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Dear World,
One day, I will be your Empress......KIDDING! That's way too much work and I'm lazy...Or am I just lying to give you a false sense of security? YOU WILL NEVER KNOW! HAHAHAHAHA >:)
Dear annoyed people,
I like my women like my coffee; fine-ground, with a little creamer, some cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom and vanilla.
Dear companies,
I have a bladder issue where i need potties often. so you should build more. Also, I don't like medication.
Dear Vegans,
I can make you a non-vegan rather quickly!
Dear Harry,
Damn it! I told you we weren't going to lose to those stupid Jigglypuffs! Why would you fall off your broom!?
Dear girl at the bar,
This is the second time I've seen you out dancing and you licked my face both times. I don't know why you do this, but it is quite disturbing. I hope you had fun with that couple that propositioned me for a threesome.
Dear People of the World,
The joke, 'Why'd the chicken cross the road?' isn't what you think it is. 'To get to the other side' doesn't refer to the other side of the road.
Dear Doctor,
Please, do you really expect me to believe you made my ear bleed on purpose...
Dear Any LDS moderators and anyone else who just wants to like it,
I got called to the Chile Antofagasta Mission Woohoo. I thought I would post it on here just for fun, even though it probably wont make it onto the home page
Dear person who calls me "treehugger" when I try to make the world a bit nicer,
Name-calling is for children, you're 13. Find a new insult, because I'm not offended. If that's the worst you can throw at me, you're pathetic. If you can do better, bring it on. I dare you. I'm ready.
Dear Porn,
Although you look amazing and feel amazing sometimes, you make me feel shameful immediately. I am not alone. It is not normal to look at you. You destroy relationships and are killing my marriage. I hate that you're not illegal.
Dear Kate,
Please reconsider. Some people can make long distance work. Never know unless we try.
Dear lady in the 8th row,
Please note that midnight in the movie theatre aisle is not the place to do aerobics
Dear snail,
When I named you Baggins I never thought you'd actually live up to the name
Dear world,
Why is it that when men tell women about women's experiences, it's "mansplaining," but when women tell men about men's experiences, it's "discussing male privilege?"
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