Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear boyfriend,
When I asked, "What are you wearing?" And you replied with, "Cookie Monster jammies," I knew you were the one.
Dear Urban Dictonary,
Thank you...
Dear vitamin company,
Yeah, maybe making your vitamins taste like candy wasn't the best idea.
Dear people gardening,
Just because it's 94 degrees does not mean I want you to spray me with your hose while I run by...
Dear Life,
Why can't you be a computer? I just want to delete the history and restart.
Dear people who laugh at fat people when they see them running,
At least they're trying.
Dear hair,
Good morn-OH MY GOD WHY?!
Dear bored adults,
You're welcome.
Dear girl I like who says her hands are cold but won't accept my gloves,
How about you just take one of my gloves, and we can hold each other's gloveless hands?
Dear crutches,
I'm pretty sure that your job is help relieve my pain...
Dear teachers,
We don't get mad when you don't finish grading our papers, so please don't get mad when we can't finish our homework.
Dear guy on the motorcycle,
Thank you for signaling that a cop was around the corner. You made my day.
Dear people on Facebook,
Please stop telling everyone how poor you are "via Facebook for iPad."
Dear guy next door,
No matter how many times you walk by my apartment slowly while I'm baking, you're not getting a cupcake.
Dear new girlfriend,
I thought I was the only one who put glue on their hands and peeled off when I was younger!
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