Dear kid tripping over his pants,
Did a famous rapper die and you have to wear your pants at half-mast?
Sincerely, just trying to understand...
Dear Hair Stylist,
Yes, I want my hair cut down to half an inch. Yes, I'm sure. No, I don't mean half an inch from my ears. No, I don't mean half an inch from my shoulders. I want my hair half an inch from my scalp. Please can you just cut my hair?
Sincerely, Your female client who feels she looks better with short hair.
Dear Facebook's "people you may know",
No mutual friends, lives in a different country, and not to mention they look like a pedophile...
Dear genealogy-obsessed aunt,
You're telling me we're descendants of Scottish royalty?
Sincerely, I ALWAYS KNEW I WAS A PRINCESS!
Please stop asking if I would like to download version 10.05.978658.346721.98740.
Sincerely, I just want to listen to music.
Dear economists who claimed the recession was over,
Please feel free to share the good news with my employer. Oh wait... that's right, I still don't have one!
You're living. You occupy space, and you have mass. You know what that means?
Sincerely, ...you matter.
Dear cute guy on the guys' cross-country team,
Your wearing short shorts is going to land me in the hospital one of these days.
Sincerely, I ran into a tree on our last run.
Please realize that nothing in this world is inherently bad. It's like the Force, it just depends on what you do with it.