Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear men who say that condoms are uncomfortable,
So is childbirth.
Dear Boys,
Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
Dear blondes that get mad at dumb blonde jokes,
People joke that Latinos steal cars, Australians ride kangaroos, Indians work at 7-11, Muslims are terrorists, Chinese people can't drive, Black people are gangsters, and White guys can't dance. Get over it.
Dear boys who ask why girls wear bras if they "have nothing to put in them",,
Please explain why you wear pants then...
Dear world,
Don't you ever feel like yelling "CURSE YOU PERRY THE PLATYPUS" when something goes wrong?
Dear husband,
You're tall. I'm short. I will periodically ask you to grab something from the top shelf.
Dear Mr. Weasely,
The exact function of a rubber duck is a bath time companion or toy.
Dear Dad,
If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home.
Dear winter,
Thank you for making my breath visible.
Dear Football team,
Yes, yes I am blaring the Tangled soudtrack from my car right next to where your practice is taking place. No I will not stop.
Dear people who say "hate is a strong word",,
So would you prefer "I dislike you with the passion of a thousand burning suns"?
Dear Voldemort,
Why aren't you a unicorn?
Dear past self,
Please remember to put toilet paper in the bathroom after you use the last of it.
Dear people who live on the second floor,
I know I'm easy, but that doesn't mean you have to constantly use me.
Dear police,
I'm not drunk,
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