"If you don't have an iphone, you don't have an iphone".
Sincerely, oh really now?
Dear leg hair,
Please be aware that you will now achieve a length you have not reached since I first started shaving.
Sincerely, college finals season.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Sincerely, well, I'll be taking those back now...
I found the $100 without needing to clean. I think you need to find a better hiding place that isn't under my pillow.
Sincerely, son who is now $100 richer.
Just think, ten years ago, we didn't even know each other. Bless this generation for bringing us together!
Dear Taylor Swift,
Is "back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine" code for "I really liked him, but then I became too famous for him?
Sincerely, seeing through your lyrics.
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear people trying to make a point,
Sincerely, I just made three. What now?
No, I don't speak Canadian.
Sincerely, do you speak American?
Please clear your internet history...
Sincerely, mentally scarred teenage daughter.
Just because I eat my burritos sideways doesn't mean you have to stare at me like I have two heads.
Sincerely, it's fun to pretend to be a zombie.
You only had one life left? Oh, my bad...
Watch out for that tree!
Sincerely, George of the Jungle.
Can you please be as easy as half the girls in my class?
Sincerely, failing student.