Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Dear Bra,
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Dear people who want flying cars,
That'd be cool, but you could probably only fly them in special areas, and you'd probably need special training, and specific fuel, and they'd probably be super expensive . . .
Dear person trying to push a pull door,
AHAHAHAHAHA........oops.
Dear people losing sleep,
Tired? There's a nap for that.
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Dear sun,
My whole world revolves around you.
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
Dear neighbor looking out the window at the wrong moment,
Well. This just got awkward.
Dear movie theater usher,
What do you mean my bag smells like fast food?
Dear board games,
Sorry, I can't.
Dear sister,
I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
Dear Stephen King,
You're a jerk.
Dear smart water,
Please is there a minimum intelligence level required to drink this?
Dear person who thought it was a high five,
That's just how I wave.
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