Dear guy that asked me if I was free tonight,
Darn right I'm free.
Sincerely, this is America!!!
Dear people who take Bible verse out of context,
Put that thing back where it came from or so help me.
Sincerely, Mike Wazowski
I like my men like I like my coffee...... I don't like coffee.
Sincerely, coming out
I decided to start a petition for the right to wear tanktops in schools
Sincerely, because I support my right to bare arms
Dear my un-nerdy peers,
I told a chemistry joke once.
Sincerely, there was no reaction.
Dear people who think women dress up to impress guys,,
If we dressed to impress guys we'd be naked.
Dear people of the internet,
Did you know a whale's fart bubble is large enough to enclose a horse?
Sincerely, I thought you might want to know
Dear Olympian Gods,
Start using protection. I mean, really. Has it ever turned out very well for you?
Dear waitress judging me for ordering alcohol,
I'm not pregnant, just fat.
Sincerely, now get my drink
Dear male nurse who handed me over to a female nurse so that it wouldn't be awkward when he put EKG sensors on my chest,
Please realize that having a female do this is even more awkward.
Dear friends bragging how far they have gone ,
I walked all the way to the super market yesterday
Sincerely, does that count?
Please. Trojan extra-large condoms are made to fit most regular sized men to boost their confidence and ensure further purchased.
Sincerely, don't get so cocky next time.
Dear professional bakers,
If a redhead owned a bakery, would that make him a ginger bread man?
Sincerely, just wondering
Please tell my brain that it's one AM and I don't need to be making beat box rhythms to my husbands snoring.
Sincerely, tired wife who is easily amused