Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear teens,
Don't have sex. You will get chlamydia and die.
Dear public school kids,
...and you think your sex ed is awkward
Dear Society,
Crayons are a lot like M & M's; all the colors taste the same.
Dear guy trying to make miscarriage jokes to me,
Please realize you're really ignorant and need to shut up.
Dear "How would you like to die?",
I want to fall asleep peacefully, like my grandfather did.
Dear Barbie,
Please don't cry. I'm only leaving you because G.I. Joe understands me more...
Dear Peter pan,
You call it pixie dust, I call it crack!
Dear Health Teacher,
Thank you for informing us that "Consuming too much alcohol usually causes you to vomit out of your mouth."
Dear society,
People are a lot like Crayons; all the colours taste the same.
Dear friend whom I don't know very well,
Please forgive me for being awkward around you. You didn't do anything wrong...
Dear Top Hooker,
Oh, you're a fishing competition!
Dear male nurse who handed me over to a female nurse so that it wouldn't be awkward when he put EKG sensors on my chest,
Please realize that having a female do this is even more awkward.
Dear Nutella I just got on my elbow,
Thanks for the help. Turns out all you need is proper motivation.
Dear person checking behind the curtain for serial killers,
DO YOU MIND?!?
Dear anyone whose interested,
If you say "beer can" with a British accent, you're saying "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
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