Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Mom,
Just because you saw me naked as a baby, and we have the same parts, does NOT make it okay for you to just walk in to talk to me while I'm in the shower.
Dear future husband,
I will: pack your lunch, make the bed and always kiss you when you're mad. You will: kill all scary insects, get the mail and hug me all the time. Deal?
Dear "you're just wearing that braid because of the Hunger Games",
Yes, I love the book. Yes, I saw the movie.
Dear old picture of me,
Nice light-up shoes.
Dear Youtube,
I don't mind your commercials at the beginning, but when THEY need time to load, I get annoyed.
Dear iPhone users,
You do realize you can turn OFF the autocorrect, right?
Dear white kids who want a scholarship,
Kentucky State University offers a minority scholarship to white people.
Dear people wanting a movie about an ugly/fat princess,
Have you forgotten my wife, Fiona?
Dear Dad who asked us to buy him two light sabers for Christmas,
You totally made our day when you said it was so you could duel with any guy we brought home to meet you.
Dear boys,
Please understand, we think about sex a lot too.
Dear student who said "My dog ate my homework",
Thank you for bringing in your torn, and chewed, up homework as proof.
Dear mom,
Yes, I am almost 20. Yes, I will continue fighting my younger sister to push the elevator buttons.
Dear "do you ever feed your kids?",
Yes, yes I do. They just happen to eat very well and exercise... wouldn't you know it, they turn out thinner than yours.
Dear Sidewalk,
Please get wider.
Dear friend with really neat handwriting,
I love watching you write.
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