Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Law and Order, Bones, NCIS, and CSI,
Thanks for the advice, it totally worked!
Dear lightning bugs,
Please stop pretending your shooting stars. I saw 8 tonight.
Dear "If I can't get them off neither can the rapist",
What do you think the knife is for?
Dear bratty spoiled cousin,
You're so lucky I don't speak parseltongue...
Dear sneeze,
Please come out my nose already.
Dear snuggie,
I look like a total idiot, but dang! You're handy!
Dear reader,
Did you hear that joke about the window that you couldn't see through?
Dear gangster blasting music from your car,
Thank you for parking right outside my bathroom window. I enjoyed dancing to your groovy song.
Dear Willow Smith,
I'll whip your hair back and forth.
Dear ninjas,
Talk to us when there is a Facebook language option specifically for you...
Dear vegetarians,
The meat I'm eating could be Bambi's mom, huh?
Dear people who say "money doesn't grow on trees",
Then why do banks have branches!?
Dear Waldo,
Gosh darnit, where are you? Never mind I'll find, someone like youuuu....
Dear jerk who stole my bike,
Please have fun riding a bicycle with a broken derailer across our almost completely uphill campus. By the way, you look pretty freakin' ridiculous riding a teal, women's bike in your baggy jeans and sideways hat. Ya, you're a real gangster.
Dear school nurses,
If I were you, I'd give kids with nosebleeds tampons to shove up there.
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