Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear people who tell me not to talk with food in my mouth,
Please don't talk to me while I'm chewing.
Dear guy staring at me with a predatory look in your eye,
I kind of want to write "NO" on a napkin and show it to you from across the room, just to save us both some time and embarrassment.
Dear headache,
I know what your trying to tell me...
Dear Hollywood,
There are tons of books I hate. Make movies about them?
Dear pad and tampon manufacturers,
Let's make it a little more obvious to the rest of the public bathroom that I'm on my period.
Dear people in books,
Why are your lives so much more interesting than mine?
Dear high school girls,
When I see lingerie at Victoria's Secret that looks exactly like your homecoming dress, there's a problem.
Dear movie makers,
You do realize that the reason the book was turned into a movie because people loved the BOOK, right?
Dear Americans awaiting their Hogwarts letters,
Please note that since you live in America, it is much more likely that you would be attending the Salem Witches Institute.
Dear mother in the store locating her lost son by using bird calls,
I'm not sure if I should be impressed or confused.
Dear men,
Please think with the head that has the brain.
Dear Oreo,
What gives you the right to call yourself "milk's favorite cookie?"
Dear Internet,
You do realize making people check a box that says "I am 18 Or Older" doesn't actually make them 18 or older?
Dear Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack,
Thank you for sounding so epic.
Dear "friends",
Are you done being mad at me yet? I did the right thing...
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