Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear toys that have been traped in a box for eight years,
Please forgive me...
Dear white shirt that just got wet,
You win this round.
Dear Mario,
How come you're an Italian plumber who speaks English, looks like a Mexican and was created by Japanese people?
Dear next door neighbour,
If you won't stop your 3am parties, at least invite me to them!
Dear American government,
Is it sad that I have more money than you?
Dear readers,
I would make a chemistry joke...
Dear Keg,
I'd tap that.
Dear "I never wear condoms",
I would be concerned, but your hand can't get pregnant.
Dear World,
I'm a guy and my best guy friend is gay, I like it that way.
Dear annoying people,
Hashtags are for Twitter not Facebook.
Dear cats,
Please eat my homework.
Dear teachers,
If you want us to be quiet, just give us something to color. It works every time.
Dear high school girls,
Is that a skirt, or did you just pull down your tank top?
Dear lady with $500 sunglasses,
How about I get you a pair of nice $20 sunglasses, glue a random name brand and some rhinestones on it, and then you give me the rest of the money to buy things that actually matter.
Dear Bruno Mars,
Today I don't feel like doing anything... but I'm going to get out of bed and actually work for a living.
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