I have a bladder issue where i need potties often. so you should build more. Also, I don't like medication.
Sincerely, me, your VALUED CUSTOMER WHO JUST PISSED ON THE FLOOR
Damn it! I told you we weren't going to lose to those stupid Jigglypuffs! Why would you fall off your broom!?
Dear girl at the bar,
This is the second time I've seen you out dancing and you licked my face both times. I don't know why you do this, but it is quite disturbing. I hope you had fun with that couple that propositioned me for a threesome.
Sincerely, this is why I stay home
I have a penguin. His name is Reginald.
Dear People of the World,
The joke, 'Why'd the chicken cross the road?' isn't what you think it is. 'To get to the other side' doesn't refer to the other side of the road.
Sincerely, I just ruined your childhood.
Dear Any LDS moderators and anyone else who just wants to like it,
I got called to the Chile Antofagasta Mission Woohoo. I thought I would post it on here just for fun, even though it probably wont make it onto the home page
Dear Would-be Parents,
Please don't feel obligated to have children if your heart isn't breaking without them. Until you understand that putting salt on apricots sounds funny only because you don't have a toddler who is screaming at the top of her lungs wanting it, maybe you don't really need to have a child.
Sincerely, Mom of Four
Please how can you call me annoying when you've never spoken to me
Sincerely, il show you annoying, ill be a case of chronic stick in the ass
Dear Hold Guard,
But someone actually DID steal my sweetroll...
Dear Old Gods,
Please stop trying to break into our dimention. It was funny the first time when Cuthullu tried it now its just getting... old.
Sincerely, Deputy of Arkham
Although you look amazing and feel amazing sometimes, you make me feel shameful immediately. I am not alone. It is not normal to look at you. You destroy relationships and are killing my marriage. I hate that you're not illegal.
Sincerely, a sad husband and youth director
Dear person who calls me "treehugger" when I try to make the world a bit nicer,
Name-calling is for children, you're 13. Find a new insult, because I'm not offended. If that's the worst you can throw at me, you're pathetic. If you can do better, bring it on. I dare you. I'm ready.
Sincerely, 8th grader sick of that language
Please reconsider. Some people can make long distance work. Never know unless we try.
Sincerely, Your Waiting Princess Charming
Dear lady in the 8th row,
Please note that midnight in the movie theatre aisle is not the place to do aerobics
Sincerely, I just wanted to watch my movie