Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Prince Charming,
Why did you kiss Snow White if you thought she was dead?
Dear people who freak out about looks,
We all know it's whats on the inside that counts.
Dear mom who just texted me GTTSBBSDITF,
Who in their right mind could ever figure out that it means "Gone To The Store, Be Back Soon. Dinner's In The Fridge?!"
Dear elderly couple in the car,
You didn't have to panic and quickly drive off when I knocked on your window. Your tire was flat.
Dear Mom,
If my friends jumped off a bridge it would be because I jumped first.
Dear Lady Gaga,
I lost a lot of respect for you when you called Adele fat. I thought you were anti-bullying?
Dear red velvet cup-cake,
Kiss me, k-k-kiss me. Infect me with your loving, fill me with your poison.
Dear vegetarians,
My food craps on your food.
Dear dad that started cooking bacon while I'm still in bed at 10:00 on Saturday morning,
Well played...
Dear strobe lights,
Thank you for making any dance look awesome.
Dear Ronald McDonald,
It's really sad that kids recognize you more easily than our president, or even a picture of Jesus.
Dear Movie theaters,
The day you start checking purses for food is the day I stop going to the movies.
Dear Dad,
Does this mean I can start going out with men four times my age?
Dear husband,
Maybe the reason I'm not making you any sandwiches is because you're not bringing home any bread.
Dear teacher,
Putting the dumb kids in a group with a smart kid doesn't do any good.
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