By the time you read this I'll be dead. This is how I think it's gonna happen: Dave will shoot me, then I'll shoot Dave, then Eric will enter and get shot by Dave. Then you'll come in and get shot by Eric, Dave, and I multiple times.
Sincerely, Your brother Keith. P.S. Then two cops will read this letter and shoot each other
Please stop hiding in easy places for my parents to read. Having to answer questions about my sexual experiences with homeless men in the park is becoming annoying.
Sincerely, I Like Boys
I haven't eaten corn in days...
Please stop coming into my room in the middle of the night.
Please don't ground me when I tell you my 20-year-old-bf from Ohio who I've been dating over the internet is coming over for my 18th birthday. P.S I want him to sleep in my room
Please stop making yourself throw up in the shower.
Sincerely, I can hear you
Welcome to Putnam Middle School! Enjoy your first period!
Sincerely, your principal
Please stop sniffing my dirty clothes. It's becoming creepy.
Sincerely, your girlfriend.
That was a very loud beep... I don't even know if this is working. Mark! Mark! Are you there? Are you screening your calls? It's Mom. We wanted to call and say we love you and we'll miss you tomorrow. Cindy and the kids are here, send their love. Oh! I hope you like the hot plate! Just don't leave it on, dear, when you leave the house! Oh and Mark! We're sorry to hear that Maureen dumped you, I say c'est la vie! So let her be a lesbian! There are other fishies in the sea.
Please stay in when I fart.
Sincerely, that's not gonna come out in the washer.
Dear Google Maps,
Please extend your street view to the rural parts of the country. I'm trying to find out which field I left my virginity in.
Your living room arrangement looks nice from the yard.
Dear Boyfriend in Georgia,
I love you.
Sincerely, Your girlfriend in California :)