Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Mr. Clean commercials,
We get that your product works, but could you please clean the rest of the counter?
Dear "I wasn't that drunk",
Dude, you threw my hamster and yelled "PIKACHU!"
Dear girls on the subway at 2 a.m.,
Please don't assume I'm "totally smashed" just because I'm nodding off.
Dear teacher,
The reason my homework wasn't done is because I spent all night talking my best friend out of suicide.
Dear girls everywhere,
Bruno Mars may take one grenade for you, but we take hundreds every day and expect nothing in return.
Dear weather man ,
Please explain the difference between partly sunny and partly cloudy.
Dear teens,
Wikipedia, Twitter, And Facebook consume our lives...
Dear vending machine,
Sorry my dollars aren't STRAIGHT enough for you...
Dear Victoria's Secret,
If I'm here to buy a DD bra, I don't think all this extra padding is necessary.
Dear Prince Charming,
I've tried losing my shoe, collecting cutlery underwater, eating poisonous fruit, sleeping for extended periods of time, conversing with teapots, running away from home only to be chased by men who thought I stole an apple, making friends with trees and raccoons, masquerading as a man in the army, growing my hair out a locking myself in a tower, and moving to the bayou to start my own restaurant.
Dear "pretty girl",
I don't think it counts if 90% of your beauty can come off with a Kleenex.
Dear Snookie,
We did it! You really don't need talent to be famous!
Dear Google+,
If you want to successfuly compete with Facebook, just create a dislike button.
Dear "c" and "x" keys,
Must you be so close together?
Dear boys,
I don't necessarily expect you to cook for me every night, I just want you to be willing to if I'm having a really crappy day.
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