Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear car owner,
I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder instead.
Dear student,
Please don't wave a stack of money in my face and tell me you went to a strip club the night before; clearly, I'm going to think you earned that money on the pole; just saying...
Dear doctor,
I know you're busy removing my stitches, but your arm is leaning on my boob.
Dear gay gynecologist,
Why would you ever want to be in this field?
Dear roommates,
Please stop reading so much Harry Potter. It has apparently lead you to believe that we have a house elf that goes around taking out the trash, washing the dishes, paying the bills, and unloading the dishwasher.
Dear unborn child,
I can promise you that no matter how hard you kick, you're not getting out for a while.
Dear parents,
How can I "shoot for the stars" and be "down to earth" at the same time?
Dear daughter,
You shouldn't be worried about the long, blonde hair you found on your boyfriend's ascot. Remember he has three blonde sisters. Although, you should be worried that your boyfriend owns and wears an ascot.
Dear people who think friend-zoned is bad,
Try cousin-zoned.
Dear bald people,
Do you wash your head with shampoo or soap?
Dear Kermit,
You're right, it isn't easy being green.
Dear girl wearing a white dress to prom,
I am taking you to prom and not to the alter, right?
Dear baby fat,
Please migrate to my boobs soon.
Dear dumb me,
Please sustain from eating the super hot salsa and chips at Mexican restaurants until your drink has arrived.
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