If I put 6 locks on my door and leave every other one unlocked, then you will constantly be trying to pick all the locks...
Dear person reading this,
Sincerely, you didn't see the 'banana' did you? ;)
Dear teacher who said "no offense" when you called me a Negro,
I'm only half black.
Sincerely, only half offended.
Dear Dancing with the Stars,
Your name is really misleading...
Sincerely, expecting a science documentary about our milky way.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Sincerely, creeped out.
Dear lady wearing shorts and a bikini top,
This is Target, not Walmart.
Sincerely, please put some clothes on!
Dear hand sanitizer,
Sincerely, paper-cut on my hand that I forgot about.
Dear lazy daughter,
Yes, texting plus facebook does equal textbook. You'll know another kind of facebook when I slap you across the face with an Oxford Dictionary.
Sincerely, no one likes a smart-aleck.
If I watch you backwards, you're a movie about a magical ship that brings a thousand people back to life and they all have a great party and go to England. THE END!!!
Dear people of America,
I am a white, straight, gun-owning, conservative male.
Sincerely, how else can I piss you off today?
Dear sister who drank out of the milk carton with flavored chap stick on,
Oh my! That was gross.
Sincerely, what a disappointment.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.
Dear German exchange student,
Well, this awkward...
Sincerely, learning about the Holocaust.
Thank you for not serving hotdogs. I don't think I could order a super-sized McWeiner with a straight face.
Sincerely, all teenagers.