Dear Harry Potter,
Yes, you are the boy who lived, but he was the twin who died.
Sincerely, Why did not name your child after my brother?
Did you ever hear the Churchill ordered a plstypus in the middle of WWII to raise moral?
Sincerely, This is why wevwon the war.
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Sincerely, I mean every word I ever say because I'm Harry Potter
Please stop liking things that I don't like and doing things I don't do. That'd be great 'k?
Sincerely, Everyone Else.
Dear people to whom I send instructions,
Please follow them. When it says to make a wire transfer, make a wire transfer. It you dont know what it is, ask your bank. Or ask me. Do not, I repeat, do not parachute cash money over a random bank. It takes forever to chase your money around and put it back where it belongs.
Sincerely, the accounting clerk with a butterfly net.
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Sincerely, told you I wasn't racist.
Please learn that there are only THREE races in the world....they are white, black, and yellow (Asians; their color). All those other words like Indian, Mexican, Brazilian, Latino, Native American, Chinese, Hawaiian, Alaskan, etc describe ethnicity. Not race.
Sincerely, Get your facts straight, tired of correcting people
Please stop ruining it for the rest of us... U SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sincerely, Singles everywhere.
We're not that fussed about your accent and it annoys us that you refer to ours as 'British'. Are we Welsh?
Sincerely, the English.
Dear Christians arguing about creationism in classrooms,
What if we took a science classroom to be that: teaching about the way the natural world appears to our senses. Discussions about minutia like a young earth created to look old etc can happen at home.
Sincerely, Earth seriously looks old, people!
Please give me my card back. Telling me after you've eaten it that you are out service is not on.
Sincerely, I have no other money!!!
I'm not even really offended. I just think it is terribly sad that your experiences have led to your first response to getting a big tip is to tell the customer that you are not a whore.
Sincerely, saddened customer
Thank you for helping me raise money to move to Tennessee even though you still claim I am three. I know you don't want me to go, but I am ready for this.
Sincerely, I love you so much.
Dear advice givers,
Please stop telling me to imagine everyone in the audience naked when I'm nervous about making a speech. That just makes me horny and is not helpful.
The fact that you made me make you a tea with not only whipped cream but marshmallows as well makes me feel both queasy and sad.
Sincerely, saying 'It's my version of a cappuccino' just makes it worse