Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear people of the modern world,
Please forgive us for not finishing our calander. We were kind of distracted by the Europeans killing us.
Dear college,
I know you really want all the loans paid off... do you mind if I pay you in gum?
Dear Political Science teacher,
Thank you for allowing laptops in class.
Dear people who cannot spell,
Please note that there is a big difference between "sweet pea" and "sweat pee."
Dear girls,
When we can see your pockets coming out of the bottom of your shorts... that's when you should realize you're not actually wearing shorts.
Dear bullies,
And I suppose I have six eyes if I wear my science glasses over my prescriptions?
Dear coffee, chocolate, and men,
Some things are better rich.
Dear Leonardo DiCaprio,
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
Dear hipsters wearing glasses with no lenses,
TWO FINGER EYE POKE!
Dear Urban Dictionary,
Thank you SO much.
Dear male bio teacher,
Let's see... I really only ask to go to the bathroom once a month, and I've already cursed out the know-it-all twice today. You do the math.
Dear automatic toilet,
I wasn't done!
Dear Pixar,
Why did you make 18-year-old Andy so hot?
Dear moron who threatened me with a knife,
You might have noticed my "nice butt" but you totally missed my 120 pound Rottweilers.
Dear people who say love can't be found when you're young,
I just attended a wedding of 2 people who have been together since the 4th grade, never broken up and still in love.
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