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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Life,
Please don't ever make me fall in love with a guy then realize he's my cousin, again.
Dear life,
WHY. Do you torture me by making me fall for a guy who might be my 1/2 brother? This is really bothering me.
Dear Dad,
I only have those condoms because the packaging was cute and they were free.
Dear People,
Something is seriously wrong when I feel more comfortable naked than in a bikini
Dear scarred teenage girl,
All of my clothes were in the laundry...
Dear Edward Cullen ,
Please understand I am Peter-Freaking-Pan and no matter what I win....
Dear Sheldon Cooper,
What is the difference between the different fields of Physics? Wait, that was bad idea
Dear girl on that herbl essences commercial,
How are you having an orgasm while washing your hair with no one else present?
Dear sunlight ,
I'm so sorry but I've been cheating on you with lamp. Please forgive me!
Dear customer,
You came in wearing a Chip n' Dale hoodie (albeit the fluffy Disney chipmunks), and paid for your ice cream in all ones.
Dear Pedestrian,
I know you generally have the right of way, but when my light is green and I'm in the middle of the intersection going 35 mph, I can't stop on a dime when you run out in front of me.
Dear person outside the bathroom stall,
Calm down, I just took a screenshot of a picture on Facebook. My volume just happened to be on loud..
Dear Lesbians,
Please leave other boobs for us, you've got your own
Dear people who ask "How could you be a vegetarian when meat is so good?",
Taco Bell gave me a chicken quesadilla instead of a cheese quesadilla. I figured, "I'll eat it anyway." Turns out, I don't like the taste of chicken.
Dear white kid on my bus,
No it wasn't because you're black
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