Dear customer who is buying a package of condoms and a pregnancy test,
Yes I am judging you.
Sincerely, amused cashier.
Dear people who keep telling us to stop having sex,
We are not, nor do we have any intention of having any sex.
Sincerely, two Catholic lesbians. P.S. It's none of your business, anyway.
Dear Hipster Guys With Pointy-Toed Shoes,
Please note that your shoes make you look like one of Santa's elves.
Sincerely, Girl Who Mocks You Openly
I do not like this Sam I Am. I do not like this Facebook scam. I do not like the new news feed. I do not like it, no indeed. I do not like your top news trends, instead of recent news from friends. It was just fine, but now it's weird, so let me make myself quite clear. I do not like this new page attack. So Facebook admin CHANGE IT BACK!!!
Sincerely, Everyone that likes something called PRIVACY on Facbook
Dear long-time friend who married a girl our ENTIRE group can't stand,
Please, PLEASE, at least stop with the multiple five-minute-long makeout sessions in front of us? It's bad enough having to just be around her without having to watch you suck her face in every twenty minutes. Can you not just wait until we leave? It's also bad enough that you freaking MARRIED her and now we have to put up with her crap forever.
Sincerely, we love you, but this shit is getting old, fast.
Thanks for proving the stereotype wrong and making ME a sandwich in front of all of your fraternity brothers. Before we were even dating!
Sincerely, I always knew you were a good one!
Please, if you're worried about the obesity epidemic, make us cheaper.
Sincerely, overpriced healthy foods.
Please, underneath my bed's not messy. It's protection from the Boogeyman.
Sincerely, I'd like to see him get past this!