Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.
Dear teens about to do homework,
You should go on Facebook, someone liked your status. Oh, and update your Twitter too, you haven't done that since like yesterday! Don't forget to check your email though. Oh, and your AIM. Did I mention that YouTube has a hilarious new video?
Sincerely, procrastination and the Internet have joined forces.
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Sincerely, creeped out.