Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear boyfriend,
Don't get me wrong, I love it when you send me sweet texts... its jst less rmntic wen u spl lik this.
Dear elbow,
Well, I just dislocated my shoulder... but I finally licked you!
Dear Asians,
Please don't get offended when we can't tell whether you're Chinese or Japanese.
Dear pizza chef,
Thanks for singing ''I throw my pizza in the air sometimes, sayin AAAYOO, it's not DiGiorno!'' while making my pizza.
Dear girl looking at her reflection in the passing windows,
You look beautiful.
Dear Phone Companies,
First one with a water proof phone wins!
Dear 8-year-olds sitting on the bench playing video games,
Seriously? You are at the park.
Dear girls everywhere,
Marilyn Monroe was not size zero.
Dear people who say they're screwed because of their drunk facebook pictures,
You know you can take those off, right?
Dear Playtex Sport tampons,
Yeah... just because I put in a "sport" tampon doesn't mean I'll have a burst of confidence through my uterus that makes me want to want do yoga and go surfing.
Dear negative pregnancy test,
You are the best thing I have ever peed on!
Dear school,
Thanks for having free wifi.
Dear person at my door,
Usually if I don't answer after 15 minutes, I most likely won't answer after 30 minutes.
Dear phone,
I thought when I put you on "silent" mode, it meant that you would be silent.
Dear people who have never been kissed,
Don't be sad you've never been kissed. Be glad you didn't waste it on the wrong person.
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