Dear Dad,
Your new girlfriend is half your age, and her children are awful. Of course I don't want to spend what little time I have with you in their presence.
Dear patron,
You claim that your kids are darling little angels. The glass on the floor, bite marks on my arm, juice spilled on my shirt, and bruise on my shin prove that this is a lie.
Dear teens complaining about the 'younger generation',
Please realize that although they may be doing things that are too mature for their age, the biggest influence in their lives are YOU. Although you don't notice it, the preteens watch you swear, cover yourselves with makeup, and glue yourself to your cellphone, and eventually they come to the conclusion that these actions are right. YOU are the reason that the 'younger generation' is 'messed up', so please watch your own actions and check your surroundings before doing something stupid.
Dear Jewish boy in my English class,
Please realize that I have nothing to do with the cruel way Jewish people were treated in my country a few decades ago and that it disgusts me too. Please don't try to blame this on me. I didn't really do anything.
Dear people who think that I am too specific about the type of men I will date,
Please note that you will soon be recieving a kettlebell through your windshield if you tell me this one more time.
Dear Feminist roommates,
Please stop lumping all males into one group of "douche bags". I know plenty of great guys who you continually insult in front of me because you think all men are out to have sex and suppress women and are just all around jerks and have no morals or respect.
Dear Helena,
O me, you juggler! You canker blossom! You thief of love! What, have you come by night and stolen my love's heart from him?
Dear rapists,
No means no. She's not asking for it by dressing sexy. It's not her fault.
Dear University,
Want to save hundreds of dollars on your electric bills? Don't have every room's thermostat set at 40 degrees in summer. Just because it's hot outside, doesn't mean we want to be bundling up for a two hour class.
Dear Congenital Heart Disease,
Please go away for good. I did nothing to deserve your invasive poking, prodding, and cutting open of my chest (four times.) I'm done with the scars and pain. I’m 34 years old and desperately want to be a Mother but you continue to steal from me. If you insist on keeping me childless, give me a final sign and stop stringing me along. P.s. Open heart surgery really hurts!
Dear Greenpeace,
Just because we ignore you, doesn't give you the right to ruin a sacred landmark
Dear scientists,
When you don't call pluto a planet because it is to small, it is like not calling a midget a person because of the same reason.
Dear Marines,
I have all of the respect in the world for you. There's only one problem...
Dear people who doesn't believe in the bonds of friendship,
The 22nd of July two years ago, my dog went nuts; she wouldn't stop barking, she ran around the house and she kept nagging at my parents. She wouldn't stop until later that evening, when I called them to tell them I was alive.
Dear people that walk too damn slow,
Please remember natural selection will catch up to you one day