Dear Pervy Old Professor,
Thanks for the Valentine's Day kiss.
Sincerely, your student and soulmate
You know something is wrong with your moral standards when a perfectly normal, mentally able person's* best friend is an invisible peregrine falcon. *me
Sincerely, no one else even gives a care.
Please stop coming out of me when I sneeze
Sincerely, I have to go to the bathroom be right back
Please apologize for making me so unable to focus on the computer and end up on sites like thi- OOH SHINY!
Sincerely, hyper hyper HYPER HYPER SQUIRREL BOY
Dear family curse,
My eldest aunt found a perfect boyfriend. Two years later she died of cancer. My youngest aunt found a perfect boyfriend. Nine months later she died of cancer. My mother found a perfect boyfriend years ago. Now she is recovering from cancer. The aunts are from my father's side.
Sincerely, this is why I'm staying single.
Dear adults who say teens are addicted to technology,
I know. I am so addicted to using my calculator. Like, you don't even know the rush I feel when I type in 23.0014 + (1.3529*34) in it. And the answer is so satisfying. It feels like dinner for two, just, oh my religious figure.
Sincerely, Frankly, it's more likely that teens like to use the internet. That's why they always want wi-fi.
Sincerely, Bin Laden
If we all walk around naked, no one will be able to "slut-shame" based on clothing, and it will be harder to tell/make fun of people's financial status.
Sincerely, it's a win-win.
Please understand there is a HUGE difference between "You need to get 100% but can take it as many times as you want" and "you have to take it until you get 100% but for every attempt they take off 10%"
Sincerely, glad it only took me 2 attempts to get 100!
Why have you not made a Xanax Latte?
Sincerely, A customer who desperately needs it
Dear girl that said no one likes kissing a guy with a beard,
Please realise that you don't like kissing a guy with a beard. I, on the other hand, find it very sexy....Very, very sexy.
Sincerely, Oh, great, you made me horny.
Dear guys on my bus,
Please continue arguing about what comic superhero would win in a fight. last week you asked me what was my favorite beatles album
Oh my. What an interesting way for valentines day to go...
Sincerely, made out in the school gym
I'm a Witch. Not like in Hansel and Gretel. Not like in Charmed. I practice energy, and conduct circles, and believe in the magic of Mother Nature. I'm not evil, and I don't worship Satan. We don't have a Satan. I worship energy, nature, and the universe--does that sound evil to you? It's the 21st century. Please get it right. I'm tired of being looked down upon when I say I'm Wiccan.
Sincerely, yes, this really is an issue
Dear democratic societies,
Does it not bother you that individuality, which encourages us to pursue our interests above society's, impedes democracy by causing us to inevitably neglect our political awareness?
Sincerely, my hope for humanity