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Dear little sister's boyfriend,
We expect you to treat her like a queen, or we'll treat you like King Louis XVI in the French Revolution.
Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay,
Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet.
Dear vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas that effect global warming. You guys eat the plants that could fix global warming. So who is REALLY killing the planet?
Dear bespectacled dark-haired friend and ginger friend,
Just finished reading Harry Potter series. On a completely unrelated note, I also figured out why we get all those weird stares when we hang out together...
Dear husband,
Thank you for picking up our newborn and holding him up in the air as the Lion King played on television.
Dear U.S. government,
My teacher taught me that "pro" and "con" are opposites. So wouldn't the opposite of progress be...?
Dear makers of cherry flavored medicine,
Have you ever tasted a cherry?
Dear girls that are afraid of blood,
What do you do during your period?
Dear "Did your mom pick out your outfit?",
Did your pimp pick out yours?
Dear people arguing that you can't protect yourself from a rock with a piece of paper,
Mythbusters proved that you can bulletproof your car with telephone books.
Dear Thesaurus,
I liked you better when I thought you were a dinosaur.
Dear "popular" girls at my school,
You know you sweat during gym right?
Dear substitute teacher,
Thank you for saying "There are only 2 reasons why your hands would be under your desk like that, and neither of those are allowed in school," to the kid texting in class.
Dear girlfriend,
I really liked that sweatshirt, but oh, you can just have it. It's not like I spent a lot of money on it or anything. You go on ahead.
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
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