You send out more mixed signals than Helen Keller directing traffic.
Sincerely, confused girls.
Dear Mr. President,
Roses are red, violets are blue, Osama is dead, can I now bring my shampoo?
Sincerely, I need my hair products when I travel!
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear French teacher,
"It's a video of France in the modern world, France today." Yeah right.
Sincerely, you're holding a VHS tape.
Dear alarm clocks,
We are far more effective than you at getting people out of bed.
Sincerely, full bladders.
Dear person who just cut me off,
Excuse me while I give you the finger and let a few nasty words fly out of my mouth.
Sincerely, I used to be such a lady...
Why did the hipster burn his lip while eating pizza?
Sincerely, he ate it before it was cool.
Dear Draco Malfoy ,
I looked you up on howmanyofme.com and I found that there is one of you in the United States.
Sincerely, I will hunt you down, find you, and marry you.
Dear 10 page paper,
He's just not that into you.
Please go Google what a light is so we can finally see what we're buying!
Sincerely, tired of using the flashlight app on my phone.
Dear people who say "screw you",
Don't you threaten me with a good time!
Sincerely, didn't see that coming did you?
It's not men's fault they look at your boobs. More massive objects bend more light.
Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean this is like The Little Mermaid. There is no talking crab who's going to tell you when it's okay to kiss me.
Sincerely, DO IT ALREADY!
Dear roommate's parents,
Sorry about your daughter's crucifixes and pink unicorns being in such sharp contrast to my phallic Andy Warhol art, foreign vodka advertisements and pictures of Lady Gaga in her underwear.
Sincerely, this is awkward.