Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear people who are on no carb diets,
I hope you realize that fruits, veggies, and dairy are all carbohydrates.
Dear extremely overweight women,
Please stop wearing clothes that would only fit if you were 100 pounds lighter.
Dear freshmen girls in my apartment,
It's really not attractive when you get drunk and lose all control over your bodily functions. No one thinks you're cute with puke on your shirt.
Dear college,
I am a left handed ginger.
Dear early bird,
Go ahead and have your worm. By the time I wake up, the bacon should be ready.
Dear boyfriend,
When I say I wanna go see the muppets movie, its not code for lets make out in the back row for the whole movie.
Dear best guy friend,
We made a bet in highschool that we wouldn't last dating. I said two weeks. You said two months.
Dear Jersey Shore,
Please give me my little sister back.
Dear little kid at the park,
Please keep thinking I have "metal arms." It's adorable.
Dear Harry Potter,
Your mom died trying to protect you, too? We should be friends!
Dear dad,
Please continue to open the sunroof and blast Adele songs on the highway when I'm feeling low.
Dear undergrad who wrote on my teaching review "Strengths: Good Mustache.",
Thank you for making it all worthwhile.
Dear nice romantic boys,
I'm too old for hide-and-go-seek now.
Dear kid I babysit,
Your name is Ariel... and you named your dog Flounder...
Dear 4 year old cousin,
He asked you to hand him the "skin color" crayon, so you gave him tan, yellow, peach, brown, and black.
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