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ALL TIME
Dear spam mail,
I appreciate the consideration, but please stop sending me offers to "enlarge my manhood".
Dear Mom,
Please don't tell me that I am too old to have an imaginary friend. You are almost 50 and you have one too! God is not real...
Dear Creationalists,
Dinosaurs.
Dear Jean Valjean,
Next time you want to escape from Javert I will let you borrow my invisibility cloak.
Dear boy I like,
You must be made of copper & tellurium because you're CuTe.
Dear door-to-door religious converters,
Please realize that you are wasting your time trying to "sell" your religion to those who are well-educated. A better use of your time may be to start studying about science and evolution.
Dear single people of the world,
Please understand that you will not meet the person of your dreams while you are drunk at a bar.
Dear customer at my table,
Yes, I do see you there. But I am currently with another table at the moment. Please stop waving me down. You're not the only one here.
Dear cars stuck in traffic,
I like to movie it, move it! She likes to move it, move it! He likes to move it, move it. You like to MOVE IT!
Dear guys who want to "get to know me" now that I wear makeup and ride a streetbike,
Please turn around and don't stop walking
Dear kids taking a test in a quiet room,
Allow me to play for you the song of my people.
Dear Buffy,
The Cullens live in Forks, Washington. You know what to do.
Dear popular girls,
I would say some day you'll be working for me, but I'm not planning on buying Hooters...
Dear people of the world,
Every year you unknowingly pass the anniversary of your future death.
Dear society,
I used to be in a relationship with a girl who would slap me all the time in public, call me worthless and would spit at me during sex. Every person I asked for help just laughed at me. Thanks for nothing.
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