Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear kindergarteners texting on an iPhone,
When I was your age, I had to use cups strung together by a string and pretend it was a landline.
Dear English teacher,
Thank you for using analogies from The Lion King to explain Hamlet.
Dear guy I've been in love with for three years,
If I were your girlfriend, you would be eating home-made brownies right now.
Dear vegetarians,
Ever thought of calling yourselves herbivores? Sounds a bit cooler...
Dear people,
If life hands you melons...
Dear U.S. government,
Gringotts never needed to be bailed out....
Dear wind,
You need to buy me a few drinks before lifting up my skirt.
Dear cocky guys,
Sure "swag" rhymes with "sag," but it also rhymes with "douche bag."
Dear English teacher,
Thank you for calling America a free country and then letting me sit on the window sill for the duration of class.
Dear everyone,
If life gives you cookie dough... EAT IT RAW!
Dear cute boys with a hidden nerdy side,
Talk to me. I get you.
Dear girl I like,
Don't be concerned if a fat man puts you in a bag.
Dear people who make fun of me for being single,
I'm not single. I'm simply in a long distant relationship with my boyfriend who is in the future.
Dear undergrad who wrote on my teaching review "Strengths: Good Mustache.",
Thank you for making it all worthwhile.
Dear biology teacher,
We aren't cheating, we're covalently bonding our answers...
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