Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear parents who just got home,
Yeah, about that essay, it's not done. But, on the bright side, I taught myself how to play piano...
Dear "Money can't buy happiness",
Money can buy bubble wrap, Disney films and Harry Potter merchandise.
Dear college,
I am a left handed ginger.
Dear quiet customers,
I understand that you might be shy, but I'm trying to hear you over the in-store music, the sound of registers, a baby crying a few aisles away and the cafe next door.
Dear brain,
Please start being able to tell the difference between hungry and bored.
Dear teachers,
My definition of "free dress day" means I can wear my wizard robes.
Dear college,
I really am giving up my first born child to attend you.
Dear little kid at the park,
Please keep thinking I have "metal arms." It's adorable.
Dear extremely overweight women,
Please stop wearing clothes that would only fit if you were 100 pounds lighter.
Dear black kid calling me "vanilla",
Vanilla beans are black...
Dear cocky boyfriend,
Please realize that you are not hurting me because you are "sooo biggg," but more because you are hitting all the wrong spots.
Dear 4 year old who asked to go on a play date with me,
Of course!
Dear Sky Mall magazine,
Wow, this stuff is stupi--OMG it's a Harry Potter wand that doubles as a tv remote!
Dear teachers,
Do you ever make your seating arrangements by sorting your students into houses?
Dear seniors students who ask me how I'm Russian German AND Jewish,
My mom is Russian, my dad is German and Judiasm is a religon.
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