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THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear male teacher,
due to your masculinity, correcting me in front of the class is violence. I am a womyn. Sure, I may have told the class the wrong answer to question, but like my feelings water.
Dear America,
Please vote for Donald Trump.
Dear Girl I am in love with.,
I have raging diarrhea right now.
Dear Parents,
Please don't tell me things that I don't want to know. Such as that my Great Grandma died my bed.
Dear Bronys that go see my Mom for their doctor,
Please stop going to her, she comes home everyday very confused about humanity.
Dear house/pet sitter,
Please explain the neighbor's complaints of loud swearing all night, loud music, and shouting. Apparently she didn't come talk to you because when she came during the day you were on the roof with your face painted and shouting, and you freaked her out. According to her boyfriend at night you ride my son's bike howling at the moon. On the bright side, the house is in one piece and the animals are happy.
Dear Trump Haters,
Please Your comments just prove the point
Dear Europe,
Thanks for taking care of the people we fucked the homes of.
Dear Capitalists,
Please realise your system is utterly corrupt, life is being segregated into classes and children are being worked as slaves in third world nations.
Dear guy I slept with last night,
Thank you for being the nicest most polite guy I have ever met. You even made me breakfast
Dear woman plopping some bombs in the stall next to me,
I gotchu.
Dear table of loudly bragging frat boys,
Oh please, give it a rest. Do you see the 40-something gentleman with the gray beard, sitting quietly at the table in the corner? I promise, he got more action this weekend than all of you.
Dear Random guy with a gun,
Thanks for saving my life from that guy with a knife who tried to stab me in the ally way
Dear Peers,
Even if I were interested in weed, my sister once touched some and broke out in hives everywhere. Her allergic reactions have only gotten worse since then. I'm not playing genetic roulette by putting that stuff in my lungs!
Dear DBPB,
Ever wonder how long it takes for a submission to be posted? It's currently 11:00 pm GMT (London) on July 13th, 2013. Behold.
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