Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear guy at the gym,
You smile because you see me looking your way. I smile because I just realized I can do more reps than you.
Dear society,
My little cousin has been complaining about the 4th grade slut in her class...
Dear girls in need of a shoulder to cry on,
If I can prevent something horrible by letting your tears stain my shirt, it's worth it.
Dear cute boy sharing his earbuds with me,
Thank you for having the clean version of that song on your iPod.
Dear classmates who ask me why I don't stand for the Pledge of Allegiance,
Why do you you stand?
Dear Helen Keller,
Can you hear me now?
Dear douchebags,
Please stop dating the cute girls and breaking their hearts. It makes our job harder.
Dear Americans,
It's freedom OF religion, not freedom FROM religion.
Dear students,
Sitting you boy, girl, boy, girl is our way of telling you who would make cute couples.
Dear mom,
Stop being such a cougar.
Dear Parents,
Yes, my room may cause me to trip on the way out if our house catches on fire, but it will also cause that serial rapist who is about to attack me to fall, thus alerting me he's there.
Dear polyjuice potion,
We call you tequila over here...
Dear football players,
Being a male cheerleader is way more manly than hugging guys and fighting over balls.
Dear world,
If everyone hates Canada so much, we'll just take back our Nutella, then.
Dear people with big purses going into the movie theater,
I know you have food in there, I'm just too lazy to care
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