Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear people at the table next to mine,
Please only talk about interesting topics.
Dear Americans,
Isn't it amazing what we can do when the PlayStation network is down?
Dear Steve Jobs,
You are the apple of our 'i'.
Dear parents,
"Please" and "thank you" are not the magic words.
Dear girls,
You complain that you can't take your shirt off on a hot day like boys can. But please know that you are more than welcome to.
Dear Facebook,
Congratulations on becoming a verb!
Dear Santa,
Please bring me coal for Christmas.
Dear God,
Please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT let this thing fall down on me.
Dear telemarketers,
Please respond when I answer the phone and say "Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?"
Dear jerk,
I didn't slap you. I gave you a flatbread knuckle sandwich.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Dear Obama,
I'm not sure we can fix it...
Dear liver,
Try your best and make it through these four years.
Dear marshmallow and graham crackers,
Three way?
Dear MC Hammer,
I can touch that...
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