Dear Aloe Vera,
I want you all over my body.
Dear tooth fairy,
My teeth are now $20 a-piece!
Dear boy who keeps asking me out,
My love for you is like the square root of negative one.
Sincerely, it's imaginary.
Dear girls who use the period excuse every gym class,
I think you need to see a doctor if you have your period this much.
Sincerely, even as a male gym teacher, I had to take a few classes about the body.
Dear "Do you have a hall pass?",
I'm 24. Do I really look young enough to be in middle school?
Sincerely, just dropping off my cousin's homework.
Dear overly enthusiastic friend,
Please excuse me for swearing like a truck driver when you slapped me on the back to say hello.
Sincerely, severely sunburned and in pain!
Wanna have a threesome?
Sincerely, the hydrogen twins.
Dear classroom next to mine,
Thanks for clapping when I answered that question.
Sincerely, I feel special.
Dear lazy daughter,
Yes, texting plus facebook does equal textbook. You'll know another kind of facebook when I slap you across the face with an Oxford Dictionary.
Sincerely, no one likes a smart-aleck.
Santa saw your picture.
Sincerely, you're getting clothes for Christmas.
I see dead people.
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Sincerely, it's true...
Dear car in front of me,
I swear I'm not following you.