Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Dora,
Just one question. How do you get that t-shirt over your head?
Dear people who ask me how I get good grades,
My blood type is A positive...
Dear girl who said she could get ten times the number of guys I could,
Well... i have 0
Dear boy who just said to me "are you wearing space pants because your butt is out of this world",
No, I'm wearing softball pants, because my butt is WAY out of your league.
Dear Mc Donald's ,
Thank you for not serving hot dogs, I don't think I could order a super-sized Mc wiener with a straight face.
Dear dad,
Please never refer to my flip flops as "thongs" again.
Dear "I wasn't that drunk!",
Please dude, you walked up to a semi-truck and whispered "I know your secret, Optimus Prime."
Dear parents,
Please stop using the saying "Till the cows come home"
Dear teens,
Don't have sex. You will get chlamydia and die.
Dear Yankee Candle,
Seriously? Candles for men?
Dear maple tree,
I'd tap that.
Dear NASA,
Your mom thought I was big enough.
Dear public school kids,
...and you think your sex ed is awkward
Dear friend whom I don't know very well,
Please forgive me for being awkward around you. You didn't do anything wrong...
Dear people who are wondering,
In Hell, there is spotty WiFi and there is one tab open making noise but your mouse is frozen.
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