Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear power outage,
Thank you for ending when I said lumos
Dear Cat,
Please don't hide in the bathtub and jump out at me when I check for serial killers
Dear Mayans,
Thank you for teaching me that if you don't finish something, it really isn't the end of the world
Dear teenage boys discussing how hot I am in french,
Please realize that although I don't look it, I'm fluent in four languages. Bet you were surprised when I answered "Thanks but I have a boyfriend"
Dear boy in my chem class,
Do you have 11 protons?
Dear grandma,
No, Hooters is not an owl-themed restaurant. Yes, I'm quite positive.
Dear guy friends,
Please don't be scared to go to the gay bar with us.
Dear nerds,
Alcohol and Calculus don't mix.
Dear 2 year old ,
Thank you for yelling IM RAINING while you are potty training
Dear Tim Burton,
Why do you always have me killing your wife in movies?
Dear Nutella I just got on my elbow,
Thanks for the help. Turns out all you need is proper motivation.
Dear Tiny sweet baby of mine,
You are, literally, smaller than your daddy's foot, how do you poop so much?
Dear $800 sweater,
Are you made of unicorn hair?
Dear girls,
Quit trying to look like us in photos.... it's embarrassing to our species.
Dear Dora,
Just one question. How do you get that t-shirt over your head?
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