Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear girls on my track team,
Please stop complaining about how small your boobs are.
Dear World,
They say good men are hard to find.
Dear college scholarships,
Gingers are minorities.
Dear women who like "a man in uniform",
Does my black and white, striped uniform turn you on?
Dear peoplewhotalklikethisallthetime,
Can you not find the spacebar?
Dear bra,
You give me all the support I will ever need.
Dear straight men,
Just because I am gay, doesn't mean I am attracted to you. I actually think most of you are quite hideous. Hope my honesty makes you feel better...
Dear boyfriend,
Please realize that you may wear the pants in the relationship, but i control the zipper.
Dear apple,
Didn't get far did you?
Dear relatives,
Please stop telling me, "you're next" at weddings.
Dear parents,
How can I "shoot for the stars" and be "down to earth" at the same time?
Dear jerks shouting obscenities from their car,
Why yes, I am a homo sapien. Thank you for your keen observation!
Dear reader,
I know you went from reading calmly to SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD!
Dear neighbor,
I'm not getting laid right now! You have such a dirty mind...
Dear Harry,
It's a good thing we're not related, because your name would be Harry Longbottom.
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