Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Apple,
"If you don't have an iphone, you don't have an iphone".
Dear leg hair,
Please be aware that you will now achieve a length you have not reached since I first started shaving.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Dear mom,
I found the $100 without needing to clean. I think you need to find a better hiding place that isn't under my pillow.
Dear <,
Just think, ten years ago, we didn't even know each other. Bless this generation for bringing us together!
Dear Taylor Swift,
Is "back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday, but I realized some bigger dreams of mine" code for "I really liked him, but then I became too famous for him?
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear people trying to make a point,
...
Dear Americans,
No, I don't speak Canadian.
Dear Dad,
Please clear your internet history...
Dear parents,
Just because I eat my burritos sideways doesn't mean you have to stare at me like I have two heads.
Dear Mufasa,
You only had one life left? Oh, my bad...
Dear Tarzan,
Watch out for that tree!
Dear math,
Can you please be as easy as half the girls in my class?
Dear National Geographic article about hippos eating people,
I THOUGHT THEY ONLY ATE WHITE MARBLES!!!!
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