Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear English homework,
I have written a haiku.
Dear girls,
If a guy tells you that you broke his heart, take him seriously.
Dear silica gel packets,
OM NOM NOM.
Dear Ken,
Did you know Barbie's knees don't bend? Have fun with that...
Dear male doctors,
Saying "I'm just gonna take a quick peak" doesn't make it any less awkward.
Dear air freshener companies,
That is NOT what the ocean smells like.
Dear military funeral protesters,
We fight for you too.
Dear men,
I couldn't care less if you leave the toilet seat up. Whatever prevents you from pissing all over the seat is fine by me.
Dear America,
Tomorrow was awesome.
Dear boyfriend,
When I asked why you love me, I was looking for something other than, "because you're hot."
Dear obnoxiously loud girl ordering pizza in the library,
I think I'll do some online shopping now.
Dear pregnancy test,
How can you be so positive at a time like this?!
Dear boy I happen to like,
Please stop going through my iPod. I don't want you to see my Backstreet Boys albums...
Dear humans,
Why are your newborn babies so freaking ugly?!
Dear United States Citizens,
It's amazing what you will believe.
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