Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear late periods,
OH MY GOD I MIGHT BE CARRYING THE NEXT JESUS
Dear me,
Remember to turn the sound down on your alarm clock.
Dear drunk parents,
You may not remember in the morning, but I unfortunately do.
Dear friend who complains they haven't had sex in 6 weeks,
I've gone 15 years. Does that mean I win?
Dear Senior Class President,
Thank you for taking the time to learn my name, and continually saying hello to me. It made my day.
Dear patient who complained about your appointment being late,
I'm sorry if you're late for your coffee date, I was talking a girl out of suicide.
Dear "best" friend who asked my crush to the dance,
Please don't blame me when I don't want to hear about how much he's into you. You knew that I liked him. You knew that I'd be hurt.
Dear world,
What if God is just a Sims player, and we're the Sims?
Dear romantic kissing in the rain,
Ha! Nope
Dear "You can't use your calculator on the test",
Because "You're not going to always have a calculator in life"... Just about every cell phone has a calculator. And I ALWAYS have my cell phone.
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