Oh, so this stranger you don't know, the one you made out with at a party earlier, randomly shows up IN YOUR GARDEN in the middle of the night, UNDER YOUR WINDOW? And then you agreed to MARRY HIM?
Sincerely, I would have called the cops, but that seems legit too...
Dear squishy civilian,
When we tell you to leave, and you say "I'm not going to leave without you", you are not helping! We can fight much better when you are off somewhere safe, and not in the way.
Sincerely, Heroes Everywhere
Dear English Teachers,
Here's a novel idea: allow your students to vote for books/plays/films they want to study. Include synopses and trigger warnings.
Sincerely, a student
Dear any boy who wishes to win my heart,
Please don't ever give me flowers, teddy bears, chocolates, or love songs. I will just get embarrassed and hide.
Sincerely, all I want is Triscuits
Dear (some) feminists,
Please stop using the term "male privilege" so inconsiderately. There are a LOT of compelling male issues; guys don't have it that great either.
Dear pro choicers ,
Please stop expecting that because I have a vagina that it means I'm pro choice. My mother had an abortion before she had me. I always wanted a big brother but hen I found that out, I hated her.
Sincerely, good catholic girl who doesn't want to take a chance at life away from anyone.
Dear person trying to sleep,
You know what we haven't thought about in a while? Monsters
Sincerely, your brain who's trying to kill you.
Please excuse my outward grumpiness. It was an act and I'm happy you played matchmaker.
Sincerely, happy and too chicken to do it herself
You shouldn't use that here
Sincerely, professor Oak
Dear people who keep telling me it won't work out,
You don't know how much he's helped me through my life. You don't know how we talk for hours about the same thing. You don't know how we are when we're alone. You don't know anything.
Sincerely, Get the facts before you crush a budding relationship.
Do you purposefully make our drinks worse if we're rude to you?
Sincerely, a curious customer
Dear lady in my apartment downstairs ,
Stop screaming at your 7 year old son
Sincerely, I would sincerely appreciate the cessation of your auditory expression
Dear people who say disney movies have hidden inappropriate messages,
It's probably just a coincidence
Sincerely, why would they do that?
Don't say your a vegetarian because you don't like killing. Plants are alive too.
Sincerely, I'll respect you when you find a different reason to not eat meat.