Dear Kim Kardashian,
Please realize that my career on Dancing With the Stars lasted longer then your marriage.
Sincerely, Rob Kardashian
Dear thirsty person trying to get the last bit of water at the bottom of the cup,,
Hold brothers. Hold. Charge!!
Sincerely, ice currently attacking your face.
Yes, the mailman has come to kill us all. Thanks for the warning.
Sincerely, your owner who nearly had a heart attack.
Your Mom thought I was big enough.
Cross walk buttons don't work. They're there so you have something to do.
Dear Edward and Jacob,
I have to tell you two setting important... I recently found this out... I'm... A lesbian
It's illegal for a man to kiss his wife while she's sleeping?
Sincerely, hope that's not where Sleeping Beauty took place...
Dear two-ply toilet paper,
I guess it's true. You don't really know what you have until it's gone.
Sincerely, college kid with a chaffed butt.
Dear girls in the dressing room getting dressed for our Musical screaming "I can't get the dress over my boobs,
You do realize that we can hear you outside of this door.
Sincerely, the male members of the cast
Dear identical twin ,
You should have seen your face...
Sincerely, oh wait. I can show you.
Dear Manufacturers of the Straw,
Please make your straws longer than the bottles
Sincerely, reaching for it with my tongue like a retarded chicken
Dear writers of The Lion King,
About that "Cats always land on their feet" thing...
Yes, I see you checking yourself out in the shop windows.
Sincerely, amused driver.
Dear Carrie Underwood,
We give you props, but next time maybe you shouldn't carve your name in the seats. It's a dead giveaway.
Sincerely, the police department