Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear extremely rude lady that just came through my check-out lane,
Do you realize you just paid with a check and I now have your address?
Dear baby,
You've kicked me, cracked my ribs, made me fat, given me Flinstone feet, made me vomit on numerous occasions, given me mood swings, made me tempermental towards everyone around me, and you've been putting me through 14 hours of hard, manual labour.
Dear MATH,
You stand for Mental Abuse to Humans, right?
Dear middle schoolers,
If you can't say the word sex without laughing then you probably aren't old enough to have it
Dear 11 empty handicapped spots,
This is an indoor rock climbing gym.
Dear world,
I discovered something even better than colored bubble wrap.
Dear Flight Attendant,
Thank you for saying Wingardium Leviosa when the plane took off.
Dear twelve-year olds who dress like they're twenty,
Pull up a chair, Phineas and Ferb will be starting shortly. Care for a juice box?
Dear people who complain about teenagers,
Oh, did you manage skip that age?
Dear children of the world,
Due to the increasing cost of coal, misbehaving children will now receive Miley Cyrus CD's instead.
Dear people who wear hipster glasses that don't have lenses,
Stop making those of us with prescription glasses look like douches.
Dear teacher,
For number 14, I answered "I hope you don't read this, because I don't know the answer."
Dear Internet,
Why are you suddenly full of interesting things when it's Sunday night and I have a paper due?
Dear Jersey Shore,
If I wanted to see talking carrots, I would watch Veggie Tales.
Dear mom,
You get mad at me for not acting my age, and then start sobbing because I'm "growing up too fast."
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