Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear people in their cars that honk.0034 seconds after the light turns green,
I swear to God, if you do it again, I will turn off my car, sit on the hood, and feed birds for an hour.
Dear fellow schoolmates,
I was so proud when all four hundred of us left the gym when the DJ played a Justin Beiber song.
Dear roommate who left for a week to Iowa,
Thank you for leaving me completely unsupervised and in ownership of a big screen TV, surround sound speakers, and all eight Harry Potter movies.
Dear Head and Shoulders Shampoo,
Please make a soap called knees and toes.
Dear English teacher,
Thanks for noting how much time I put into this essay, and thanks for the A.
Dear chemistry teacher,
Whats Ba+Na2 synthesize into?
Dear alphabet,
I liked you better in my soup.
Dear Cheating Ex- Boyfriend,
You are the reason that I bought a female dog named Karma.
Dear sister,
I'm not mad that you didn't get me a present; I'm just kinda disappointed that you forgot about my birthday...
Dear daughter's prom date,
Come on in, son! Would you like to see my gun and knife collection?
Dear hipsters,
Please refrain from using the phrase 'booyah'. There is only one person that can pull that off.
Dear I love you like Snape loves Lily,
I love you like Lily loves Snape.
Dear thirsty person trying to get the last bit of water at the bottom of the cup,,
Hold brothers. Hold. Charge!!
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Huh?
Dear Kim Kardashian,
Please realize that my career on Dancing With the Stars lasted longer then your marriage.
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