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Dear friend who told me you can touch someone's elbow without them feeling it,
They also won't feel it if you lick it.
Dear professor who gave me a 20 and my boyfriend a 92 on the same assignment,
I wrote and submitted both of them.
Dear guys,
Please stop complaining about girls being moody. You would be too if every 28 days your pants were a murder scene and your stomach felt like it was being stabbed.
Dear boyfriend,
Charmanders are red. Squirtles are blue. If you were a Pokemon, I'd choose you. Your smile is stronger that of a Hyperbeam. Like Jesse and James, we make the perfect team. I'll stay by your side like Pikachu and Ash. I'll love you more than a level 80 Rapidash. You're more legendary than a Zapados, Entei, or Mew.But out of all 450 I choose you.
Dear Katy Perry,
Last Friday night I watched The Lion King.
Dear girls,
Actually, we put the "XY" in the people you find sexy.
Dear girlfriend,
What did you expect to happen when I was drunk around your twin sister!?
Dear Bert,
I had a great time last night...
Dear Powell Middle School,
So do your cheerleaders cheer for PMS?
Dear 13-year-olds saying they wished they were older,
If it were the 1700's, you would be married by now.
Dear attractive male friend who asked if his shirt was too tight,
No. No it's not...
Dear insecure guy on top of me,
Please stop asking if I "like that." If I didn't, I wouldn't still be under you.
Dear future girlfriend,
I want a date where we wear sweatpants, watch Harry Potter and eat ice cream/nutella, without makeup or any of those other lies people wear. I'll make us sammiches. I'm really good at making those.
Dear Bruno Mars,
Today I don't feel like doing anything... but I'm going to get out of bed and actually work for a living.
Dear lady with $500 sunglasses,
How about I get you a pair of nice $20 sunglasses, glue a random name brand and some rhinestones on it, and then you give me the rest of the money to buy things that actually matter.
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