Dear bird outside my window,
Please shut the fuck up. It is 2 in the goddamn morning, and some of us, like me perhaps, are trying to sleep. I get it, you are going against the grain and be a fucking nocturnal bird instead of a normal sweet diurnal bird, but you need to shut the hell up. I do not know what kind of bird cocain or bird amphetamines you are on to stay awake all night but not all of us have access to bird drug dealers and so we do not have the energy that you seem to have. If you refuse to shut up, then I shall make it my mission that every time I see you sleeping in that tiny little nest in the tree outside my window I will scream at you and wake your fat feathery ass up so you will understand what it feels like to have some annoying bitch squawking at you when you are trying to sleep. That is all.
Sincerely, Fuck you very much, A Tired Queen
Please make it so that an animal that has been named with a name tag can't despawn.
Sincerely, tired of respawning Jebediah the cow
Dear alarm clock,
Just because you're out of battery, does not mean it's acceptable for you to not go off when I need you to
Sincerely, late for work
And I suppose… if it's my one last chance to say it I…
Sincerely, fades away
I'm sorry he broke up with you. You know I have an axe, right?
Sincerely, we'll chop up the sweaters.
When I ask "How are you?" or "How've you been?" and you respond with good, then ask the same of me, don't be shocked when I say evil.
Sincerely, It's I've been well.
I was wrong. I was wrong about racism in America. I know that now, and I'm ready to make a change. I just wanted you to know that I've learned so much, and there IS hope.
Sincerely, white girl who finally realized her privilege
Dear US family held hostage by a cat,
Really? It's a cat. Put a laundry basket on it, toss a toy, kick it, lock it in a room, throw a towel over it, toss it out into the hall. It's just a cat!
You get to poop on people's cars and get away with it?
Sincerely, the one time I did it.....
Dear Cleaning industries,
Make a disinfectant that kills .01% of germs, and then tell the buyer to buy your other disinfectant that kills 99.99% of germs and use them together to kill all of the germs.
Sincerely, I'd buy it...
1 in 5 American's still believe that the Sun revolves around the Earth.
Sincerely, I'm sorry.
Dear sex Ed,
Please let me keep my innocence a little longer. I'm not ready for this.
Sincerely, 10th grader who likes being innocent
Quit acting like every girl I date is a gold digger trying to get at my money. You think I wouldn't recognize that?
Sincerely, at least you accept your little girl for what she is
Please stop sending books
Sincerely, all people in war over religion