Dear Pythagorean Theorem,
Because I can't wait for that moment in time when I will have a ruler to measure two sides of a triangle but not the third.
Sincerely, oh, wait...
Please Don't call me a dick friend for going out with my girlfriend and not you. I have other people in my life
Sincerely, Your tired "friend"
Dear empty milk carton,
Wow, you've got to be kidding me.
Sincerely, a bowl full of cereal.
Dear 'Guns kill people',
Guns don't kill people, people kill people.
Sincerely, the trigger didn't pull itself...
Thanks to you I wasn't stranded in the middle of nowhere for forgetting to turn off my headlights. You were seriously god sent.
Sincerely, the person who just got their license
Dear Sidewalks Everywhere,
Please be wider.
Sincerely, Third Wheel Trailing Behind
Dear love of my life,
Please remember me in heaven as I wear your dog tags proudly.
Sincerely, the girl you left behind.
Dear teenage girl who lives next door,
If the robbers didn't know you were home alone before, they do now.
Sincerely, just saw every light in the house turn on.
Dear new boyfriend,
It was really sweet to bring me on a sailing trip for our first date, but there's something you should know...