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Dear fellow freshmen,
Please know, I don't care if you swear. Hell I do the same! I don't care if you are giving blowjobs and having sex. I don't care if you are doing drugs. I don't care that you don't care about school. What I do care about is getting an education. So please refrain from swearing in front of the teachers who care about it, fucking each other and smoking pot in the auditorium. And please at least pretend to pay attention in class, so those of us who want to go to college on a budget can do so!
Dear girl sitting behind me,
Wanting to gain weight doesn't give you the right to treat me like I have a mental illness. There are things I want to do rather than trying ridiculous diets that society recommends.
Dear body positivity movement,
Please acknowledge that thin-shaming exists and is every bit as hurtful as fat-shaming. People always tell me I'm too skinny and that I'm not cuddly enough for anyone to actually like me, and I'm starting to believe it. I'm afraid of anyone seeing me naked because I'm so bony, and every time I try eating more to gain weight, I just end up feeling sick. Trust me, the grass isn't greener on this side of the fence. At all.
Dear friend,
Thanks for trying to be "supportive", but he's my husband, and I am his. We don't have to call each other "partners".
Dear guys and girls in the friendzone,
Please finally stop complaining. You either don't have the guts to admit you like them, which isn't their fault, or they rejected you, which isn't their fault. They don't know or don't like you. Either shut up and accept the apparent awfulness of being someone's friend, or get lost.
Dear pro-lifers,
Please stop harassing me with pictures of aborted fetuses on my campus. I will always support a woman's right to choose. And asking me "how do you feel" is unnecessay.
Dear father,
Please don't ignore your daughter while we're gone. Shes worried us going to college means she's going to be all alone. You can't just say you don't know how to treat a teenage girl and just ignore her. You treat her like a person. She likes football, video games, and chemistry. She never flips out or screams. She's rational and smart, but thinks her father doesn't love her. Go talk to her.
Dear Peta,
Please stop tearing down all agriculture. Not all Farmers are bad and all you're doing is scaring people into believing that their food isn't safe when the reality is that the animals, plants, and consumers are the center of all of our decisions.
Dear speeding drivers who tailgate me with their high beams on and think they can crowd me into speeding up,
Please realize you can't force me to drive faster. You're really just going to make me go slower because you're blinding me. Are you really in that much of a hurry that you need to put everyone else on the road in danger?
Dear student with a mandatory money management course in his/her school,
Could you please tell us which school you attend and how you lucky bastard got a mandatory course in money management? Also, did you learn to fill up a tax return as well? And to *gasp* write a resume?
Dear "You don't look handicapped",
Please stop judging me for using the elevator for handicapped people only, the handicapped stall, parking in handicapped parking, and using other services for handicapped people. Just because I don't look disabled doesn't mean I'm not, nor that I'm not in pain even on a good day.
Dear mom,
Please don't be ashamed you dropped out of high school when you were 16 and had to get your GED. To me, you're the person who got her MBA and now teaches at a world class university.
Dear "you look so pretty without your glasses",
Well, you look much better when I'm not wearing them too
Dear 'Friendzoned' people,
Please... Just stop. I've had to explain to seven girls now why I'm not mad that they rejected me. Stop blaming people when they aren't attracted to your ugly face.
Dear roommate,
Please stop using PMS as an excuse for your behavior. Every other woman I know is perfectly capable of being a rational human being regardless of where she is in her hormonal cycle. Besides, what's your excuse for being a dick the rest of the month?