Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear guy that asked me if I was free tonight,
Darn right I'm free.
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Dear Parents,
I like my men like I like my coffee...... I don't like coffee.
Dear school,
I decided to start a petition for the right to wear tanktops in schools
Dear my un-nerdy peers,
I told a chemistry joke once.
Dear people who think women dress up to impress guys,,
If we dressed to impress guys we'd be naked.
Dear Mom,
I actually DO play the Mario Kart game you bought me. I love it! I just don't play it around you, because I get so into it that I scream horrible things at Princess Peach and I don't think you wanna hear that
Dear Olympian Gods,
Start using protection. I mean, really. Has it ever turned out very well for you?
Dear male nurse who handed me over to a female nurse so that it wouldn't be awkward when he put EKG sensors on my chest,
Please realize that having a female do this is even more awkward.
Dear friends bragging how far they have gone ,
I walked all the way to the super market yesterday
Dear waitress judging me for ordering alcohol,
I'm not pregnant, just fat.
Dear men,
Please. Trojan extra-large condoms are made to fit most regular sized men to boost their confidence and ensure further purchased.
Dear Jacob,
Please stop calling yourself a werewolf. You're an animagus. Now, please turn to page 394.
Dear professional bakers,
If a redhead owned a bakery, would that make him a ginger bread man?
Dear time,
Please tell my brain that it's one AM and I don't need to be making beat box rhythms to my husbands snoring.
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