Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Teenage boys,
I see you when you are sleeping, and those are very naughty dreams...
Dear God,
Please send some clothes to the poor ladies on my dad's computer.
Dear purple crayon,
Why must you look EXACTLY like the blue crayon?
Dear Voldemort,
Why aren't you a unicorn?
Dear boyfriend,
Oh, wait... hmm, awkward....
Dear girls of Jersey,
I put the STD in STUD all I need is U!
Dear girl in the stall next to me,
It was very considerate of you to temporarily stop peeing as the announcements came on!
Dear people against abortion,
You realize birth is the leading cause of death...
Dear Period,
Oh my god you're late! What if I'm pregnant? What will my parents say? I'll have to drop out of college! I'll have to tell my boyfriend!! Oh wait....
Dear Girlfriend,
Please understand that when I ask if there is any leftover cake in the fridge from lunch, I am not telling you to lose weight. I just want to know if I can have some cake.
Dear mathematicians,
I know you've been looking for X for years, in fact X is equal to 10.
Dear surprised bystander,
Yes. Applesauce fell out of the sky.
Dear Boys,
You do realize how many weapons and poisons are in the kitchen, right?
Dear teacher telling me not to look at my phone in class,
I'm looking at my pocket watch.
Dear high school teachers,
You say you prepare us for college. College teachers say they prepare us for the "real world." Well, in the real world, we pretty much do the same things we do in pre-school. Sit down and try not to break anything.
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