Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear twilight fans,
I saw a man with a shirt that said, "team: guy who almost nailed bella with a car."
Dear men,
It's been shown that when most women kill, they do it with poison.
Dear Doctor,
Alright, so my iron levels are too high so I need to eat less red meat, and my vitamin B12 levels are too low so I need to eat more red meat.
Dear Harry,
Of course you can have my blessing for marrying Ginny, on one condition. First, you MUST tell me what the function of a rubber duck is. I've been dying to find out.
Dear random 6th grader in the hall,
Thank you for yelling I FOUND YOU!!! When I was wearing a red and white striped shirt, jeans, and glasses
Dear girls who think it's cool to take pictures in their bathroom,
Seeing your toilet is not attractive.
Dear teenage girl,
You like Disney movies? And Harry Potter? AND you're a virgin? What a special and unique snowflake you are!
Dear Mario,
Please come and pick Peach up. She is way too high maintenance.
Dear U by Kotex,
You're right. Now that all my pads and tampons come in highlighter colors I'm so excited to get my period!!!!
Dear children of the next generation,
Please accept this early apology for all of your names
Dear mailmen,
I now fully understand your pain.
Dear Harry Potter,
We have a colorless, odorless liquid that makes people tell the truth too. Except we don't call it Veritaserum, we call it Vodka.
Dear 'it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eyeball',
Then it's a new game, 'FIND THE EYEBALL!'
Dear Girls,
We like you for your brains. Not your bodies.
Dear teacher who just told the bully in the class I might be her boss someday,
Not likely, I don't plan on being a pimp when i grow up.
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