Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear cookies,
OM NOM NOM NOM.
Dear dog foster parent,
Please let me adopt that gorgeous dog that seems to be absolutely perfect for me. I'm already in love!
Dear little kids,
When I was your age, I had to work for the holes in my jeans.
Dear boy who thinks I have commitment issues,
I don't.
Dear Insecure nerdy girls,
Go to engineering school. Trust me on this one.
Dear Santa,
How is it we make the freaking toys,but you get all the credit?
Dear opposers of same sex marriages,
I support gay marriage, except I just call it marriage. Cause I had lunch today, not gay lunch. And I was doing work too, except not gay work. Just work.
Dear boys who say "If you loved me you'd let me go all the way.",
You are hitting a girl where she is the most vulnerable, in her heart and in her desire to have a strong male leader and protector, in order to get your pleasure. You are exploiting her for your own gain. If I ever heard you say that, I'd punch you in the face myself. You literally nauseate me.
Dear hot guy in my AP math class,
Please be my derivative so you can lie tangent to my curves.
Dear parents,
When we close our eyes and say "ewwww!" during kissing or sex scenes in movies, it's not that we think it's gross, it's that it's embarassing to have you think that we enjoy watching it.
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