For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Sincerely, just slammed on my brakes looking for the cop.
Dear Bruno Mars,
Wouldn't YOUR eyes have to be open to know that hers were?
Dear couple making out in front of my locker,
WHOA, THERE! Um, yeah... You need to go find somewhere else to do that...
Sincerely, freshman who needs to bleach her eyes now.
Dear " spiders are scared of you",
If they ARE scared of me, then why did the GIANT one near the garage door sit and stare into my soul?!
Sincerely, I think they'll take over the world.
Dear "Your connection cannot be found",
"Please visit the following website for further assistance".
Dear people at the table next to mine,
Please only talk about interesting topics.
Sincerely, bored eavesdropper.
I didn't slap you. I gave you a flatbread knuckle sandwich.
Sincerely, shut up.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Sincerely, some things should be taken literally.
Dear cocky people,
Please continue to overestimate your own talents and then fail.
Sincerely, it makes my day everytime.
Don't worry about magazines telling you you're fat; porn sites tell us we need penis enlargements all the time.
Dear car in front of me,
I swear I'm not following you.
Dear guy who just robbed me and jumped in his car to get away,
Sucks for you. I got your tag number memorized.
Sincerely, photographic memory.
Dear teacher who says "don't get arrested" every Friday when the bell rings,
Sincerely, my bad.
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.