Dear girl in the cubicle next to me in the library,
Last time I checked, you're not a cow. There's no need to chew your gum like one.
Sincerely, just trying to read my book.
Dear TV show "What Not to Wear",
Please start doing makeovers for men.
Sincerely, sick of seeing otherwise attractive guys with their pants hanging off their butts.
Please know that when I say I want you to pay at least a little bit of attention to me, the correct answer is NOT to say "But I have better things to do."
Sincerely, your very pissed off, soon to be ex-girlfriend.
While your writing is excellent and certainly unparalleled, your use of persons with disabilities and illegitimate children as a trophe to represent evil characters disgusts me. I don't take it personally, but like other people I am a human not a defect.
Dear 8 year old,
It made my day when you started humming a Jim Morrison song.
Sincerely, gives me hope in life
Dear guy who sounds exactly like the Old Spice guy,
You just made class much more entertaining.
Sincerely, you fellow classmate
Dear organism and orgasm,
Why must you sound so similar?
Sincerely, just wrote a report on micro orgasms.
Dear short girls,
At least you don't have to worry about short guys.
Sincerely, pretty sure his eyes were exactly level with my boobs.
Dear College Student,
What the cuss were you thinking last night?!
Sincerely, Your Poor Liver