Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear people who tease me for reading for fun,
I was able to slack off and not read the story when it was given to us as assignment yesterday because I read two years ago for fun.
Dear scholarship committee,
No, really, look around. I am a minority.
Dear smokers,
If you blow smoke in my face, don't act surprised if I spray Febreeze in yours...
Dear overly large cricket that caused me to run out of my dorm room screaming,
Thank you!
Dear girl with a broken heart,
I have duct tape...
Dear guy staring at me with a predatory look in your eye,
I kind of want to write "NO" on a napkin and show it to you from across the room, just to save us both some time and embarrassment.
Dear Hollywood,
There are tons of books I hate. Make movies about them?
Dear high school girls,
When I see lingerie at Victoria's Secret that looks exactly like your homecoming dress, there's a problem.
Dear spider on the bathroom wall,
Is this awkward for you? ...because it's awkward for me.
Dear obnoxious French teacher,
Putting the clock in the back of the room just means your students will have severe neck pains.
Dear cellphones,
Thanks for ruining the fun of pushing people into pools.
Dear bed,
I really can't stay.
Dear "Money can't buy happiness",
Maybe not, but I'd rather cry in my Ferrari.
Dear Calculus,
If I can't have an imaginary friend, you can't have imaginary numbers.
Dear Hollywood,
So you're re-releasing Star Wars, The Titanic, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Monsters inc., AND Finding Nemo?
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