Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear boyfriend,
The fact that you didn't judge me when I said I wanted a dinosaur pillow pet (even though I'm 21) makes me like you even more...
Dear guests at my house,
Just because you find Bubble Wrap on the floor does NOT mean you can pop it!
Dear Parents,
If I don't answer at 4:10, I'm probably not going to answer at 4:12.
Dear Harry Potter Fans,
Did you know "muggle" used to be slang for marijuana?
Dear fuzz ball,
I do intend to repeatedly slap you, flick you away from me, and watch for signs of life until you prove to me you aren't a bug.
Dear Biology students,
I enjoy seeing the paranoia set in as you realize every answer on the test is A.
Dear beggar who's sign said, "I bet you $1 you can read this.",
Clever…
Dear stupid people in my physics class,
Please keep getting really low grades on tests, forcing the teacher to curve the grades
Dear crush's boyfriend,
When I said "Nice to meet you" I meant "Prepare to die in your sleep."
Dear judgemental fathers,
Hitler wanted to be a painter, but his dad said no...
Dear Brain,
You forget every homework assignment, but remember all the dialogue from The Princess Bride and Harry Potter...?
Dear brother who thought he was old enough to see Paranormal Activity,
Sure you can sleep in my room tonight.
Dear JK. rowling,
Please write and release "Hogwarts - A History."
Dear boys,
She's does me every morning... for hours.
Dear nurse who just asked what my method of birth control is,
Uh.... being a lesbian.
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