Yes, of course I'm pregnant. What did you expect?
Sincerely, you were at the wedding...
Just because I eat my burritos sideways doesn't mean you have to stare at me like I have two heads.
Sincerely, it's fun to pretend to be a zombie.
That awkward moment when even Hufflepuff rejects you.
Dear roommate's parents,
Sorry about your daughter's crucifixes and pink unicorns being in such sharp contrast to my phallic Andy Warhol art, foreign vodka advertisements and pictures of Lady Gaga in her underwear.
Sincerely, this is awkward.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Sincerely, well, I'll be taking those back now...
Dear boy who just asked me to sit on his lap,
Boy you ain't no Santa Claus, I don't wanna be yo ho ho ho!
Sincerely, that might have been the cleverest thing I've ever though of on the spot!
Want to hear a joke?
Sincerely, nevermind, it's probably too dirty...
Dear teacher who said "no offense" when you called me a Negro,
I'm only half black.
Sincerely, only half offended.
Dear homeless person,
I hope you enjoy the brownies I gave you.
Sincerely, high as a kite.
"If you don't have an iphone, you don't have an iphone".
Sincerely, oh really now?
Dear now ex-boyfriend,
When I said "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends," I didn't mean literally...
Sincerely, a spice girl.
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear black people wearing dark clothes and jaywalking at night,
I'm not being racist but...really?!
Sincerely, I almost accidentally ran you over.
Please recognize that when a girl gets randomly shoved into you in the middle of the hall, it means she likes you.
Sincerely, her friend that did said shoving.