Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear books,
Unlike you, no one reads me, so don't expect to win this poker game.
Dear cast of Jersey Shore,
Just get off TV before you make yourselves look like idiots.
Dear women,
Please stop complaining. I can assure you that our monthly "gift" is far worse.
Dear reader,
Did you know that it's legal for women to be topless in Liverpool, England only if they work at tropical fish stores?
Dear dad,
I found your Batman spikes on the counter... So that's where you go at night!
Dear guy at the club trying to grind on me,
I just farted.
Dear world,
I think we should change the phrase to "bubble wrap is the best medicine."
Dear fat person,
You smoke, too?! You're making it too easy!
Dear cereal,
I'm hotter than you.
Dear vegetarians,
The meat I'm eating could be Bambi's mom, huh?
Dear snuggie,
I look like a total idiot, but dang! You're handy!
Dear vegetarians,
Gee, thanks. Since when am I not an animal?
Dear American kids,
Do you go to McDonald's with Obama?!
Dear one particular friend,
Why is it that you only ever call me at really awkward moments when I've forgotten to turn my phone on silent?
Dear people everywhere,
How would you like it if I turned you on and left?
THIS IS PAGE 4
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