Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear mom,
Yes, of course I'm pregnant. What did you expect?
Dear parents,
Just because I eat my burritos sideways doesn't mean you have to stare at me like I have two heads.
Dear Hogwarts,
That awkward moment when even Hufflepuff rejects you.
Dear roommate's parents,
Sorry about your daughter's crucifixes and pink unicorns being in such sharp contrast to my phallic Andy Warhol art, foreign vodka advertisements and pictures of Lady Gaga in her underwear.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Dear boy who just asked me to sit on his lap,
Boy you ain't no Santa Claus, I don't wanna be yo ho ho ho!
Dear OCD,
Want to hear a joke?
Dear teacher who said "no offense" when you called me a Negro,
I'm only half black.
Dear homeless person,
I hope you enjoy the brownies I gave you.
Dear Apple,
"If you don't have an iphone, you don't have an iphone".
Dear now ex-boyfriend,
When I said "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends," I didn't mean literally...
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear black people wearing dark clothes and jaywalking at night,
I'm not being racist but...really?!
Dear boys,
Please recognize that when a girl gets randomly shoved into you in the middle of the hall, it means she likes you.
Dear girls,
Roses are red, violets are blue, keep your boobs in your shirt, we'll stop staring at you.
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