Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear red velvet cup-cake,
Kiss me, k-k-kiss me. Infect me with your loving, fill me with your poison.
Dear teachers who say "no one looks at their crotch and smiles" when they think we're texting,
I do, and if you could see it, you would too...
Dear hot guy who's jacket I just gave back,
Of course I didn't spray my perfume on it so you would think about me...
Dear Virgin Mary,
Thank you for proving abstinance is not 100% effective.
Dear 12-year-old brother,
No, I don't know if a prostitute getting pregnant is considered a work-related accident.
Dear bi-lingual people,
I can speak 2 languages, English and Starbucks.
Dear Prince Charming,
Why did you kiss Snow White if you thought she was dead?
Dear Mom,
If my friends jumped off a bridge it would be because I jumped first.
Dear Bella,
Penny for your thoughts?
Dear world,
My daughter starts driving on December 21, 2012....
Dear Edward Cullen,
How exactly did you get Bella preggo? I thought you didn't have blood...
Dear mom who just texted me GTTSBBSDITF,
Who in their right mind could ever figure out that it means "Gone To The Store, Be Back Soon. Dinner's In The Fridge?!"
Dear cut on my leg,
I got you from shaving. You don't need to make it look like a murder scene just went down in the tub.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
Please think of a better excuse for kissing her then "I was giving her gum..." Really?
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