Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear world,
Please excuse me while I momentarily revert to age six.
Dear computer,
Why does it take less than a second for Facebook to load but twenty minutes for my homework assignment to download?
Dear daughter,
You shouldn't be worried about the long, blonde hair you found on your boyfriend's ascot. Remember he has three blonde sisters. Although, you should be worried that your boyfriend owns and wears an ascot.
Dear braces,
Please do not store food in my mouth. It is 98.6 degrees in there and I don't want to be tasting this cucumber while it ferments for the next three hours.
Dear Forks, Washington,
I hear that you have a vampire problem.
Dear aunt wanting to know what I want for my birthday,
No, I do not need cute lacy panties to complete me...
Dear girlfriend,
I understand that you don't want to give our dog that bone because it still has bits of paper on it but i think he'll be fine.
Dear murderer in my shower,
I didn't expect you to groan when I jokingly ninja-kicked the shower curtain.
Dear whoever works with airlines,
Please don't put the fat people who fall asleep the whole flight in the isle seat.
Dear shirtless guy's Facebook profile pic,
We wanna see a 6 pack, not your keg.
Dear bladder,
We need to coordinate our schedules. You cannot keep waking me up in the middle of the night. You know how I hate getting out of bed while it is still dark.
Dear period,
I spent years dreading your arrival, but now I am forever thankful when you show up.
Dear little brother,
You made my day when you saw the model on the underwear package and said, "Well HE must be embarrassed."
Dear guy that just tried to rob my apartment,
I have a 180 pound mastiff, my boyfriend is a professional boxer, and I have been a black belt in Tai Kwon Do since the age of three...
Dear girl wearing a white dress to prom,
I am taking you to prom and not to the alter, right?
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