Dear twilight fans,
I saw a man with a shirt that said, "team: guy who almost nailed bella with a car."
Sincerely, he is my new best friend.
It's been shown that when most women kill, they do it with poison.
Sincerely, you still want that sandwich?
Alright, so my iron levels are too high so I need to eat less red meat, and my vitamin B12 levels are too low so I need to eat more red meat.
Sincerely, wait, what?
Of course you can have my blessing for marrying Ginny, on one condition. First, you MUST tell me what the function of a rubber duck is. I've been dying to find out.
Dear random 6th grader in the hall,
Thank you for yelling I FOUND YOU!!! When I was wearing a red and white striped shirt, jeans, and glasses
Sincerely, you made my day
Dear girls who think it's cool to take pictures in their bathroom,
Seeing your toilet is not attractive.
Sincerely, you forgot to flush.
Dear teenage girl,
You like Disney movies? And Harry Potter? AND you're a virgin? What a special and unique snowflake you are!
Please come and pick Peach up. She is way too high maintenance.
Dear U by Kotex,
You're right. Now that all my pads and tampons come in highlighter colors I'm so excited to get my period!!!!
Sincerely, nope. still sucks.
Dear children of the next generation,
Please accept this early apology for all of your names
Sincerely, yes I'm talking to you, Albus, Severus, Prim, Katniss, Cato, Rue, Sherlock, Rory, Merlin, Morgana, C
I now fully understand your pain.
Sincerely, jogger that just got chased down the road by a crazy dog.
Dear Harry Potter,
We have a colorless, odorless liquid that makes people tell the truth too. Except we don't call it Veritaserum, we call it Vodka.
Sincerely, people of the Muggle world
Dear 'it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eyeball',
Then it's a new game, 'FIND THE EYEBALL!'
Sincerely, Did you not see that one coming?
We like you for your brains. Not your bodies.