Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyAttack of the CuteGrouchy Rabbit
Dear fellow authors,
If you're writing about a place, a hobby, or anything else that you don't know much about, for the love of God do your research!
Dear family,
Yes, I'm asexual. Yes, I have children. No, I've never had sex. No, divine intervention was not necessary.
Dear countries letting Syrian refugees in,
Please, PLEASE find some way to make sure they genuinely need help and aren't just coming to cause trouble. Since refugees arrived in my town, the amount of rapes, thefts, murders and other sorts of crimes has shot up.
Dear "but I've seen you eat!",
You don't see me meticulously planning out every meal. You don't see me throwing up every bit of it when I go the tiniest bit over my limit. You don't see the endless anxiety when I go a single calorie over what I intended. You don't know that the only reason that I'm eating is that I haven't for the past three days.
Dear Mr. Trump,
It is possible to kill two birds with one stone. Please take that mutated beaver pelt off your head and insert it firmly in your mouth.
Dear Autism,
Thank you for filling me with deep, powerful emotions that I cannot convey in a way meaningful to others. The pain is unbearable and crushing, but thankfully no one will ever see it on my blank, robotic face. Thank you for making me appear normal enough that no one would consider that I'm not being arrogant, rude, selfish, or condescending - I actually don't understand your facial expressions and DO have to ask you what you mean by that, and, yes, I actually DID take that literally becuase I take everything literally. When you say cruel things to me out of frustration or anger I instinctively believe them.
Dear best friend,
Please stop talking down to your boyfriend just because you've got your sh*t together more than he does. It's not in a constructive way, it's not nice, and it's driving him away. You have to build someone up if you want them to grow!
Dear crush,
Please take a hint. You're the most amazing girl I know. We were Eric and Ariel for the school musical, the Beast and Belle the next year, and Romeo and Juliet this year. I've known you since we were 5. Words cannot describe you. Can't you see the way I look at you every day? All the other relationships in the world wouldn't compare to ours.
Dear Mom & Dad,
I know I don't say this often but I love you both very much and I appreciate everything you have done for me. I know you guys won't read this letter but I felt like writing it and tell it to someone. I on my way to you and see you in a few hours.
Dear grandparents,
Please understand that we live in the 21st century and that I am not expected to cook for my older brother in my spare time anymore.
Dear Professor who said my editing was "not fitting my intelligence" and "amazingly lazy",
Please remember academic accommodations told you I'm SEVERELY dyslexic and that intelligence and being able to spot when auto-correct chose the wrong homophone are two different things.
Dear Classmate,
If you're going to call a teacher sexist, and then turn around when I try to put in my two cents and say "Are you a guy? No? Then shut up." Then I'm going to say the only sexist person I see is you.
Dear SJW's GSA and LGTB,
I'm trying to be an ally, don't discriminate against me because I'm a white male who happens to be cis and identifies as straight.
Dear Professor,
Please stop treating people with my color skin with disrespectful. Neither I nor the other students who look like me have ever disrespected you, yet you treat us with disdain. We know you're a racist.
Dear world,
What's the difference between transsexual and transgender? One of my friends says there is no difference, but another says there is...