Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear world,
Do you ever notice how bra sizes and grades seem to match up?
Dear mom,
You yell at me when I leave my shoes in the hall, but it's ok for you to leave your bra on the couch?
Dear cute football player who likes me,
I was doing really good at not falling for you, until you admitted your deep love for Harry Potter.
Dear girls that complain about guys only caring about looks,
Would you date a guy with moobs?
Dear guy I like,
I was so disappointed when I heard you say "I love you" to someone else on the phone...
Dear teen underwear models,
What's it like knowing that all your classmates and teachers know what you look like in lacy bras and thongs?
Dear hot girl in my calculas class,
I wish I were your derivative, so that I could lie tangent to your curves.
Dear America and Canada,
Apologies, we can't produce a bad pop star, we have a reputation to keep up with good musicians.
Dear pot of boiling water,
It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by a chick.
Dear Vice Principal ,
Thank you for visiting us in the middle of my algebra class and saying "do you know when you will actually use this stuff? NEVER!"
Dear "friends",
Are you done being mad at me yet? I did the right thing...
Dear manly men who aren't afraid of anything,
Tampons.
Dear 11 year old cousin,
I seriously just died a little when you asked what VHS is.
Dear ten-year-old girl on Facebook,
If he didn't text back within 5 seconds, don't change your relationship status to "Single" and post about how depressed you are.
Dear chemists,
When you figured out that Sodium (explodes when contacts water) and Chloride (highly poisonous) made a crystal, which idiot decided to see if it was edible?!
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