Dear synchronized swimmers,
Do you all have to drown if one of you does?
Sincerely, curiously optimistic.
Dear parents,
Please do not pull the covers off in an attempt to wake me up.
Sincerely, comfortably sleeping naked.
Dear elbow,
I didn't want to touch you anyway...
Sincerely, tongue.
Dear Jersey Shore cast,
You're getting rich from doing what? Getting drunk and having random sex?
Sincerely, sign me up please.
Dear Peach,
It is called the witness protection program.
Sincerely, Mario.
Dear parents,
Contrary to popular belief, I am not a certified babysitter.
Sincerely, the lifeguard.
Dear slutty freshmen girls,
This might come as a surprise to you but, your boobs go inside your shirt...
Sincerely, I don't see any poles here, are you lost?
Dear mom,
Please stop asking about characters and plot points two minutes into the movie.
Sincerely, seriously, I know as much as you do.
Dear confused teenage girls,
If your boyfriend is sparkly and he doesn't want to have sex with you, he's not a vampire, he's just gay.
Sincerely, reality.
Dear geeks,
At least we have a candy named after us...
Sincerely, nerds.
Dear Apple Jacks,
Why don't you taste like apples?! WHY?!
Sincerely, kids all over the world.
Dear Taco Bell,
You really don't need to defend the fact that the taco meat is 35% beef, we really don't care.
Sincerely, drunken midnight run.
Dear guy on the treadmill next to mine,
Cologne is not a substitute for deodorant.
Sincerely, girl about to barf.
Dear boy,
Thanks for drawing a heart on my graphing calculator.
Sincerely, it was the only time math made me smile.
Dear sports,
I just realized that you can buy trophies.
Sincerely, suddenly good at everything.
THIS IS PAGE 2
