Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear robbers,
If I put 6 locks on my door and leave every other one unlocked, then you will constantly be trying to pick all the locks...
Dear person reading this,
Hahahahahahabananahahahahaha
Dear teacher who said "no offense" when you called me a Negro,
I'm only half black.
Dear Dancing with the Stars,
Your name is really misleading...
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Dear lady wearing shorts and a bikini top,
This is Target, not Walmart.
Dear hand sanitizer,
OWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIE OW!!!!
Dear lazy daughter,
Yes, texting plus facebook does equal textbook. You'll know another kind of facebook when I slap you across the face with an Oxford Dictionary.
Dear Titanic,
If I watch you backwards, you're a movie about a magical ship that brings a thousand people back to life and they all have a great party and go to England. THE END!!!
Dear people of America,
I am a white, straight, gun-owning, conservative male.
Dear sister who drank out of the milk carton with flavored chap stick on,
Oh my! That was gross.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Dear German exchange student,
Well, this awkward...
Dear McDonalds,
Thank you for not serving hotdogs. I don't think I could order a super-sized McWeiner with a straight face.
Dear Ariel,
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
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