Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear alarm clock,
They might be hitting on you but they're sleeping with me.
Dear girls,
I have trekked mile after mile over many moons, crossing mountains and deserts, rafting across two oceans, surviving only on food I could kill with my bare hands and water that I drank as it fell from the sky. Well, actually, I didn't, but it would have been easier than getting out of the friend zone.
Dear family,
Hate to break it to you, but my favorite part about coming home is being able to poop in private.
Dear "I slept like a baby",
Please! I slept like a college kid on vacation!
Dear world,
A couple of planks of wood. Now stop asking me.
Dear tomato,
If you're are classified as a fruit, then is ketchup technically a smoothie?
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Dear boyfriend,
What?
Dear cafeteria food,
I secretly think you're delicous; I'm just trying to fit in.
Dear football players,
You may make the cheerleaders show up but we decide when they dance.
Dear crocodile ,
It's been awhile.
Dear KFC who says they don't serve chicken nuggets because there is no such thing as a nugget on a chicken's body.,
Please explain too me where the 'popcorn' is located on the chicken.
Dear obnoxious guy,
Asking if I stole the thunder and put it in my thighs is not a pick up line.
Dear "Your connection cannot be found",
"Please visit the following website for further assistance".
Dear cocky people,
Please continue to overestimate your own talents and then fail.
THIS IS PAGE 2
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