Please know when you gave me "the talk" and offered me $5 for every year i'm a virgin you could've atlease offered 10.
Sincerely, $5 is a rip off.
You are an orgasm of the nose.
Dear sticky white stuff on the floor,
Please be glue, please be glue, please be glue!
Sincerely, ... it's not glue.
Dear everyone ,
I'm naked under my clothes!
I have trekked mile after mile over many moons, crossing mountains and deserts, rafting across two oceans, surviving only on food I could kill with my bare hands and water that I drank as it fell from the sky. Well, actually, I didn't, but it would have been easier than getting out of the friend zone.
Dear police officers,
Your badge is very shiny.
Sincerely, drunk teenager.
I'm 15, female and hormones are raging through my body. You're 26, male and very very very good looking. So please don't come so close to me while trying to explain something. I won't understand a single word. However, I will drool.
Sincerely, your (failing) student.
Dear Katy Perry,
My daugter is eight, she is not "ready for abduction."
Sincerely, a concerned mother.
Dear guy who uses the phrase "I have something to tell you" before kissing a girl,
2 seconds of bliss followed by awkward silence.
Sincerely, good talk...
When is the iTampon coming out?
Santa saw your picture.
Sincerely, you're getting clothes for Christmas.
I'm in love with someone who isn't human, shines in sunlight, and has glowing, gold eyes.
Sincerely, his name is C3PO.
Let's flip a coin. Heads I win, tails you lose.
Sincerely, winners are made, not born.
Wanna have a threesome?
Sincerely, the hydrogen twins.