Dear "wearing a padded bra is false advertisement",
Contrary to popular belief, i am not actually for sale.
Sincerely, late developer.
Dear people who jokingly say they have Tourette's when they do something random,
I may randomly punch you.
Sincerely, guy who actually has Tourette's.
Dear world,
Please understand we don't all look like we came out of a Doritos bag.
Sincerely, a normal New Jersey citizen.
Dear girlfriend who just freaked out at me for hanging out with another girl,
Meet my sister.
Sincerely, this just got awkward.
Dear P.E. Teacher,
Please bring back the giant parachute.
Sincerely, that beats ultimate frisbee any day.
Dear people who complained about the white Coke cans looking too much like Diet Coke cans,
Please accept our sincerest apologies. Its so much more important that Coca-Cola should cater to your needs instead of donating millions of dollars to help save the polar bears. You're right.
Sincerely, read your dang cans.
Dear tooth fairy ,
I know I'm a little old, but if I pulled out my tooth and put it under my pillow, would you please come? I really need the money...
Sincerely, broke college student.
Dear girls,
I don't want in your pants... I have my own.
Sincerely, the nice guy.
Dear 6'2" boyfriend,
You realize I can hear your heartbeat when we hug, right? That means I can hear how fast its beating after we kiss, too.
Sincerely, 5'4" girlfriend.
Dear Marching Band,
We, the percussion section, are the only section that doesn't blow...
Sincerely, ...we bang!
Dear dreams,
Stop ending right when I get to the good part!
Sincerely, ...I was riding a stegosaurus.
Dear cookie dough,
How come you're always better than the actual cookie?
Sincerely, full.
Dear person who just tweeted "if u cud recomend a book 4 me wat wud it b?",
It would be a dictionary.
Sincerely, try again?
Dear pants making companies,
Please stop making fake pockets.
Sincerely, just dropped my phone on the floor for the fiftieth time.
Dear Halloween stores,
No, not all teenage girls would like to dress as sluts this year.
Sincerely, I'm going as a washing machine.
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