We wore our pants like that first!
Sincerely, a very angry plumber.
Dear guy in the car next to me,
Thanks for blowing me a kiss even though it was a little creepy.
Sincerely, made my day anyway.
If it wasn't already obvious, we seat you next to the person you'd look best with.
Sincerely, yeah, I'm dating my lab partner, that's what we want to hear.
I didn't slap you. I gave you a flatbread knuckle sandwich.
Sincerely, shut up.
The silent treatment isn't really a punishment.
Dear jerk who prank called me at 2am,
I hope you don't mind that I put your number all over the internet.
Sincerely, doesn't do "forgiveness" well.
Want to hear a joke about a vegetable?
Sincerely, it's pretty corny!
You don't have to worry about the world ending in 2012. Phil of the Future came back from 2121.
Sincerely, all under control.
Dear room-mate watching Japanese anime,
Please explain why the characters' words don't match the movements of their mouths, and why there are abnormally shaped, floating, talking animals everywhere.
Sincerely, confused and slightly concerned.
I know you want me. You want to suck me, and blow me, and feel my delicious liquid go into your mouth. I'm ready.
Sincerely, a straw.
How come you're always on top?
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Sincerely, some things should be taken literally.
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.