Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear "God created Adam and eve, not Adam and Steve",
God created you too Steve. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
Dear people who say that Mean Girls is the most quotable movie ever,
You obviously have never seen The Princess Bride.
Dear YOLO,
You wish you could be as cool as me.
Dear football teams,
Thank you for being our opening and closing acts.
Dear driver with a "Love Animals Don't Eat Them" bumper sticker,
I do love animals. Especially pigs.
Dear robber,
Please note that the door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine.
Dear football players,
You play football? That's cute. We throw 100 pound girls. You throw 2 pound footballs. Oh, and we actually catch ours.
Dear friend who just called Disney lame,
DISHONOR ON YOU, DISHONOR ON YOUR COW.
Dear Boys,
I have milkshakes!
Dear world ,
Please be aware, that, if you aren't a Harry Potter fan, you won't get approximately 9 3/4 of the jokes we make.
Dear Doctor,
Alright, so my iron levels are too high so I need to eat less red meat, and my vitamin B12 levels are too low so I need to eat more red meat.
Dear peanut butter and jelly:,
I only use you together, and your jars are the same size. Why don't you run out at the same time?
Dear twilight fans,
I saw a man with a shirt that said, "team: guy who almost nailed bella with a car."
Dear Seniors,
Freshmen are friends, not food.
Dear person who said sports make guys 600% hotter,
Please realize boys in Marching band are really good with their fingers and mouths
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