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Dear Steve Jobs,
You are the apple of our 'i'.
Dear [insert: current president here],
You suck! You're the worst president ever! The [insert: other party] would do such a better job! It's totally your fault that [insert: foreign power, gas prices, natural disaster, or lack of parking places] is ruining everything!
Dear Rihanna ,
Chains and whips excite us too.
Dear upset, overweight woman,
Since we were both sitting in the OBGYN office I thought it was safe to assume...
Dear guy I like,
What you just said made liking you really awkward...
Dear women,
Don't worry about magazines telling you you're fat; porn sites tell us we need penis enlargements all the time.
Dear teacher who says "don't get arrested" every Friday when the bell rings,
Oops...
Dear girls that are afraid of blood,
What do you do during your period?
Dear teenage girls,
If you have succeeded in copying our style and make-up. Congratulations!
Dear Elmo,
You're just like Justin Bieber. I always think you're a boy. then I hear you talk, and I change my mind.
Dear person who can't stop sneezing,
BLESS YOU ALREADY!
Dear Mulan,
If I watch the movie backwards, it tells the story of a decorated war hero who goes back home to get a sex change.
Dear ex-boyfriend,
I bet you feel really stupid for dumping me now.
Dear guy who just called me a lesbian,
Yes I am.
Dear Obama,
I'm not sure we can fix it...
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