Dear movie theater janitors sword fighting in the hall with your brooms,
You made my day.
Sincerely, happy customer.
Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
Sincerely, Just saying
Dear blondes that get mad at dumb blonde jokes,
People joke that Latinos steal cars, Australians ride kangaroos, Indians work at 7-11, Muslims are terrorists, Chinese people can't drive, Black people are gangsters, and White guys can't dance. Get over it.
Sincerely, Ginger with no soul
Dear Boys who wish they could understand girls,
So do we.
Yes, this deer could be Bambi's mother, but that cucumber could be Larry.
Sincerely, I'll have venison, thank you very much
Dear boys who ask why girls wear bras if they "have nothing to put in them",,
Please explain why you wear pants then...
Sincerely, uh, yeah I went there...
Oh my god you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I'll have to tell my boyfriend!! Oh wait....
Dear nice old lady trying to set me up with her grand daughter,
Yes, she is pretty. Yes, we are close in age. No, I don't have a girl friend. No, thank you, I am not interested in taking her out tonight.
Sincerely, because I don't think my boyfriend would approve.
Dear "he doesn't even notice me",
Have you tried introducing yourself?
Sincerely, I hear that works wonders
If pizza is a vegetable because it has tomatoes in it, that means vodka is a vegetable too.
Sincerely, person who knows that vodka is made from potatoes.
Dear Male Married Teacher,
When I say that I need to go to the bathroom, that it's an emergency, and I have my pencil-case in my hand, do not tell me to wait 20 minutes until the end of class?
Sincerely, Bet you didn't expect me to say "I'm bleeding and cramping and WILL go to the bathroom now".
Dear Prince Charming,
Why did you kiss Snow White if you thought she was dead?
Sincerely, I'm pretty sure that's necrophilia
Being a single guy who likes musical theater doesn't make me gay.
Sincerely, you strip in front of 20 guys while I'm backstage with 30 girls.
Don't you ever feel like yelling "CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS" when something goes wrong?
Sincerely, it makes the situation 10x better, I assure you