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TODAY
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ALL TIME
Dear Apple,
Please make your charging cords longer.
Dear PE coach,
When my sister told you she wanted to be a professional wrestler, thank you for asking for tickets to her first show instead of discouraging her.
Dear people who say Romeo and Juliet was the best love story,
No, Cosmo and Wanda was the best love story.
Dear Monday,
Thanks for having the word "Mon" in you. That is French for "mine". It makes me think of you as "my day" and it's a promising start to the week.
Dear everyone,
Since white people aren't allowed to have opinions regarding POC and men aren't allowed to have opinions regarding women, people who know nothing about guns shouldn't be allowed to have opinions regarding guns. And, like men shouldn't be allowed to pass laws regarding women's issues, people who know nothing about guns shouldn't be allowed to pass laws regarding guns. It's only fair.
Dear people of the world,
Please know that your choices are what define you and nothing more. If I dislike you or think you are a bad person, it is not because of your gender, sexual orientation, religion, ethnicity, socioeconomic background, or anything else. It is because you are causing harm to the world around you. I don't care who you are, as long as you are a kind person, you are my friend.
Dear roommate,
i am so happy you are moving out. now i will never have to worry about you going through my stuff stealing my valuables. you did nothing but lie this whole time, you never payed your rent on time and when you did pay you only paid half. you went through everything in this house that wasn't yours, you eavesdropped on every conversation i had even when i told you it was private. you raised the power bill so high by leaving every light on in the house. i do not feel sorry about you not having a place to go to. you did this on your own, instead of spending all your money on beer you should have been paying your rent. dont beg me for forgiveness, you will not get it.
Dear chivalrous gentlemen,
If you hold the first door for me, can you permit me to hold the second one for you?
Dear people who think I'm rich,
Just because I dye my hair a lot and wear "fashionable" clothing doesn't mean I have money. I dye and cut my own hair and it saves me literally hundreds upon hundreds of dollars. Most of my clothes are at least three years old and I usually shop at thrift stores and/or sew/alter a lot of them. I just want to look good so nobody would ever know.
Dear Ciaran,
We had a good run. Your time in a coma was hard for everyone. When you were pronounced braindead we all cried. but when they realized you were an organ donor they prepped you for a surgery, which ended up saving 6 lives.
Dear people,
It pays off to be a goody-goody.
Dear guys complaining,
Stop whining. You know NOTHING about friendzones.
Dear Boobs,
You might be fun to play with, and good for babies. But when you are start hurting for no reason, I don't like you.
Dear "woman against feminism",
Please don't call yourselves anti-feminist if you vote, drive or have received an education.
Dear people who insist the hobbits could have used the eagles,
Mordor's atmosphere is poisonous until Sauron is vanquished. The eagles only came as a favor, they're not pets. The Nazgul on their fel beasts would have attacked, or the orcs would have shot the eagles and or the hobbits down. The point of the quest was stealth and eagles are anything but.
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