Dear neighbor dog,
Please stop barking at 3 A.M. It has been 12 years and you have not shut up yet. Please die already.
Sincerely, the sleep deprived neighbor 2 doors down
The fact that you cover yourselves with icing really says something about your self-esteem.
Dear friend I walked in the bush with,
You were wearing shorts and a tank top. I was wearing a long sleeved shirt and jeans. Neither of us had insect repellent, and you complained you were itchy.
Sincerely, but how the heck do you end up with 3 mosquito bites while I've got over 40?!
Dear Bronys that go see my Mom for their doctor,
Please stop going to her, she comes home everyday very confused about humanity.
Sincerely, her 16 year old daughter that has to explain everything to her
Dear house/pet sitter,
Please explain the neighbor's complaints of loud swearing all night, loud music, and shouting. Apparently she didn't come talk to you because when she came during the day you were on the roof with your face painted and shouting, and you freaked her out. According to her boyfriend at night you ride my son's bike howling at the moon. On the bright side, the house is in one piece and the animals are happy.
Sincerely, I let you watch my children all the time?