Dear Americans,
It's freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.
Sincerely, have a nice CHRISTMAS break!
Dear teenager who asked for a lollipop at the bank today,
Don't ever grow up.
Sincerely, you made my day.
Dear boys,
Act like the the guy you would want your daughter to be with.
Sincerely, problem solved.
Dear boys who whistle at girls,
What? Do you think we're going to sprint over to you, lick your face and let you pet us?
Sincerely, we're not dogs...
Dear parents,
When I ask for money for Christmas presents, I didn't mean gift certificates...
Sincerely, I can't pay rent with Target and Starbucks gift cards.
Dear teachers,
Why didn't I pee during lunch? Because that's when I was drinking... It doesn't go through me as fast it goes through you...
Sincerely, annoyed students.
Dear unicorns,
Is this how it felt when you realized you were becoming a dying breed?
Sincerely, virgins.
Dear kids I babysit,
No, we are coloring and listening to Disney songs. We can play video games later.
Sincerely, childhood has changed...
Dear Disney,
Best decision you ever made.
Sincerely, Lion King in 3D.
Dear "the early bird gets the worm",
But the early worm gets eaten...
Sincerely, sleeping in.
Dear package,
Please have bubble wrap... Please have bubble wrap...
Sincerely, YES!
Dear football jocks,
You wear tights too...
Sincerely, the guy you beat up for being a dancer.
Dear people who say "guns kill people...",
Okay, then pens misspell words and spoons made America fat.
Sincerely, people kill people.
Dear guy who almost hit Bella with his car,
I've been on your team all along.
Sincerely, maybe next time.
Dear guys who went streaking during our homecoming game,
Best. Halftime. Show. EVER!
Sincerely, keep running!