Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear teenagers,
We wore our pants like that first!
Dear guy in the car next to me,
Thanks for blowing me a kiss even though it was a little creepy.
Dear students,
If it wasn't already obvious, we seat you next to the person you'd look best with.
Dear jerk,
I didn't slap you. I gave you a flatbread knuckle sandwich.
Dear girls,
The silent treatment isn't really a punishment.
Dear jerk who prank called me at 2am,
I hope you don't mind that I put your number all over the internet.
Dear world,
Want to hear a joke about a vegetable?
Dear world,
You don't have to worry about the world ending in 2012. Phil of the Future came back from 2121.
Dear room-mate watching Japanese anime,
Please explain why the characters' words don't match the movements of their mouths, and why there are abnormally shaped, floating, talking animals everywhere.
Dear drinker,
I know you want me. You want to suck me, and blow me, and feel my delicious liquid go into your mouth. I'm ready.
Dear Canada,
How come you're always on top?
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Dear teenagers,
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.
Dear Mulan,
If I watch the movie backwards, it tells the story of a decorated war hero who goes back home to get a sex change.
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