Dear alarm clock,
They might be hitting on you but they're sleeping with me.
I have trekked mile after mile over many moons, crossing mountains and deserts, rafting across two oceans, surviving only on food I could kill with my bare hands and water that I drank as it fell from the sky. Well, actually, I didn't, but it would have been easier than getting out of the friend zone.
Hate to break it to you, but my favorite part about coming home is being able to poop in private.
Sincerely, your loving college daughter.
Dear "I slept like a baby",
Please! I slept like a college kid on vacation!
Sincerely, how about that!
A couple of planks of wood. Now stop asking me.
If you're are classified as a fruit, then is ketchup technically a smoothie?
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Sincerely, you're an idiot.
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear cafeteria food,
I secretly think you're delicous; I'm just trying to fit in.
Sincerely, "they call this food? omg soooooo gross!"
Dear football players,
You may make the cheerleaders show up but we decide when they dance.
Dear crocodile ,
It's been awhile.
Dear KFC who says they don't serve chicken nuggets because there is no such thing as a nugget on a chicken's body.,
Please explain too me where the 'popcorn' is located on the chicken.
Sincerely, confused commercial watcher.
Dear obnoxious guy,
Asking if I stole the thunder and put it in my thighs is not a pick up line.
Sincerely, yes, I just slapped you!
Dear "Your connection cannot be found",
"Please visit the following website for further assistance".