Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear girl who sits next to me in biology,
Please ignore that un-masculine giggle I just let out.
Dear little kid crying because he dropped his iPad,
If you drop a basketball, soccer ball, baseball, or any other ball, it won't crack open.
Dear "Username or Password is incorrect",
TELL ME WHICH ONE YOU SON OF A...
Dear LMFAO,
My 3 year old daughter is running around naked in the kitchen singing I'm sexy and I know it.
Dear girls "whispering" during lecture,
We can still hear you. Even the professor knows just how drunk Jessie got.
Dear meteorologist,
0% chance of rain? I just had to sprint a mile in the pouring rain without an umbrella.
Dear coughing smoker beside me,
I think you just dropped your lung.
Dear Voldemort,
I got your nose! Nope? Still not funny? Ahh well carry on.
Dear people who think they are being insulting,
Did you know that douche means shower?
Dear piece of food that just fell on the floor,
5....4....3....2....1....ATTACK!
Dear World,
Please stop stereotyping college students as living off ramen noodles.
Dear world,
I'd rather watch Kim Possible than Kim Kardashian.
Dear mother who told me I could call her for a ride home,
Believe it or not, my friends and I aren't drinking.
Dear everyone,
We earn a lot money from people dropping their phones into water and having to buy new ones. Why do you think we would ever want to make a waterproof phone?
Dear people who want to know where "it's raining cats and dogs" came from,
Small animals would hide in the straw roofs to keep warm, and when it poured, they would slip off.
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