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Dear ignorant person that told me that clarinets are gay,
Elton John is gay, a clarinet is a clarinet.
Dear vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas that effect global warming. You guys eat the plants that could fix global warming. So who is REALLY killing the planet?
Dear musicians,
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Dear U.S. government,
My teacher taught me that "pro" and "con" are opposites. So wouldn't the opposite of progress be...?
Dear girls that are afraid of blood,
What do you do during your period?
Dear "popular kid",
If you're "cooler" than me, doesn't that make me "hotter" than you?
Dear urbandictionary.com,
Ohhhhhhh.
Dear girlfriend,
I really liked that sweatshirt, but oh, you can just have it. It's not like I spent a lot of money on it or anything. You go on ahead.
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
Dear guy who just called me a lesbian,
Yes I am.
Dear Twilight,
Please stop pretending Edward vs. Jacob is about choosing between two guys. One is a vampire and the other is a werewolf. It's more like necrophilia vs. bestiality.
Dear internet,
Please stop with the talking ads that start on their own.
Dear humans,
How can you sweat like us when we don't sweat?
Dear Bella Swan,
Depression hurts. Cymbalta can help.
Dear Rebecca and Jacob,
You are a disgrace to the name.
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