Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Mom,
"I was at work all day!" is not a valid excuse to make me do stuff for you.
Dear judgmental people,
Why yes, I did just leave the high school parking lot blaring the Pokemon theme song out of my car.
Dear homophobic boss,
If being gay is such a disease, can I call in sick for the rest of my life?
Dear little brother who opens my mail,
Jokes on you! It's tampon samples!
Dear Sorting Hat,
Is lice ever a problem?
Dear hipsters and emos,
I was a tortured poet before it was cool.
Dear Microsoft Word,
If there was only one spelling suggestion, why didn't you just change it for me?
Dear religious nut,
If you knew the baby would turn out to be gay, then would you approve abortion?
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
While I accomplished saving my entire country from one of the toughest armies in the world, you accomplished... sleeping...
Dear USB port,
This is awkward...
Dear aliens,
I have done more probing than you can imagine...
Dear insecure guy on top of me,
Please stop asking if I "like that." If I didn't, I wouldn't still be under you.
Dear 6'2" boyfriend,
You realize I can hear your heartbeat when we hug, right? That means I can hear how fast its beating after we kiss, too.
Dear pants making companies,
Please stop making fake pockets.
Dear people I know who see me at the movies and ask me what I'm doing,
Giving birth.
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