Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear red velvet cup-cake,
Kiss me, k-k-kiss me. Infect me with your loving, fill me with your poison.
Dear teachers who say "no one looks at their crotch and smiles" when they think we're texting,
I do, and if you could see it, you would too...
Dear hot guy who's jacket I just gave back,
Of course I didn't spray my perfume on it so you would think about me...
Dear Virgin Mary,
Thank you for proving abstinance is not 100% effective.
Dear 12-year-old brother,
No, I don't know if a prostitute getting pregnant is considered a work-related accident.
Dear Prince Charming,
Why did you kiss Snow White if you thought she was dead?
Dear bi-lingual people,
I can speak 2 languages, English and Starbucks.
Dear world,
My daughter starts driving on December 21, 2012....
Dear Mom,
If my friends jumped off a bridge it would be because I jumped first.
Dear Bella,
Penny for your thoughts?
Dear Edward Cullen,
How exactly did you get Bella preggo? I thought you didn't have blood...
Dear cut on my leg,
I got you from shaving. You don't need to make it look like a murder scene just went down in the tub.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
Please think of a better excuse for kissing her then "I was giving her gum..." Really?
Dear people who say nothing is impossible,
So I can ride my dinosaur to cotton candy land and get a pet unicorn...
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