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Dear Americans,
It's freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.
Dear teenager who asked for a lollipop at the bank today,
Don't ever grow up.
Dear boys,
Act like the the guy you would want your daughter to be with.
Dear boys who whistle at girls,
What? Do you think we're going to sprint over to you, lick your face and let you pet us?
Dear parents,
When I ask for money for Christmas presents, I didn't mean gift certificates...
Dear teachers,
Why didn't I pee during lunch? Because that's when I was drinking... It doesn't go through me as fast it goes through you...
Dear unicorns,
Is this how it felt when you realized you were becoming a dying breed?
Dear kids I babysit,
No, we are coloring and listening to Disney songs. We can play video games later.
Dear Disney,
Best decision you ever made.
Dear "the early bird gets the worm",
But the early worm gets eaten...
Dear package,
Please have bubble wrap... Please have bubble wrap...
Dear football jocks,
You wear tights too...
Dear people who say "guns kill people...",
Okay, then pens misspell words and spoons made America fat.
Dear guy who almost hit Bella with his car,
I've been on your team all along.
Dear guys who went streaking during our homecoming game,
Best. Halftime. Show. EVER!
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