Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Dear people who want a font specifically for sarcastic remarks,
If you need a font to make it sarcastic, clearly you're not very good at it.
Sincerely, you're an idiot.
Dear parents who told me "college is the fountain of knowledge",
Yeah, well, students go there to drink.
Sincerely, just sayin'.
Dear people who think snuggies are stupid,
I was a disbeliever too...
Sincerely, and then I got one.
Please use a different catchphrase.
Sincerely, try "Maybe It's Photoshop!"
Dear older sister,
As you leave for college I have something important to say: Finders Keepers!
Sincerely, rapidly expanding wardrobe.
Dear person trying to push a pull door,
Sincerely, just tried to pull a push door.
Dear teens about to do homework,
You should go on Facebook, someone liked your status. Oh, and update your Twitter too, you haven't done that since like yesterday! Don't forget to check your email though. Oh, and your AIM. Did I mention that YouTube has a hilarious new video?
Sincerely, procrastination and the Internet have joined forces.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Sincerely, creeped out.
Dear people who want flying cars,
That'd be cool, but you could probably only fly them in special areas, and you'd probably need special training, and specific fuel, and they'd probably be super expensive . . .
Sincerely, oh wait, PLANES.
Dear hand sanitizer,
Sincerely, paper-cut on my hand that I forgot about.
Dear student who gets my Chemistry text book next year,
Sincerely, "This book is the property of The Half Blood Prince".