We agreed before we started dating that we wouldn't have sex and wouldn't have an open relationship. And now I find that you've been sleeping with my sister and at least one other girl since less than a week after we started dating? And you think I should be okay with this?
Sincerely, your asexual ex-girlfriend
Why do we walk on two legs? We're wasting our arm muscles.
Sincerely, fellow human with dreams of a four-legged world
Dear random boners,
Stop. Just stop.
Sincerely, Guys Everywhere
Please stop being such LOSERS
Sincerely, Donald J. Trump