Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear "If I can't get them off neither can the rapist",
What do you think the knife is for?
Dear drunk people,
Don't be mad at us for taking advantage of you.
Dear guy friend,
I pinky swear I can handle running by a bunch of guys in a sports bra and shorts. They won't rape me. I've seen too much Miss Congeniality for that!
Dear mom,
I'm wearing skinny jeans. If I can't get them off, neither can the rapist.
Dear world,
Hello my name is Inigo Montoya. You Killed My Father. Prepare to die!
Dear reader,
Did you know that it's legal for women to be topless in Liverpool, England only if they work at tropical fish stores?
Dear Lady Gaga,
What do you really look like?
Dear Bruno Mars,
I liked your hands better when they were catching grenades.
Dear people who leave church by the side door immediately following the sermon,
Judas left early, too.
Dear gay guys,
At least you never have to deal with a PMSing girlfriend.
Dear ex-roommate,
I am so sorry about your future ex-husbands.
Dear doctors,
I don't care how old I am, or that you had to pin me down. Shots will never stop hurting!
Dear Law and Order, Bones, NCIS, and CSI,
Thanks for the advice, it totally worked!
Dear world,
You say nothing is impossible.
Dear books,
Unlike you, no one reads me, so don't expect to win this poker game.
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