Don't have sex. You will get chlamydia and die.
Sincerely, Coach Carr
Dear public school kids,
...and you think your sex ed is awkward
Sincerely, homeschooled with a pregnant mother
Crayons are a lot like M & M's; all the colors taste the same.
Sincerely, Just a Friendly Warning
Dear guy trying to make miscarriage jokes to me,
Please realize you're really ignorant and need to shut up.
Sincerely, supposed to be a mommy...
Dear "How would you like to die?",
I want to fall asleep peacefully, like my grandfather did.
Sincerely, not screaming in terror like his passengers...
Please don't cry. I'm only leaving you because G.I. Joe understands me more...
Dear Peter pan,
You call it pixie dust, I call it crack!
Sincerely, either way we both get pretty high
Dear Health Teacher,
Thank you for informing us that "Consuming too much alcohol usually causes you to vomit out of your mouth."
Sincerely, really? Thought I vomited out of my butt...
People are a lot like Crayons; all the colours taste the same.
Sincerely, Hannibal Lecter.
Dear friend whom I don't know very well,
Please forgive me for being awkward around you. You didn't do anything wrong...
Sincerely, ...I just had an erotic dream about you last night
Dear Top Hooker,
Oh, you're a fishing competition!
Sincerely, I totally thought you were about something else!
Dear male nurse who handed me over to a female nurse so that it wouldn't be awkward when he put EKG sensors on my chest,
Please realize that having a female do this is even more awkward.
Dear Nutella I just got on my elbow,
Thanks for the help. Turns out all you need is proper motivation.
Sincerely, Licked it.
Dear person checking behind the curtain for serial killers,
DO YOU MIND?!?
Sincerely, serial killer trying to take a shower