Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear tooth fairy ,
I know I'm a little old, but if I pulled out my tooth and put it under my pillow, would you please come? I really need the money...
Dear person who just tweeted "if u cud recomend a book 4 me wat wud it b?",
It would be a dictionary.
Dear Jesus,
If the Holy Spirit lives within us, does that make us your Horcuxes?
Dear World,
I told a chemistry joke once...
Dear oxygen,
Care for a game of aldehyde and seek?
Dear my new puppy,
When I named you 'Dobby' I didn't intend for you to steal all my socks...
Dear Marching Band,
We, the percussion section, are the only section that doesn't blow...
Dear cookie dough,
How come you're always better than the actual cookie?
Dear school announcements,
"Oh and one last announcement, Freshmen, you do not need to be asked to go to homecoming. It is a school wide dance. You also do not need to pay an extra 15 dollars for the tickets."
Dear Disney's Beauty and the Beast,
So it really doesn't matter whats on the outside?
Dear P.E. Teacher,
Please bring back the giant parachute.
Dear world,
Please understand we don't all look like we came out of a Doritos bag.
Dear Halloween stores,
No, not all teenage girls would like to dress as sluts this year.
Dear people who jokingly say they have Tourette's when they do something random,
I may randomly punch you.
Dear friend who broke up with her 48 hour boyfriend,
What happened? "It's a long story..."
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