Dear girls on my track team,
Please stop complaining about how small your boobs are.
Sincerely, you have no idea how difficult it is to run with D cups.
Dear World,
They say good men are hard to find.
Sincerely, Waldo.
Dear college scholarships,
Gingers are minorities.
Sincerely, I am eligible, right?
Dear women who like "a man in uniform",
Does my black and white, striped uniform turn you on?
Sincerely, curious and hopeful, prison inmate.
Dear peoplewhotalklikethisallthetime,
Can you not find the spacebar?
Sincerely, it is the biggest button on the keyboard...
Dear bra,
You give me all the support I will ever need.
Sincerely, girls everywhere.
Dear straight men,
Just because I am gay, doesn't mean I am attracted to you. I actually think most of you are quite hideous. Hope my honesty makes you feel better...
Sincerely, a gay man.
Dear boyfriend,
Please realize that you may wear the pants in the relationship, but i control the zipper.
Sincerely, your girlfriend who holds your fate.
Dear apple,
Didn't get far did you?
Sincerely, the tree
Dear relatives,
Please stop telling me, "you're next" at weddings.
Sincerely, or I will start saying the same thing to you while we are at funerals...
Dear parents,
How can I "shoot for the stars" and be "down to earth" at the same time?
Sincerely, confused daughter.
Dear jerks shouting obscenities from their car,
Why yes, I am a homo sapien. Thank you for your keen observation!
Sincerely, you're a homo too!
Dear reader,
I know you went from reading calmly to SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD!
Sincerely, gotcha.
Dear neighbor,
I'm not getting laid right now! You have such a dirty mind...
Sincerely, I am just watching women's tennis on full volume.
Dear Harry,
It's a good thing we're not related, because your name would be Harry Longbottom.
Sincerely, Neville.
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