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Dear Pinocchio,
So all I have to do is lie?
Dear "Wanna come bungy jumping?",
Dude, I came into this world because of broken rubber I'm not going out that way too.
Dear rectangle,
Remember that night in Vegas 9 months ago? You have a son. His name is square. He has your angles.
Dear Airport Security,
How is this gonna work??
Dear apologetic people,
Usually "my bad" and "I'm sorry" mean the same thing... Except at funerals.
Dear racists,
Don't be racist. Hate everyone.
Dear Readers,
Don't tell anyone, but I'm going to go down on you. And you're gonna love it. But it's only going to be long enough for you to start enjoying it, then I'm going to come back up and screw you, big time.
Dear Google,
I Binged your girlfriend.
Dear world,
Please stop finding me! It's called witness protection and I'm SICK of moving!
Dear Facebook,
Oh, it's my sister's birthday today? I had no idea!
Dear Last Names,
If you were given to people based on what their jobs were, then where did I come from?
Dear pinkie toe,
I am going to bang you so hard tonight.
Dear teenagers,
Romeo and Juliet had sex, and then they DIED.
Dear teacher buying condoms,
Well this is awkward...
Dear Captcha,
I see how you work now. With images impossible for humans to read, there is no way a robot would be able to read it either. But I want to use this webpage!
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