Nous Sommes Unis.
Sincerely, the rest of the world
Dear Guys Everywhere,
If she "frienzones" you, it's for a reason. She's not "playing hard to get," or "leading you on" or "being a bitch". And if you are saying these things behind her back, you aren't friendzoned, you're turned down.
Sincerely, She Probably Knew You Were An Asshole.
Please stop with the gender roles. I live in a constant struggle between wanting a strong man to keep me safe and wanting to be a strong independent woman who don't need no man.
Sincerely, Can I be a princess knight? Is that a thing?
Dear certain Christians,
I think there are better things to get upset about than Starbucks' holiday coffee cups.
Sincerely, a Christian
Please do not try and push your special-needs kids into my honors class. They may be very gifted in certain areas, but they are unable to keep up with the pace of my class, and would do much better in classes where they can get more personalized instruction.
Sincerely, Being in a special-needs class does not mean your child is dumb.
Dear retail stores,
It's Thanksgiving, not Black Friday Eve. Let us spend time with our families.
Sincerely, retail workers
Dear other men,
Please realize that you should have no say in women's reproductive choices, and it is perverse that you insist otherwise.
Sincerely, A man
Dear stranger walking with your friends slowly on the sidewalk,
THANK YOU for kindly noticing that you and your group of friends are talking up the whole sidewalk and for gently pulling your friend closer to you to make room for me to pass so I'm not stuck behind you
Sincerely, a fast walking person who's trying to get to school P.S. YOU ARE AN ANGEL
Dear Gay Sister,
Me not going to your gay pride parade doesn't make me a homophobe. You're my sister. I care as much about your sexuality as you do of my games.
Sincerely, disinterested brother
Dear people who spread Islamophobia,
Please read a book. Or talk to an actual Muslim sometime.
Sincerely, people like you are how the Holocaust started
Dear Boyfriend Everyone Teases About for Not Being Good Looking,
I always knew you were the one when I texted you about what you were doing, and you replied "I'm baking cookies with my grandmother for Vacation Bible School. I'm helping with the 7 year olds today".
Sincerely, Your Girlfriend Who Finds You Amazing in Every Way
If your PDA is handholding and a couple of quick kisses, okay. That's fine. If your PDA is about a grope and a cloth away from becoming a full on sex show, then yes, I am going to say something. If I wanted to watch people having sex in public, I would go to a venue designed for that. Not to my local shopping area or my local food court or anywhere where kids are legally present.
Sincerely, get a room
Dear 13 year old little sister,
you watch my 90's kid cartoons with me, help me with my blanket forts, have harry potter magic duels with me, assist me in eating the cookie dough, and have star wars, Lord of the Rings, and Harry potter movie marathons with me. I have taught you well.
Sincerely, your 19 year old sister who loves you.
Dear parents everywhere,
If you are going to take your kids out somewhere, pay attention to them, try to keep them under control, and own up and take responsibility when they misbehave. It is not the employees fault that your "little angel" was running around, screaming like a maniac, and knocked a cardboard display case over on themself. It is yours for not paying attention and standing around, jabbering on your phone.
Sincerely, disgusted patron who ought to call Child Services on you
Please teach your children manners before they get to school. That's part of your job. I'm frustrated that your child refuses to say please and thank you, or demands something instead of asks politely. Did you know your child blatantly refuses any direction given to them? Did you know they yell at us and attempt to hit us when they don't get their way?
Sincerely, Your Child's Elementary Teacher