Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear coloring book,
Why did you include a picture with a mirror in it?!
Dear receptionist,
Yes, I just roundhouse kicked the elevator button.
Dear teachers,
Thanks for giving me an A on that project you said couldn't be done at the last minute.
Dear Disney,
I failed a history test because of you!
Dear Oreos,
You taught me that it's the inside that counts.
Dear Victoria's Secret,
Thank you for being concerned with my safety.
Dear people,
While reading this sentence, the brain doesn't process that the word "the" was used twice in a row.
Dear Toy Story 3 in Spanish,
Does Buzz start talking in English after he's reset?
Dear British guy in my AP World History class,
I thoroughly enjoy the fact that you know more about American history than half of our classmates.
Dear middle aged man in dress clothes,
Eating your lunch out of a SuperMan lunch box where I could see it?
Dear people on longboards,
We don't watch you board down the hills on campus because we think you're cool, we watch because we're hoping you fall.
Dear substitute teacher,
Yes, that is my real name.
Dear spider on the shower wall,
you can drown or get hit with a shampoo bottle. Your choice.
Dear mom who says "I don't want to look at that mess",
Then don't walk into my room and stare at it...
Dear high school bullies,
It's good to see you again!
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