Dear old ladies,
Please stop driving and go back to playing bingo.
Dear pageant moms,
Yes, we totally believe you when you insist that your two-year-old actually likes sitting down for three hours to get her fake hair put on, make up done and eyebrows waxed. I'm sure she was just crying of happiness.
Dear mom,
Thanks for naming me Bob.
Dear Wal-Mart,
It doesn't matter if I have 20 items or less. My speedy check out won't be very speedy if you give me a 120 year old cashier.
Dear short people,
At least you don't have to worry about ceiling fans.
Dear reader,
Some people get confused when a sentence does not end as they potato.
Dear diet,
Haha, you and what army?
Dear men with beards,
Do you shampoo your face?
Dear T-rex,
If you're happy and you know it clap your hands.
Dear delicious food,
Why did you have to fall on the floor in front of everyone?
Dear Trader Joe's,
Please keep that tasty food coming at such affordable prices. You make it easier to want to watch what I eat.
Dear cat,
Can we just chalk that one up to curiosity?
Dear Ditzy girls,
Be thankful your breasts aren't the size of your brains, or you'd get no where in life.
Dear children,
Please feel free to eat as much candy as you'd like.
Dear Lightning,
I feel like we keep missing each other by like THAT much!
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