Dear little sister's boyfriend,
We expect you to treat her like a queen, or we'll treat you like King Louis XVI in the French Revolution.
Sincerely, her 3 older brothers.
Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay,
Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet.
Sincerely, I'm a band student, and you're an idiot.
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas that effect global warming. You guys eat the plants that could fix global warming. So who is REALLY killing the planet?
Sincerely, meat lovers.
Dear bespectacled dark-haired friend and ginger friend,
Just finished reading Harry Potter series. On a completely unrelated note, I also figured out why we get all those weird stares when we hang out together...
Sincerely, Your bushy-haired, bookworm friend.
Thank you for picking up our newborn and holding him up in the air as the Lion King played on television.
Sincerely, I will never regret marrying you.
Dear U.S. government,
My teacher taught me that "pro" and "con" are opposites. So wouldn't the opposite of progress be...?
Sincerely, is that why nothing is getting done?
Dear makers of cherry flavored medicine,
Have you ever tasted a cherry?
Sincerely, the world.
Dear girls that are afraid of blood,
What do you do during your period?
Dear "Did your mom pick out your outfit?",
Did your pimp pick out yours?
Sincerely, self-respecting individuals.
Dear people arguing that you can't protect yourself from a rock with a piece of paper,
Mythbusters proved that you can bulletproof your car with telephone books.
Sincerely, paper wins.
I liked you better when I thought you were a dinosaur.
Sincerely, the two year old me.
Dear "popular" girls at my school,
You know you sweat during gym right?
Sincerely, You're fake tan is coming off in droplets.
Dear substitute teacher,
Thank you for saying "There are only 2 reasons why your hands would be under your desk like that, and neither of those are allowed in school," to the kid texting in class.
Sincerely, you just made my day.
I really liked that sweatshirt, but oh, you can just have it. It's not like I spent a lot of money on it or anything. You go on ahead.
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!