Dear totally perfect guy I only met once,
I have spent hours on facebook typing in every possible spelling of your first, last, and even middle name, found your school on google maps, traced bus routes to that school, and still, nothing. Congratulations, you are totally unstalkable.
Sincerely, It's like hot-guy-Where's-Waldo
Yes he's black. No he's not my slave...
Sincerely, He's my boyfriend..
Dear creators of the tampon,
Did you try to make it look like sperm on purpose?
Sincerely, creeped out girl
Please dont assume that I'm undressing you with my eyes.
Sincerely, just picturing what you'd look like with Dobby ears
Sincerely, Dr. Sheldon Cooper
Dear people who stereotype kidnappers always having a white van ,
Sometimes we have black vans....
Sincerely, don't like using white cars, they show dirt
Mom mom mom mom mama mama mama mama Lois Lois Lois Lois,
Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Sincerely, if you want respect, earn it
Dear Science Major Roomate,
No, the Nucleus dissolves into Chromosomes during Prophase. I sometimes read your textbook when I get bored.
Sincerely, Music Major
You've managed to unlock my iPhone and beat my high score on temple run.
Sincerely, Teach Me Your Ways
Dear man trying to sell my mom something,
My brothers are screaming and throwing things at each other. My sister is singing Disney songs as pound and off key as possible. My dad is in boxers and I'm running around screaming Harry Potter spells.
Sincerely, the look on your face is awesome, but you should run before she let's you inside......
Dear Mystery Seeker,
"Go to Wal-Mart, buy one banana, two jars of chocolate sauce, and one roll of duct tape. Be sure to look suspicious."
Sincerely, Challenge Accepted
Dear Wall at Platform 9 in the train station,
3, 2, 1..CHARGE!!
Sincerely, ....bitter disappointment and brain damage
Thank you ever so much for having all 28 of us use sharpies to make a chart that lasted the whole class period.
Sincerely, we walked out so high we saw unicorns