Dear fellow gays,
Is it weird that I think homophobes are sexy?
Sincerely, They're kinda cute when they're telling me that I'm going to hell
Dear paranoid lady down the street,
No, my freckles are not there to keep track of all my visits with Satan.
Sincerely, why would you even say that?
Dear republicans at my school,
You say that if the president were meant to be black, it would've been called the Black Shack, not the White House. Well did you know Romney is Mexican?
Sincerely, how does Casa Blanca sound?
Sincerely, oh, wait, this isn't my diary.
Dear toilet ,
Sincerely, butt that just exploded on you.
When you say "come on you're a teenage girl you can open your mouth wider than that" my jaw automatically dropped
Sincerely, wow just wow.
Dear air freshener,
"Do not spray directly onto throat "
Dear Nursery Rhymes,
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a son
WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?!
Please look in the mirror.
Dear little sister,
I told you not to feed your sick goldfish Advil.
Sincerely, this is the last time I am giving the toilet funeral ceremony.
I like how I can do anything in them and no one will ever know.
Sincerely, I just made out with a chair and robbed a pet store.
Dear football players,
You play football? That's cute. We throw 100 pound girls. You throw 2 pound footballs. Oh, and we actually catch ours.
When you told me that the USB port on the laptop is ''female'' because the male always goes into the female... What part of that sounded OK in your head?
Sincerely, choking on my apple juice.