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Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay,
Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet.
Dear vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas that effect global warming. You guys eat the plants that could fix global warming. So who is REALLY killing the planet?
Dear husband,
Thank you for picking up our newborn and holding him up in the air as the Lion King played on television.
Dear musicians,
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Dear U.S. government,
My teacher taught me that "pro" and "con" are opposites. So wouldn't the opposite of progress be...?
Dear makers of cherry flavored medicine,
Have you ever tasted a cherry?
Dear girls that are afraid of blood,
What do you do during your period?
Dear people arguing that you can't protect yourself from a rock with a piece of paper,
Mythbusters proved that you can bulletproof your car with telephone books.
Dear substitute teacher,
Thank you for saying "There are only 2 reasons why your hands would be under your desk like that, and neither of those are allowed in school," to the kid texting in class.
Dear "popular kid",
If you're "cooler" than me, doesn't that make me "hotter" than you?
Dear girlfriend,
I really liked that sweatshirt, but oh, you can just have it. It's not like I spent a lot of money on it or anything. You go on ahead.
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
Dear Americans,
You do realize that we have other names that aren't Raj, right?
Dear guy who just called me a lesbian,
Yes I am.
Dear urbandictionary.com,
Ohhhhhhh.
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