Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear OCD,
I'd like you a lot more if you were CDO...
Dear 5 year old sister,
When dad asked if you wanted dark or white chicken meat, thanks for saying, "I don't care, because I don't discriminate."
Dear Disney,
I failed a history test because of you!
Dear boys,
We eat salads on dates because it's hard to eat anything else without looking like Cookie Monster.
Dear guys in uniform,
Please, carry on.
Dear best friend's new boyfriend,
Just FYI, I keep duct tape, a shovel, rope and gloves in my car, and I watch plenty of NCIS to know how to make it look like an accident.
Dear receptionist,
Yes, I just roundhouse kicked the elevator button.
Dear girl with writing on her t-shirt,
Excuse me while I read your boobs...
Dear world,
Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Johnny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have no Jobs, no Cash and no Hope. What are you going to do when I die?!
Dear movie/tv/book writers,
You know there are too many vampires when they have to make an award for the best one.
Dear people who say words can't hurt you,
Ever been hit with a dictionary?
Dear cute guy on facebook,
If you could see who watched your profile and how often, you'd probably request protective custody...
Dear British guy in my AP World History class,
I thoroughly enjoy the fact that you know more about American history than half of our classmates.
Dear guys walking behind me,
Yes, I have headphones on but I'm not deaf.
Dear little girl,
Thanks for asking your mom why the gangster was walking like a penguin.
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