Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Voldemort,
Your Horcruxes should have been cats, they have nine lives.
Dear Taylor Swift,
You're songs were so much happier when I couldn't relate to them.
Dear church,
My new robe is supposed to be holy, not holey.
Dear Science Major Roomate,
No, the Nucleus dissolves into Chromosomes during Prophase. I sometimes read your textbook when I get bored.
Dear Lazy people,
Around 23489013765443098 of you didnt even bother to read the entire number.
Mom mom mom mom mama mama mama mama Lois Lois Lois Lois,
Hi
Dear monsters inc.,
mike and sully live together, adopted a human, and came out of the closet
Dear people looking at me weird,
What? you haven't seen a 14 year old girl with a cape and a viking helmet ride freely on a trike before?
Dear Myans,
Same time next year?
Dear Burger King,
You have a daughter. Her name is Wendy.
Dear people who say "I've watched enough episodes of CSI to kill you and get away with it",
And I've watched enough episodes of Law and Order to make sure you don't,
Dear totally perfect guy I only met once,
I have spent hours on facebook typing in every possible spelling of your first, last, and even middle name, found your school on google maps, traced bus routes to that school, and still, nothing. Congratulations, you are totally unstalkable.
Dear PETA,
I agree. Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Dear Jersey Shore,
If I wanted to watch talking carrots I would've watched Veggie Tales.
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