Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear male teacher,
I like how you saw me reach into my backpack, shuffle around in there for a minute, slip something in my sleeve, raise my hand, and immediately said, "You can go."
Dear fellow middle school students,
Don't stare at me because I've never had a boyfriend, or a first kiss, and I'm still a virgin... We're in middle school. MIDDLE SCHOOL.
Dear black people who say "it's because I'm black isn't it?",
I'm going to start saying "it's because I'm white isn't it?" and see how annoying and stupid you think it sounds.
Dear boys,
I thought dicks were supposed to be in your pants, not in your personality.
Dear nerd in my P.E. class,
Please continue to break stereotypes and beat the jocks at football.
Dear Apple,
Please create an "Add to the Dictionary" feature for my iPod.
Dear World,
If twin females marry twin males and each couple has a baby, will the babies look alike?
Dear girls,
If your boyfriend wants you for your breasts, legs, and thighs... send him to KFC.
Dear parents,
What'd I do all day while I was sick? Oh, nothing much. Just drove around in a convertible, went to a musem, ate in a fancy restraunt, climbed to the top of the Sears tower, and sang in a parade, all while avoiding the school principal!
Dear "Gangstas" at Disneyland,
Please stop acting like you're too cool for Disney. We all know you paid like $100 to get in so clearly you want to be here.
Dear friend,
You just went up a few levels when I asked you for a dictionary and you threw one at me screaming "WORDS HURT!" in front of the entire class.
Dear baking soda,
You whiten my teeth, remove stains from my clothes and bake in my cookies.
Dear ER doctor,
When you ask me if there is any chance that I'm pregnant, and I say no, there's no need to make me pee in a cup to make sure.
Dear good looking marine who just hit on me at the gym,
So your saying that if I don't go out to dinner with you, you won't be able to focus on active duty and therefore might die.
Dear little kid texting,
I used to text in class when I was in second grade too!
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