Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Microsoft Word,
If there was only one spelling suggestion, why didn't you just change it for me?
Dear handicapped drivers,
You get choice in parking spaces, not the side of the road you wish to drive on.
Dear hipsters and emos,
I was a tortured poet before it was cool.
Dear judgmental people,
Why yes, I did just leave the high school parking lot blaring the Pokemon theme song out of my car.
Dear Prince Charming,
What were you gonna do if i didnt wake up?
Dear USB port,
This is awkward...
Dear little brother who opens my mail,
Jokes on you! It's tampon samples!
Dear three impossibilities of the world,
Can't count your hair, can't wash your eyes with soap, and can't stick out your tongue and breathe out of your mouth...
Dear teacher,
Please understand that I don't call you "Professor" to show respect. I do it because it makes me feel like Harry Potter.
Dear education,
Why am I getting an A+ in Spanish and a D in English?
Dear Powell Middle School,
So do your cheerleaders cheer for PMS?
Dear McDonalds,
Are you seriously asking if I have any job experience?
Dear guys at the beach,
Just because you're wearing shiny sunglasses doesn't mean I can't tell where your face is pointed.
Dear crush,
No, I'm not Facebook stalking you. I'm doing character research in case I get to make a movie of my life and you're are in it.
Dear Twihards,
Yes, my name is Rosalie. No, my parents did not name me after the character. Stop asking.
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