Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear world,
Hello my name is Inigo Montoya. You Killed My Father. Prepare to die!
Dear gangster blasting music from your car,
Thank you for parking right outside my bathroom window. I enjoyed dancing to your groovy song.
Dear Nerds,
You're not the only candy that does well in school.
Dear officer who pulled me over for going 36 in a 35,
It should be interesting when you come to my desk at the credit union from now on.
Dear people who say "money doesn't grow on trees",
Then why do banks have branches!?
Dear bratty spoiled cousin,
You're so lucky I don't speak parseltongue...
Dear person who asked, "are you two sisters?",
Yes, my Asian best friend is definitely a part of this white family...
Dear Candace,
Why dont you just take a picture of Phineas and Ferb?
Dear Charlie Brown,
You realize that Lucy keeps pulling the football away because she likes you, right?
Dear little girl,
please stop looking in through the cracks to see if I'm done.
Dear pessimists and optimists,
Look at the glass... Now it's wine!
Dear SpaghettiO's Alphabet Version,
Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose of SpaghettiO's?
Dear Bruno Mars and Taio Cruz,
You should throw your Grenades and Dynamite at Katy Perry.
Dear pervy kid in my English class,
There is a difference between 'I had a dream about you' and 'You were in my dream'.
Dear ex-boyfriend who thinks he's so cool because he dissed me through a poem,
Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, but what happened to you?
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