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Dear musicians,
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Dear Bruno Mars,
Wouldn't YOUR eyes have to be open to know that hers were?
Dear couple making out in front of my locker,
WHOA, THERE! Um, yeah... You need to go find somewhere else to do that...
Dear " spiders are scared of you",
If they ARE scared of me, then why did the GIANT one near the garage door sit and stare into my soul?!
Dear "Your connection cannot be found",
"Please visit the following website for further assistance".
Dear people at the table next to mine,
Please only talk about interesting topics.
Dear jerk,
I didn't slap you. I gave you a flatbread knuckle sandwich.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Dear cocky people,
Please continue to overestimate your own talents and then fail.
Dear women,
Don't worry about magazines telling you you're fat; porn sites tell us we need penis enlargements all the time.
Dear car in front of me,
I swear I'm not following you.
Dear guy who just robbed me and jumped in his car to get away,
Sucks for you. I got your tag number memorized.
Dear teacher who says "don't get arrested" every Friday when the bell rings,
Oops...
Dear teenagers,
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.
Dear Pac-Man,
You rang?
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