Dear drunk driver that popped up on the curb in front of my house,
I hope you crash. I hope your car bursts into flames and you have to drag your broken body out of the wreckage. I hope you have to live in a wheelchair, remembering your stupidity every time you see your burned face in the mirror.
Sincerely, you came within an inch of hitting my children, you moronic jackass
Dear students who complain about teachers not hole-punching their papers,
One of my teachers has 6 different classes to teach all school week. She wakes up at 2 am, goes to school at 5 am, and stays at school until 6 pm on most days just to grade papers and make lesson plans. And, she still makes time for her students if they ask or if she thinks they need it.
Sincerely, I can take 5 seconds to walk over and hole-punch papers to put in a binder.
Don't try and get upset over my opinion on gay marriage. You are the one who called me out and demanded that I answer you, so don't try and act like I'm 'oppressing' you when I tell you it's a sin. Premarital sex is a sin too, but I don't 'oppress' any of the others about it when they talk about it.
Sincerely, your Christian coworker who is willing to live and let live.
I put you there for a reason.
Sincerely, The asexual unimpressed with your sexual flirts.
Dear skin-colored band-aids,
Nobody's skin is that color. Not even white people.
Please bring back the lime skittles. We were all very upset when you discontinued them.
Sincerely, lemon lime lovers everywhere
Dear friend who keeps telling me to donate to her causes,
According to you, I'm in the top 15% of richest people globally. However, that does not mean I can afford to go giving it away. Different countries have different currencies, different economies and different prices. What I get may make me wealthy by comparison to the average farmer in Ghana, but here I'm barely above the poverty line. Perhaps you should turn your attention to your own back yard before you go saving the world.
Sincerely, having trouble feeding myself, let alone anyone else.
I don't care what your gender is.
Sincerely, I'm calling you sweetheart.
Dear Long Skirts,
Sincerely, haven't shaved in a week
Dear ex boyfriend ,
Acne cleared up, lost 25 lbs, and learning how to box.
Sincerely, your "fat and ugly" ex girlfriend you just whistled at
Dear high school that made yearly research papers mandatory,
The students will thank you when they get assigned their first fifteen page paper.
Sincerely, a college student that actually knows how to write a research paper.
Dear girls complaining about cramps,
It's ok. I'm here for you.
Dear people who think vegetarians cannot eat eggs,
Chickens do not need a male to lay eggs. Of there is no male present the chicken will still lay eggs, they just won't be fertile. Non-fertile eggs= no babies. This is why some people don't consider eggs a meat.
Sincerely, a girl who grew up raising chickens.
Dear employer of 11+ years who's done nothing but underpay me and take me for granted,
Please TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT! And don't worry, I won't let the door hit me in the butt on my way out.
Sincerely, Just got a promotion at my other job to my dream position