Dear lady in the 8th row,
Please note that midnight in the movie theatre aisle is not the place to do aerobics
Dear my Psychology teacher,
Please stop saying how easy everything is in the exam. You would think it is, you have a degree in it.
Dear Science Teacher,
Please don't give us homework and say that it's due the next day, and then when we turn it in, say it isn't due. Last time you did that, I didn't get home until late due to a fire at my theater, and I had hours of science homework on top of a very stressful day.
Dear 12,
I think you'll be great
Dear Teachers,
I know it's fourth quater and you need some grades. I get that, but i don't need four argument papers, three tests, a brand new book unit, AND an extended research project to be coming up
Dear Bible-thumping mother,
Please realize that if you try to keep me from eating pork because "the Bible says it's bad," then you have to follow ALL the laws of Leviticus. Those include not wearing fabrics made from more than one material (like that lovely cotton/poly blend you're wearing at the moment), not cutting your hair or shaving (how much did you spend at the salon on that trim yesterday?), and not letting different kinds of cattle graze together (I can count three breeds hanging out on our ranch right now). So, for the love of all that's holy, shut up and let me eat my bacon.
Dear U.S. army,
I got a medal for killing two men, but a discharge for loving one?
Dear People of the World,
The joke, 'Why'd the chicken cross the road?' isn't what you think it is. 'To get to the other side' doesn't refer to the other side of the road.
Dear Colleges,
Please make a scholarship for a middle class white girl who hasn't done drugs or gotten knocked up but still happens to want an affordable college education
Dear fraternal twins,
Please realize that when people comment that you look alike, it is probably because you are siblings and many siblings look alike. They are not saying that you are identical... only that you look alike.
Dear girl at my school,
Please stop telling me that your relationship with your boyfriend is better than my relaionship with my boyfriend simply because yours is a theater kid and mine is on the football team and what you call a "dumb jock". He has a 4.0 and we love each other. He is my best friend.
Dear roommate,
I don't think you fully understand how compromise works. You've had full control over leaving the window open or closed in the middle of January. I have no controll when you are in the room (you have the right to be comfortable), but I shouldn't have to freeze to the point of having muscle cramps when you're not around. That's why, "I'll leave it closed more often if you leave it open more often" makes no sense.
Dear Porn,
Although you look amazing and feel amazing sometimes, you make me feel shameful immediately. I am not alone. It is not normal to look at you. You destroy relationships and are killing my marriage. I hate that you're not illegal.
Dear boyfriend,
Talk is great, but actions speak louder than words.
Dear boy who I asked to prom and rejected me,
I am going to become an engineer, make tons of money, and find a guy who loves me for me.
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