Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear guys everywhere,
When we say "I'm cold" you have 2 choices: give us your sweatshirt, or hug us till we're warm.
Dear TV shows,
Please realize that most kids in high school are 13-18...not 23-28
Dear "you have one day left to finish the assignment",
A day on Mercury is 1,392 hours.
Dear campers,
Just gonna stand there and watch me burn?
Dear Principal who thinks "I love boobies" bracelets are offensive,
I think breast cancer is offensive.
Dear woman whispering behind my back at Wal-Mart,
No. This child that's with me is not my son. He's my little brother. No. He's not black or Mexican. He's a Pacific Islander. Insult him again, I will punch you. That's how much I love him.
Dear dishwasher detergent,
Why are YOU made with real lemon juice, but I'm not?
Dear driver who won't let the ambulance pass,
You're a douche. What if that was your dying mother in the back?
Dear boyfriend,
Life without you is like a sneaker without laces, a geek without braces, asentencewithoutspaces.
Dear Dexter,
You're the only reason I know how to spell Laboratory.
Dear cop I just drove by,
Please stop texting. Also, you have a tail-light out, and that sign said "NO TURN ON RED."
Dear girl all over my boyfriend,
No, really, he's not kidding.
Dear pregnant teens,
Not everyone thinks your swollen abdomen is beautiful or a "miracle."
Dear old lady sitting next to me in church,
You don't have to hold your purse so tight. I won't take it...
Dear movie directors,
Is it awkward when you're conducting auditions for the 'ugly' character?
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