Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
Dear Chicago Cubs,
Try another sport. Clearly, you are not cut out for baseball.
Dear Chicago Cubs,
Dear guy with the Confederate flag on his pick up,
It's 2010, the south lost, you live in Chicago, a black man is president, and your daughter is secretly dating a black honor roll student... give it up already.
Dear people who stereotype,
Today a stereotypical "gangster" in the heart of Chicago got up, called me ma'am, and offered me his seat when I walked on the crowded subway train.
Dear girl who posted a bikini picture saying, "gettingg ma tann onnn inn earllyyy marchhh!!!!",
That's not a tan, that's spray-on Cheetos mix.
Dear The New York Times,
I didn't know you were printed in Chicago.
Dear Misters Peter Jackson and Howard Shore,
I read The Hobbit when I was in fifth grade, and it was one of my favorite books as a child. I still have my copy, with it's bent and age-tanned pages, and an illustration of Smaug on the cover, sitting among piles of gold and bones. I thoroughly enjoyed the execution and the music of The Hobbit movie Part 1, and will hopefully see it at least once more in theaters. However I was a bit disappointed at the shortness of the song Misty Mountains. It was my favorite in the book, and the tune given by Mister Shore tugged at my heat strings (as is proper for it, and I expected nothing less). Please record a longer, possibly even "full", version with the cast I am not the only person to hope for this, and as I speak with others who have seen the film, the shortness of this song has been the only complaint I have heard.
Dear Chicago police officer,
Please accept my thanks for NOT giving me a ticket this morning. It seems like it was because of the music stands in the back seat which you asked about. And you actually listened to my answer when I said they were for holding scripts when actors are doing a reading of a play. I got my car registration this afternoon and printed out the valid copy of my insurance.
Dear Parents,
Please remember you told me that I didn't ask for what I wanted enough and that we had the money for pretty much anything I want. Then why, after paying for my own ipod, books, music, posters, souviners, and jewerly, do I have to pay for my trip to Chicago with my bff and summer camp? They are the things I love most! Can't you pay for something besides clothes and food?
Dear Hyde Park of Chicago,
You are the nicest predominantly (and historically) Black neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. I'd like to think that the good quality of the area has little to do with the world-renowned University of Chicago, but something tells me that U of C plays a big part in it.
Dear sex,
Oh, how I miss you so much! I'm in a relationship and I don't want to leave my man. He has allowed me date outside our relationship since he's older and doesn't have the same libido like he used to. The issue is that I'm afraid of catching an STD from some stranger (albeit I would use condoms but human nature wants unprotected sex), I don't want to go through that process of dating and getting feelings involved, plus I can't tolerate flaky people. I need to find a good balance of enjoying great sex while keeping the no-strings-attached attitude.
Dear girl who posted a bikini picture saying, "gettingg ma tann onnn inn earllyyy marchhh!!!!",
That's not a tan, that's spray-on Cheetos mix.