried.
Sincerely, please just be bad at math
Dear person who said sports make guys 600% hotter,
Please realize boys in Marching band are really good with their fingers and mouths
Sincerely, Think about that one!
Well... This is awkward.
Dear Seeing Is Believing,
I must not believe in anything then.
Sincerely, amused blind person.
No no no, guys...I said I hate FIGS!
Dear Ginny Weasley,
It's a journal, not a diary.
Sincerely, Tom Riddle
Dear paranoid lady down the street,
No, my freckles are not there to keep track of all my visits with Satan.
Sincerely, why would you even say that?