Please stop pretending Edward vs. Jacob is about choosing between two guys. One is a vampire and the other is a werewolf. It's more like necrophilia vs. bestiality.
Sincerely, could she choose neither?
Dear random person who just asked if I was emo,
I wear mostly black and don't talk much...
Sincerely, I'm a ninja.
You go after scissors, I'll cover you.
Dear multiple choice test,
...Why are the first eleven answers B?
Sincerely, FREAKING OUT.
Don't have sex; you will get pregnant, and die.
Sincerely, Coach Carr.
How can you sweat like us when we don't sweat?
Dear Bella Swan,
Depression hurts. Cymbalta can help.
Sincerely, you should be medicated.
Dear Facebook attention suckers,
Please stop making statuses about how ugly you are so other people will try and prove you wrong.
Sincerely, next time, I'm "liking" it.
Please know that that "purse" you just stole was actually a diaper bag.
Sincerely, I hope you enjoy that diaper rash ointment.
Dear Rebecca and Jacob,
You are a disgrace to the name.
Sincerely, Sirius Black.
Please stop with the talking ads that start on their own.
Sincerely, just had a heart attack.
Dear 'when life gives you lemons',
Squeeze them in the wounds of your enemies.
Sincerely, survival of the fittest.
Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel is a train.
Thanks for yelling at me throughout my whole childhood, it makes my former marine corps lacrosse coach look like he was talking to me sweetly.
Sincerely, you would have made a great drill instructor!