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Dear World,
We need some good news! I just got engaged!
Dear people who use the "free speech" defence,
Free speech allows you to escape punishment for criticising the government. It does not give you free reign to say whatever you like. While you can say whatever you like, you will receive consequences. Try telling your boss to "go fuck himself" and watch as you get fired. Go threaten to kill a police officer and watch as you get arrested. Go spread bigotry and watch as everybody mocks you.
Dear world,
Bacon isn't actually as good as you make it out to be.
Dear Anatasia Steele from Fifty Shades of Grey,
It is not BDSM. It is abuse. Run.
Dear Fellow Females,
How the heck do I go about learning how to dress properly? I go into a store and get overwhelmed by too many choices.Why don't women have an easy standard for nice clothes like men do?
Dear coworker,
You know what the best way to pass a drug test is? Don't do drugs.
Dear People who only preach about "equality" for a certain group,
If the LGBT community can have Gay,Lesbian,Bi, or Trans parades, then I want to be able to have a Straight parade or no sexual orientation gets to have one. If the Black community gets a whole month dedicated to their history then there should also be a White, Hispanic, and also Asian History Months or no race gets one. If women want to be treated as equals to men then they also need to take on the responsibilities and consequences it comes with and not get favored in places like courts.
Dear Ariel,
Why didn't you just write out a message to Eric?
Dear parents against vaccines,
Homeschool your kids if you don't want them catching a cold from us. I also don't want the flu from them since they didn't get a vaccine.
Dear slow walkers in the hall,
Natural selection, natural selection...
Dear Professors,
Please be generous.
Dear guys on tinder,
Pics of you with your arm around a girl does not exactly help your chances.
Dear Algebra,
Function you. I want you X'd out of my life 4 good. Y? Because you have foiled my overall GPA. I want you factored out of my classes and distributed into a science class. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go eat some pi.
Dear school staff,
MY SON IS ALLERGIC TO WHEAT! I don't care about your damn healthy eating program, if you try to feed him wheat, he could have a major reaction.
Dear Meghan Trainor,
I have a list of demands too. Allow me to deliver them in song form.
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