Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear fart,
Please be silent, please be silent!!
Dear vegans,
Thank you for making us seem more normal.
Dear fellow nerds,
When life gives us lemons, use the acidic content to squeeze it into the cuts of the people who bully us.
Dear 15ish year old girl buying condoms and lube,
I'm standing behind you in the checkout line buying coloring books for my party... I'm in college.
Dear cute girl who said sorry to a wall after she bumped into it,
Don't be embarrased. I swear I'm not laughing at you.
Dear parent who just asked me where the remote was,
It's right there... on the other couch, in open view.
Dear Elbow,
One of these days...
Dear people who drove by and called me a fag,
I'm a girl, so...I believe the proper politically incorrect term you were looking for is dyke.
Dear economics/government teacher,
I love how there's a bunch of stuff currently going on in the economy and government that is quite relatable to what we're studying in the book, yet you decide to talk about a hypothetical doughnut shop.
Dear whores in my school,
Does your dad see you before you go off to school in the morning?
Dear brother,
Please learn to aim for the toilet or else I will start leaving my tampon wrappers on the sink.
Dear Shake Weight,
This feels oddly familiar...
Dear people who don't know difference between knowledge and wisdom,
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Dear loving boyfriend,
Thank you for understanding that if you want me, you have to put up with my childish antics too.
Dear upstairs neighbors,
Do you wear 500 lb weights on your feet when you walk around?
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