At one point in your childhood, your parents put you down and never picked you up again.
Sincerely, I'm sorry.
Dear people who check behind their shower for murders,
Please realize that if you leave the shower curtain open, you can see the entire shower and you don't have to check.
Sincerely, smart people
Dear Pandora advertisers,
Why do I keep getting ads in Spanish to vote for the govener of Illinois?
Sincerely, I don't live in Illinois or speak Spanish
Dear Rude Customer who yelled at me for there not being enough cashiers at the front of the store,
Please realize that as a stocker I have no control over what happens outside of stocking merchandise
Sincerely, Patience-tested Employee
I know Subway can have as much sugar, fat and sodium as places like McDonalds. Thing is, I don't eat there for health/dieting reasons.
Sincerely, Subway is cheaper AND tastier
Dear Angry Starbucks Customer,
I'm sorry I had to ask you to repeat your drink order of a Quad shot Venti Iced Caramel Macciato upside down. You were speaking fast and it was my first day.
Sincerely, New Starbucks Barista
Dear Michael Jackson,
I don't think Annie's okay.
Sincerely, a smooth criminal
Dear church leaders who say cutting is a sin,
I wasn't aware that having depression was Biblically wrong
Sincerely, I cut because of your condemnation
Dear "Why Didn't They Ride the Eagles to Mount Doom?",
The Eagles only help Gandalf because Gandalf saved their leader, Gwaihir, from a poisoned orc arrow. So, in addition to question of how a big, giant eagle would go about carrying an itty-bitty magical ring, whose effects on an animal are entirely unknown, don't you think it'd be a bit of a dick move for Gandalf to ask Gwaihir to fly over a bunch of orc archers who probably have poisoned arrows? Would it be easier? Maybe. Would it be possible? Debatable. Would it be ethical? ...That's also questionable.
Sincerely, The Hobbit
Dear (current) math teacher,
Thank you so much for restoring my faith in math. You a a fun, relatable teacher who knows how to make a class laugh. You always have our papers graded the next day, which your students are very thankful for. You may not see it yet, but we all appreciate what you do as a teacher.
Sincerely, I wish more teachers were like you
Kindly stop interfering in the business of other countries because you made yourself the "world's policeman".
Sincerely, Someone who is tired of people getting killed.
Horses don't have periods. Cows, mice, rabbits, dogs, cats, mooses (meese?), reindeer, antelope don't have periods, and they can all reproduce just fine, Why, oh why, are we the unlucky ones?
Sincerely, lady in pain
I know everyday is a struggle. I know you hate your body. I know you hide your scars and the fact that you're broken. But trust me, recovery is possible.
Sincerely, don't give up
Dear new friend,
I know I've only known you for less than a year, but you mean the world to me. It just breaks my heart when I see the scars on your wrist.
Sincerely, the new girl that gives you extra hugs because of it