Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Dentist,
Do YOU brush after EVERY meal?
Dear genius ideas,
Stop coming to me right before I go to sleep.
Dear people who question why girls go to the bathroom together,
Hermione went alone and got attacked by a troll.
Dear "why do you take such long showers?",
The shower is where I reflect on decisions, think of new comebacks, memorize speeches, catch up on English reading, daydream, make wishes, plan ahead, and think.
Dear weight loss ad,
Wow! Not only does your diet plan make people look thinner, but it changes their race and age too!
Dear Netflix,
Thank you for putting Toy Story 3 under "emotional movies."
Dear girls,
Santa saw your Facebook, and this year he's getting you clothes for Christmas.
Dear parents,
If you buy sugar-free hot chocolate mix, please know that I will use massive amounts of marshmallows to make up for it.
Dear Hollywood,
I think Drake and Josh were the only actors who played high schoolers and were the right age to be IN high school.
Dear Americans,
If you move to Africa, would you be called American Africans?
Dear kindergardeners that already hate school,
You have snack time, nap time, and coloring. We have SATs, college applications, and four hours of homework. Shut up.
Dear TV,
I'm sorry that I threw a shoe at you.
Dear nose,
Please tell me the point in you even having hair.
Dear Monsters Inc,
Well this is awkward.
Dear awesome aunt,
Thank you for the "What happens on campus, stays on campus" shirt. Dad laughed, Mom looks vaguely uncomfortable, and my friends think it's hilarious.
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