Quit asking if I'd catch a grenade for you. I fail to imagine a situation where the need for this would arise.
Sincerely, your boyfriend.
Dear guy who used to make fun of me in elemantary,
Funny how all I did was take off my glasses and now you think I'm cool.
Sincerely, some people are pathetic.
Please stop asking us if you are fat or not, we know it's a trick question.
Dear Tampax comercials playing before YouTube videos,
What a pleasure it was listening about "monthly gifts" and "leak guard protection" in band class when all we were trying to do was watch an orchestra performance. Did I mention my teacher is male?
Sincerely, but the look on his face was priceless.
It's because I'm white, isn't it?
I know your eyes are up there... I wasn't looking at your eyes.
Sincerely, a guy
Please don't hold it against me if I write the real date I finished that project.
You're complaining about my lack of sleep during the week, but when I try to sleep in on the weekends, you tell me to get out of bed.
Sincerely, annoyed teenager.
Dear Single Women,
Please remember if gay men seem kinder, funnier, and more attractive than straight men it could be because they haven't spent their lives under relentless psychological warfare from your gender.
Sincerely, A Straight Man