SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear children's book illustrators,
Where does it say I'm an egg?
Dear neighbor,
Please , feel free to call the police to report me "attacking" your dog. I have a picture, on my phone, of your mutt biting my ankle and of the bite marks that got through my pants. I'd love to see that little rat get put down.
Dear girls everywhere,
I've scheduled the times I will visit. Most of these times are dates, dances, vacations, presentations, and, most importantly, those days when you decide to wear white pants.
Dear popular girl,
Please accept my apology for never appreciating you before.
Dear customer,
So you called in, over the phone, because you want to disuss issues with your account, but you don't want to talk about your account over the phone because it might not be secure?
Dear fellow girls,
If you don't want periods to ruin your white pants, don't wear white pants around that time.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Even Dora's parents let her explore the world with talking animals and a singing backpack, and I can't hang out with my friends after 12?
Dear Mum,
Please stop having a go about the state of my bedroom. Your office is a mess of paper. The chair in your room is covered in your clothes. If you shoved the two rooms together they'd look like mine.
Dear family,
Please stop asking me what I want to go into and give me a disgusted look when I tell you I have no idea
Dear amazing boyfriend,
Thank you for bringing me a chocolate frog. It means so much to me but I can't decide if I want to eat it or save it to hopefully show our kids some day
Dear friends,
Please stop joking about my boyfriend's and my sex life it's funny for 5 seconds but that's it.
Dear people asking about my track event,
"Oh, so you jump over hurdles?"
Dear roommate,
Who the hell stays up till 2 am studying math on a Friday night then wakes up at 7 am on a Saturday?
Dear fork,
That wasn't very knife
Dear boys,
Please come to my yard even though I can not make milk shakes
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