Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear 11 year old,
Really? Your weekend plans are to get your eyebrows waxed, buy makeup and text your boyfriend?
Dear loud popular people,
It's not that I'm quiet. It's just that you never shut up.
Dear Grandma,
Thank you for saying "Yeah, like YOU'VE never done that" to Mum while she was screaming at me!
Dear boys,
I thought dicks were supposed to be in your pants, not in your personality.
Dear black people who say "it's because I'm black isn't it?",
I'm going to start saying "it's because I'm white isn't it?" and see how annoying and stupid you think it sounds.
Dear fellow middle school students,
Don't stare at me because I've never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss, and I'm still a virgin... We're in middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL.
Dear male teacher,
I like how you saw me reach into my backpack, shuffle around in there for a minute, slip something in my sleeve, raise my hand, and immediately said, "You can go."
Dear youtube song videos with lyrics,
Instant kaoroke night!
Dear nerd in my P.E. class,
Please continue to break stereotypes and beat the jocks at football.
Dear Apple,
Please create an "Add to the Dictionary" feature for my iPod.
Dear impossible physics homework,
I would like to introduce you to one of my favorite inventions... the paper shredder.
Dear brother with low self-esteem,
You can't be ugly; you're related to me!
Dear dark spot in the corner of the wall,
Are you a spider or just a bit of fluff? I'll blow on it and see if you move.
Dear girls,
If your boyfriend wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs... send him to KFC.
Dear little sister,
Did you really ask if I was a "cereal" killer after I stepped on a cheerio.
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