Dear food that's bad for you,
Please stop tasting so good
Sincerely, the junk food junky
Dear "the early bird gets the worm",
Well the worm got up and died.
Sincerely, it's not a risk i'm willing to take
Dear people who complain about being in the friendzone,
Please understand that she may not be the girl for you. I acted on my affections for a girl and all it got me was a "friend" who abused me because she knew I was so deeply in love with her that I wouldn't care.
Sincerely, they may not be worth your time
Dear Cinnamon Toast Crunch,
Your commercials make me want to buy your cereal less.
Sincerely, I don't want cannibalistic cereal
Dear girl who is now glaring at me.,
I just pointed out that you needed to fix your skirt because it was tucked into your leggings. I didn't say it loudly, and nobody else was around. I seriously don't get why you're mad.
Sincerely, just trying to make sure you don't embarrass yourself when you do your oral report
Please keep me awake while I do my homework
Sincerely, an overworked student
Dear air fresheners,
Have you ever actually smelled a real ocean breeze?
Sincerely, still gagging and choking
Dear couple sitting next to me on the plane,
Thanks for the pamphlet on accepting Jesus. I'm Jewish.
Sincerely, well this is awkward...
Dear Racist parents,
I am sorry, but I really do like everyone no matter what colour they are.
Sincerely, Girl who can only date white guys.
Dear girl who asked if I was dropped as a baby,
Yes, yes I was. Into a pool of sexy!
Sincerely, ...and out of a shopping cart
Dear murderer behind the shower curtain,
Still winning that hide n' seek game? Me too!!!
Sincerely, monster under the bed.
Dear tv remote,
Can we please play a new game, hide and seek is getting old
Sincerely, I just found you...
Dear Maple Tree,
I'll tap that.
Dear girls who say the best guys are always gay,
Why do I always go for the straight guys then.
Sincerely, one of the gays.