Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear kindergarten teacher,
How come you never let me have a turn at the name game?
Dear heart,
Please stop getting all up in my business. Your job is to pump blood, that's it.
Dear parents,
Please stop celebrating your anniversary at home.
Dear students,
Please don't copy and paste Wikipedia into your papers. I have the internets too.
Dear mom,
Seriously, what did you see in dad?
Dear bra,
Why aren't you called a booby trap?
Dear mom,
You can barely use your GPS in your car, how did you figure out that I blocked you on Facebook?!
Dear society,
If I start acting mature, that's all it'll ever be. Acting.
Dear body,
Please refrain from spending resources on growing leg hair. It's quite unnecessary.
Dear Always,
Okay... I'll admit it, this actually IS a happy period.
Dear forlorn lovesick girls,
If you're having to play 'he loves me...... he loves me not...' chances are he loves you not.
Dear face wash commercials,
No one smiles while washing their face.
Dear people,
When someone tells you you're one in a million, that means there are 1000 people just like you in China.
Dear Aladdin,
How do I explain to my 6 year old why you don't have nipples?
Dear peanut butter and jelly,
WHY DOESNT ANYONE EVER MENTION ME?!
THIS IS PAGE 3
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