Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear everyone who doesn't understand the average mind,
Snuggies rule, ninjas are going to attack you in your sleep, Santa will bring you no presents this year, and the unicorns refuse to be in your company because your imaginations are too limited to see their majestic ways,and don't call our favorite stuff stupid, or else Voldemort will come and Avada Kedavra you.
Dear neighborhood,
I don't think having an ice cream parlor next to a pub is a good idea...
Dear mosquitoes,
If you were hot I would let you suck my blood.
Dear teacher de Español,
Gracias for teaching me mucho this año. Yo estoy ready for Cancún, Mexico this Spring Break!
Dear women who like "a man in uniform",
Does my black and white, striped uniform turn you on?
Dear aunt wanting to know what I want for my birthday,
No, I do not need cute lacy panties to complete me...
Dear ROTFL,
Laughing So Hard I Fell Off My Dinosaur Just Kidding I Don't Have A Dinosaur But If I Did I Would Name It Frank!
Dear girls,
Just helping you reel in a vampire boyfriend.
Dear braces,
Please do not store food in my mouth. It is 98.6 degrees in there and I don't want to be tasting this cucumber while it ferments for the next three hours.
Dear reader,
I know you went from reading calmly to SCREAMING IN YOUR HEAD!
Dear lifeguards,
Do you realize that you make all the girls on the beach want to drown in the ocean?
Dear murderer in my shower,
I didn't expect you to groan when I jokingly ninja-kicked the shower curtain.
Dear world,
You take so many unecessary showers.
Dear people,
Youjustreadthisreallyfastdidn'tyou? THEN YOU SCREAMED THIS.
Dear ex boyfriend's crotch,
Please allow me to introduce you to all 1500+ pages of the complete encyclopedia of football.
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