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Dear table of loudly bragging frat boys,
Oh please, give it a rest. Do you see the 40-something gentleman with the gray beard, sitting quietly at the table in the corner? I promise, he got more action this weekend than all of you.
Dear Trump Haters,
Please Educate yourselves and don't listen to everything the liberal media spoon feeds you.
Dear World,
Just because I am American, it does not mean I am fat, stupid, gun-toting, racist, homophobic, or generally ignorant. Please don't hate me for my country's stereotypes.
Dear Highschool,
In first grade, popularity was determined by three things: how much you had written in your journal, how many "special colours" you had in your crayon box, and how well you could draw a race car.
Dear psychologist,
I don't have several personality disorders, I don't suffer from extreme delusions and I'm not paranoid. I'm just screwing with your head, and THAT, my dear Watson, is my actual problem.
Dear "Violence is always wrong",
My neck still hurts from the last time I tried to kill myself. And when I came back from the hospital, the first thing I heard was: "So you didn't manage to kill yourself this time either? No wonder your mommy's ashamed of you!"
Dear woman plopping some bombs in the stall next to me,
I gotchu.
Dear "best friend",
Please stop telling me to use short dresses or skirts and go out to the club with you. You know I can't because my scars will show. I told you because I trusted you and I thought you'd understand.
Dear Gamer girls,
Please Imagine you're in a supermarket, and a guy walks up to you and says, "Hi, I'm a guy who can cook!", then goes on to brag about how he can make mac & cheese, instant noodles, and microwave pies.
Dear guy friend,
Remember when I said I wasn't looking for a relationship?
Dear loving older sister,
I didn't understand why you wanted me to give the creepy quiet guy who hit on me a chance, but i thank you. Never in a million years would i ever expect for him to be my one and only, but you did. He loves me so much and got me out of a depressive rut in my life. He is the love of my life and you are the best sister ever.
Dear workers at fast food restaurants and grocery stores,
I'm not judging you, I've just always look angry.
Dear Boy,
I thought you said that music was your life and I was the melody? Did you skip a beat because suddenly I'm not with you.
Dear "you're culturally appropriative",
Yes, 50% of my diet is Chinese food, and I picked up certain Cantonese phrases (mainly swear words) that I use on a daily basis. I work in a Chinese restaurant, you twat, what did you expect?
Dear Virgins,
Stop worrying about what others think. It's not a freakin' pin cushion, and it will happen when you're ready.
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