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Dear Harry Potter,
Yes, you are the boy who lived, but he was the twin who died.
Dear Reader,
Did you ever hear the Churchill ordered a plstypus in the middle of WWII to raise moral?
Dear okay-looking guy in my college class,
Please stop answering biology questions so confidently in a room filled with mostly idiots.
Dear people to whom I send instructions,
Please follow them. When it says to make a wire transfer, make a wire transfer. It you dont know what it is, ask your bank. Or ask me. Do not, I repeat, do not parachute cash money over a random bank. It takes forever to chase your money around and put it back where it belongs.
Dear Everyone,
Please stop liking things that I don't like and doing things I don't do. That'd be great 'k?
Dear people,
Please learn that there are only THREE races in the world....they are white, black, and yellow (Asians; their color). All those other words like Indian, Mexican, Brazilian, Latino, Native American, Chinese, Hawaiian, Alaskan, etc describe ethnicity. Not race.
Dear Couples,
Please stop ruining it for the rest of us... U SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dear world,
I'm not racist, but cinnamon muffins are just fan-freaking-tastic.
Dear Americans,
We're not that fussed about your accent and it annoys us that you refer to ours as 'British'. Are we Welsh?
Dear Mom,
You don't need to open the bathroom door to talk to me.
Dear Christians arguing about creationism in classrooms,
What if we took a science classroom to be that: teaching about the way the natural world appears to our senses. Discussions about minutia like a young earth created to look old etc can happen at home.
Dear Neville,
Your Grandmother is a blast-ended skank.
Dear ATM,
Please give me my card back. Telling me after you've eaten it that you are out service is not on.
Dear advice givers,
Please stop telling me to imagine everyone in the audience naked when I'm nervous about making a speech. That just makes me horny and is not helpful.
Dear waitress,
I'm not even really offended. I just think it is terribly sad that your experiences have led to your first response to getting a big tip is to tell the customer that you are not a whore.
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