Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Will.I.Am,
Please name your son Sam.
Dear Disney Princesses,
How do you all speak English??
Dear little sister,
I told you not to feed your sick goldfish Advil.
Ark Diary Day 67,
Griffins are freaking delicious
Dear person yelling shotgun,
Rosa Parks
Dear air freshener,
"Do not spray directly onto throat "
Dear guy who held his newborn son up Lion King style,
You do know that in the movie it was Rafiki the doctor and not Mufasa the father who held Simba up, right?
Dear guys everywhere,
No, sir, your balls are not bigger then mine. Mine were so big that they had to be put on my chest to avoid chaffing.
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
Boo, you whore.
Dear guys,
Sorry I don't put any meat in my mouth.
Dear girl in my chem class.,
Do you have 11 protons?
Dear math teacher,
Sorry I couldn't do my math homework. My uncle's sister-in-law's best friend's roomate's insurance agent's gardener's goldfish died.
Dear parents writing their will,
I promise that comment was not directed at you. There was a beetle in the carpet.
Dear robber,
Please note that the door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine.
Dear hipsters,
If you think about it, God was the original hipster. He existed before existence even existed
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