Dear fellow gays,
Is it weird that I think homophobes are sexy?
Sincerely, They're kinda cute when they're telling me that I'm going to hell
Dear paranoid lady down the street,
No, my freckles are not there to keep track of all my visits with Satan.
Sincerely, why would you even say that?
Dear republicans at my school,
You say that if the president were meant to be black, it would've been called the Black Shack, not the White House. Well did you know Romney is Mexican?
Sincerely, how does Casa Blanca sound?
Sincerely, oh, wait, this isn't my diary.
How do you confuse an archaeologist? You give him a used tampon...
Sincerely, and ask him what period it's from...
Dear male part in Baby It's Cold Outside,
THE LADY SAID NO!
Sincerely, Draco Malfoy
Dear toilet ,
Sincerely, butt that just exploded on you.
When you say "come on you're a teenage girl you can open your mouth wider than that" my jaw automatically dropped
Sincerely, wow just wow.
Please stop texting my girlfriend from my phone...
Sincerely, she thinks I'm schizophrenic.
Dear Nursery Rhymes,
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a son
WHAT'S WRONG WITH US?!
Dear nursery rhymer,
Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, jack fell down and broke his crown....
Sincerely, AND NOW HES LYING ON THE COLD HARD GROUND
Dear offended friend,
Please know I am giving my boyfriend a VERY long talk later.
Sincerely, he meant that you were gentle like a cow, not a cow.
Please look in the mirror.