Dear table of loudly bragging frat boys,
Oh please, give it a rest. Do you see the 40-something gentleman with the gray beard, sitting quietly at the table in the corner? I promise, he got more action this weekend than all of you.
Sincerely, His exhausted and grinning wife
Dear Trump Haters,
Please Educate yourselves and don't listen to everything the liberal media spoon feeds you.
Sincerely, You're what is wrong with this country
Just because I am American, it does not mean I am fat, stupid, gun-toting, racist, homophobic, or generally ignorant. Please don't hate me for my country's stereotypes.
Sincerely, SLIGHTLY overweight, stupid, gun-toting american.
In first grade, popularity was determined by three things: how much you had written in your journal, how many "special colours" you had in your crayon box, and how well you could draw a race car.
Sincerely, Everything Was So Simple
I don't have several personality disorders, I don't suffer from extreme delusions and I'm not paranoid. I'm just screwing with your head, and THAT, my dear Watson, is my actual problem.
Sincerely, a pathological liar
Dear "Violence is always wrong",
My neck still hurts from the last time I tried to kill myself. And when I came back from the hospital, the first thing I heard was: "So you didn't manage to kill yourself this time either? No wonder your mommy's ashamed of you!"
Sincerely, I just dislocated my bully's jaw and I sure as hell don't regret it
Dear woman plopping some bombs in the stall next to me,
Sincerely, girl loudly crinkling her plastic shopping bag.
Dear "best friend",
Please stop telling me to use short dresses or skirts and go out to the club with you. You know I can't because my scars will show. I told you because I trusted you and I thought you'd understand.
Sincerely, why are you telling me "Ugh, you're so boring. That's why you're depressed, you never have fun!"?
Dear Gamer girls,
Please Imagine you're in a supermarket, and a guy walks up to you and says, "Hi, I'm a guy who can cook!", then goes on to brag about how he can make mac & cheese, instant noodles, and microwave pies.
Sincerely, That's what you sound like.
Dear guy friend,
Remember when I said I wasn't looking for a relationship?
Sincerely, I lied
Dear loving older sister,
I didn't understand why you wanted me to give the creepy quiet guy who hit on me a chance, but i thank you. Never in a million years would i ever expect for him to be my one and only, but you did. He loves me so much and got me out of a depressive rut in my life. He is the love of my life and you are the best sister ever.
Sincerely, planning our wedding while decorating the nursery. :)
Dear workers at fast food restaurants and grocery stores,
I'm not judging you, I've just always look angry.
Sincerely, without you people, I couldn't buy things I want.
I thought you said that music was your life and I was the melody? Did you skip a beat because suddenly I'm not with you.
Sincerely, Your ex
Dear "you're culturally appropriative",
Yes, 50% of my diet is Chinese food, and I picked up certain Cantonese phrases (mainly swear words) that I use on a daily basis. I work in a Chinese restaurant, you twat, what did you expect?
Sincerely, a white girl just trying to get by