Dear Pervy Old Professor,
Thanks for the Valentine's Day kiss.
Sincerely, your student and soulmate
You know something is wrong with your moral standards when a perfectly normal, mentally able person's* best friend is an invisible peregrine falcon. *me
Sincerely, no one else even gives a care.
Please stop coming out of me when I sneeze
Sincerely, I have to go to the bathroom be right back
Dear family curse,
My eldest aunt found a perfect boyfriend. Two years later she died of cancer. My youngest aunt found a perfect boyfriend. Nine months later she died of cancer. My mother found a perfect boyfriend years ago. Now she is recovering from cancer. The aunts are from my father's side.
Sincerely, this is why I'm staying single.
Sincerely, Bin Laden
If we all walk around naked, no one will be able to "slut-shame" based on clothing, and it will be harder to tell/make fun of people's financial status.
Sincerely, it's a win-win.
Please understand there is a HUGE difference between "You need to get 100% but can take it as many times as you want" and "you have to take it until you get 100% but for every attempt they take off 10%"
Sincerely, glad it only took me 2 attempts to get 100!
Why have you not made a Xanax Latte?
Sincerely, A customer who desperately needs it
Why can't adult diapers be socially acceptable for people with small bladders?
Sincerely, tired of walking to the loo 15 times a day
Dear girl that said no one likes kissing a guy with a beard,
Please realise that you don't like kissing a guy with a beard. I, on the other hand, find it very sexy....Very, very sexy.
Sincerely, Oh, great, you made me horny.
Dear guys on my bus,
Please continue arguing about what comic superhero would win in a fight. last week you asked me what was my favorite beatles album
Oh my. What an interesting way for valentines day to go...
Sincerely, made out in the school gym
I'm a Witch. Not like in Hansel and Gretel. Not like in Charmed. I practice energy, and conduct circles, and believe in the magic of Mother Nature. I'm not evil, and I don't worship Satan. We don't have a Satan. I worship energy, nature, and the universe--does that sound evil to you? It's the 21st century. Please get it right. I'm tired of being looked down upon when I say I'm Wiccan.
Sincerely, yes, this really is an issue