Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear piece of food that just fell on the floor,
5....4....3....2....1....ATTACK!
Dear World,
Please stop stereotyping college students as living off ramen noodles.
Dear world,
I'd rather watch Kim Possible than Kim Kardashian.
Dear mother who told me I could call her for a ride home,
Believe it or not, my friends and I aren't drinking.
Dear everyone,
We earn a lot money from people dropping their phones into water and having to buy new ones. Why do you think we would ever want to make a waterproof phone?
Dear people who want to know where "it's raining cats and dogs" came from,
Small animals would hide in the straw roofs to keep warm, and when it poured, they would slip off.
Dear fart,
Please be silent, please be silent!!
Dear vegans,
Thank you for making us seem more normal.
Dear fellow nerds,
When life gives us lemons, use the acidic content to squeeze it into the cuts of the people who bully us.
Dear 15ish year old girl buying condoms and lube,
I'm standing behind you in the checkout line buying coloring books for my party... I'm in college.
Dear cute girl who said sorry to a wall after she bumped into it,
Don't be embarrased. I swear I'm not laughing at you.
Dear parent who just asked me where the remote was,
It's right there... on the other couch, in open view.
Dear Elbow,
One of these days...
Dear people who drove by and called me a fag,
I'm a girl, so...I believe the proper politically incorrect term you were looking for is dyke.
Dear economics/government teacher,
I love how there's a bunch of stuff currently going on in the economy and government that is quite relatable to what we're studying in the book, yet you decide to talk about a hypothetical doughnut shop.
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