SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear bird outside my window,
Please shut the fuck up. It is 2 in the goddamn morning, and some of us, like me perhaps, are trying to sleep. I get it, you are going against the grain and be a fucking nocturnal bird instead of a normal sweet diurnal bird, but you need to shut the hell up. I do not know what kind of bird cocain or bird amphetamines you are on to stay awake all night but not all of us have access to bird drug dealers and so we do not have the energy that you seem to have. If you refuse to shut up, then I shall make it my mission that every time I see you sleeping in that tiny little nest in the tree outside my window I will scream at you and wake your fat feathery ass up so you will understand what it feels like to have some annoying bitch squawking at you when you are trying to sleep. That is all.
Dear Minecraft,
Please make it so that an animal that has been named with a name tag can't despawn.
Dear alarm clock,
Just because you're out of battery, does not mean it's acceptable for you to not go off when I need you to
Dear Rose,
And I suppose… if it's my one last chance to say it I…
Dear Daughter,,
I'm sorry he broke up with you. You know I have an axe, right?
Dear friends,
When I ask "How are you?" or "How've you been?" and you respond with good, then ask the same of me, don't be shocked when I say evil.
Dear people,
I was wrong. I was wrong about racism in America. I know that now, and I'm ready to make a change. I just wanted you to know that I've learned so much, and there IS hope.
Dear US family held hostage by a cat,
Really? It's a cat. Put a laundry basket on it, toss a toy, kick it, lock it in a room, throw a towel over it, toss it out into the hall. It's just a cat!
Dear birds,
You get to poop on people's cars and get away with it?
Dear Cleaning industries,
Make a disinfectant that kills .01% of germs, and then tell the buyer to buy your other disinfectant that kills 99.99% of germs and use them together to kill all of the germs.
Dear world,
1 in 5 American's still believe that the Sun revolves around the Earth.
Dear sex Ed,
Please let me keep my innocence a little longer. I'm not ready for this.
Dear Dad,
Quit acting like every girl I date is a gold digger trying to get at my money. You think I wouldn't recognize that?
Dear God,
Please stop sending books
Dear boy who walks with me after math class,
No, I did not know that giraffes die if they throw up.
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