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Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Dear America,
You still have a law in Iowa that allows you to shoot Native Americans if there are more than five of them on your property at any one time.
Dear Febreze,
I owe you $20 in quarters.
Dear son in your bedroom with your first girlfriend,
We can hear you over the TV.
Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Reeeeeed Robin!
Dear thunder thighs,
What a coincidence, I have a lightning penis.
Dear World,
Of course we ride Osama Bin Laden to school.
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Dear people mad at Arizona,
Please explain what all the fuss is about...
Dear hot girls,
Please become sex offenders and move to my neighborhood.
Dear children of mine,
My name is not, "gosh dangit!"
Dear drunk driver,
You thought it was funny when you hit my mom... I didn't.
Dear Edward Cullen,
Avada Kedavra!
THIS IS PAGE 4
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