Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Crayola,
Please stop making all your crayons look so tasty.
Dear driver who won't let the ambulance pass,
You're a douche. What if that was your dying mother in the back?
Dear straight boy who said "you'd look better without makeup",
I highly doubt that.
Dear Backpacks,
Please join weight-watchers. We all think it's for the best.
Dear World,
I was pushed.
Dear dog owner who just let your dog crap on my lawn,
Please clean up your dog's "present." It's not my job to deal with that shit...literally.
Dear guys in health class,
How do you know more about a vagina than we do?!
Dear MTV,
I thought the M stood for music, not maternity...
Dear everyone over the age of 17,
Please stop dating middle schoolers. If her age is on the clock, she is too young for you!
Dear cellphones,
Why aren't you water-resistant yet?! It's 2011!
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