Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear woman talking on her cell phone in the bathroom,
Is it not awkward for you to be having a conversation right now?
Dear girl who posted a bikini picture saying, "gettingg ma tann onnn inn earllyyy marchhh!!!!",
That's not a tan, that's spray-on Cheetos mix.
Dear boy I like,
Kiss?
Dear "geeky kid",
Thank you for asking "who's that?" when a popular kid was called out on the intercom..
Dear friend,
If I touch your face and my finger changes to a a whole new shade, you're wearing too much make-up.
Dear janitor walking down the school hallways whistling Disney songs,
You made my day.
Dear Oreo's company,
Please consider just selling the filling in pudding cups.
Dear inventors of the English language,
If something horrible is horrific, why isn't something terrible terrific?
Dear 5 year old brother,
Thank you for slapping me and screaming, "Cock-a-doodle-doo!" promptly at 6 o'clock this morning.
Dear teacher,
Does the works cited page count as an actual page?
Dear germaphobe,
I'm still here.
Dear future husband,
I will: pack your lunch, make the bed and always kiss you when you're mad. You will: kill all scary insects, get the mail and hug me all the time. Deal?
Dear homophobic people,
Have you considered that you have an unhealthy obsession with other people's sex lives?
Dear people complaining about how tight some girls pants are,
It's a defense tactic...
Dear woman who just called me a gold-digging slut,
...he's my Grandad.
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