Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear chocolate milk,
I would rather drink you than beer.
Dear people who do not consider teachers to be "professionals",
Can you read this?
Dear society,
If teenage girls can listen to male artists, how come it looks weird if teenage guys listen to female artists?
Dear homophobic moron currently in considerable amounts of pain,
Next time don't be so quick to assume that gay means weak.
Dear people using the Bible to "support" their ignorant and hateful opinions,
THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!
Dear freshmen girls in my apartment,
It's really not attractive when you get drunk and lose all control over your bodily functions. No one thinks you're cute with puke on your shirt.
Dear Disney,
Please stop portraying us as bi***es. When my stepdaughter met me, she burst into tears and told her father that she didn't want the evil stepmother to take care of her.
Dear parents,
When I said I was going to write a novel, I wasn't joking...
Dear cut on my leg,
I got you from shaving. You don't need to make it look like a murder scene just went down in the tub.
Dear dad,
Please stop telling me that my generation is ruined. Your generation raised us.
Dear little brother who just told me he'll be my prom date after no one asked me,
Don't ever grow up. Ever.
Dear guys,
I don't need tight clothes or tons of makeup to get you to like me. I will seduce you with my awkwardness.
Dear Mom,
Rememer how you told me that you wish I was more like Heather from school? Because Heather runs track, lost 40 pounds, gets asked to dances all the time and now has a cute boyfriend? Well, if it's any interest to you, today Heather dropped out of school because she's three months pregnant and needs to get a full time job at McDonald's to support herself and the baby.
Dear people against gay parents,
Well, I don't know about you, but I think Simba turned out pretty well.
Dear "what do you plan to do when you graduate?",
...try to pay my rent.
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