Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Aloe Vera,
I want you all over my body.
Dear tooth fairy,
My teeth are now $20 a-piece!
Dear Pac-Man,
You rang?
Dear boy who keeps asking me out,
My love for you is like the square root of negative one.
Dear girls who use the period excuse every gym class,
I think you need to see a doctor if you have your period this much.
Dear "Do you have a hall pass?",
I'm 24. Do I really look young enough to be in middle school?
Dear overly enthusiastic friend,
Please excuse me for swearing like a truck driver when you slapped me on the back to say hello.
Dear oxygen,
Wanna have a threesome?
Dear classroom next to mine,
Thanks for clapping when I answered that question.
Dear lazy daughter,
Yes, texting plus facebook does equal textbook. You'll know another kind of facebook when I slap you across the face with an Oxford Dictionary.
Dear slut,
Santa saw your picture.
Dear therapist,
I see dead people.
Dear Ariel,
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Dear car in front of me,
I swear I'm not following you.
Dear Santa,
I'll save you some time in making your list. I plan on being very bad this year.
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