Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear universe,
Why is it all the sluts and crack whores can get pregnant, but I can't?
Dear Lion King,
You're the only Disney movies that actually has both parents.
Dear guy who I just rear-ended,
You just happened to be shirtless and incredibly good looking?!
Dear England,
Do you have a Dunkin' Crumpets?
Dear Google,
Please tell me why when I typed in 'why does my mo' you autocomplete with 'why does my mom turn me on?'
Dear organic cookies,
Since you're organic, that means you're good for me, right?
Dear person outside the bathroom stall,
Well hello to you too.
Dear nerds,
I stand outside during thunderstorms pretending I have superpowers.
Dear kids of the 21st century,
Today, I, along with my other 17 year old friends played on a slip 'n slide, played extreme duck duck goose and went through the McDonalds drive through in a shopping cart.
Dear Nook, iPad and Kindle,
We don't run out of batteries.
Dear facebook,
Please consider adding a "suggested relationship" option.
Dear judgamental people,
I drink, smoke, do drugs, love partying and have sex with boys. I'm also 19, in my third year at Yale, have never been pregnant, never had a car accident, read a 1000 books and have an IQ of 139.
Dear cocoa,
You're a bean, and since beans are vegetable does that mean when I'm eating chocolate I'm really eating healthy?
Dear world,
How come when people get followed on twitter they get excited, but in real life when someone gets followed it's creepy.
Dear person who invented hugs,
I bet it must have been pretty awkward when you hugged someone for the first time...
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