Dear "Best friend",
I told you about my depression, but you constntly talk about how people like Robin Williams had "nothing to be sad about." So I never brought it up again. Yet any time we talk about what we're having for lunch you never fail to remind me you are gluten-free and expect me to feel sorry for you and APOLOGIZE for the fact I can eat an oreo cookie. I don't want sympathy, I want you to stop trying to make me feel like your problem is worse than mine even though the two can't be compared.
Sincerely, I tried cutting for the first time because of you.
Please take responsibility for my things being misplaced. You were the only one around when they went missing, and you admitted to cleaning, which equates to moving shit around. It's not cute to play the victim.
Sincerely, it's common sense
Please understand the difference between an item that is dishwasher-safe and an item that will actually come CLEAN in the dishwasher. I spend wayyy too much time scrubbing at baked-on crud that has been further cemented by the hot dry cycle. I know you think you're helping, but just let me wash it properly the first time please.
Sincerely, The One Who Does The Dishes
Dear Justin Bieber,
Sincerely, Sick of you
Please give us back Tupac and we'll give you Justin Bieber
Dear optimist pessimist and realist,
While you guys were arguing about the piece of cake, I ate it.
Dear poster who made the "Dear Psychology majors" comment,
Psychology focuses on the MIND while neuroscience focuses on the BRAIN. The brain and the mind are different. The mind gives soul to the brain. Without the mind the brain would just be a biologically functioning organ.
Sincerely, get educated
Dear Person Who Stole the Contents of My Wallet,
You took everything except my Starbucks card. I can't identify myself anywhere, buy groceries, get myself home, or use any of the gift cards given to me for my birthday, but I can buy a 4 dollar latte. Thanks a lot bitch.
Sincerely, Had to beg for bus fare
Dear movies/TV shows with truth serum,
You do realise that the serum only prevents you from telling lies right? I don't recall anywhere in the description that makes the user blurt out things they would never say to anybody, no matter how truthful, against their will.
Sincerely, truth doesn't mean saying everything you'd like to say
You know why there are no more "nice guys"? Because when we were nice to you, you treated us like shit and went after the asshole. So guess what, we became assholes so that you would pay attention to us.
Sincerely, Formerly nice guy now ostracized because he no longer cares what you think.
Dear Victoria's Secret,
"Canadian residents must correctly answer a mathematical skill-testing question to redeem prize," is a part of your contest rules.
Sincerely, Is that for real?
Dear Alveda King,
Your uncle must be rolling in his grave. Your position directly contradicts the principles of equality he stood for.
Sincerely, good job.
Dear Harper Lee,
Oh, you wrote TWO books now? Call me when you've written over 50.
Sincerely, Stephen King
Dear Dreamy Courtesy Clerk,
Please ask me on a date, I think you have the most amazing smile and you make coming to work worth wile. I would quit without you.
Sincerely, Smitten Cashier