Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
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THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear guy who just asked how I like my eggs in the morning,
Unfertilized.
Dear boyfriend,
The only reason I'm making you this sandwich is becuase I broke your Xbox last night when you didnt come home.
Dear ex-boyfriend who thinks he's so cool because he dissed me through a poem,
Roses are red, violets are blue. God made me beautiful, but what happened to you?
Dear society,
Holocaust jokes are not funny.
Dear man who thought the world would end in May,
So you reviewed your math, and you were five months off? Now the world is ending in October? Wow, the people who sold their house because of you are probably pissed!
Dear rude customer,
Enjoy the "special" sauce.
Dear girls,
If you know that you get cold at nighttime, why don't you ever bring your jacket?
Dear homework,
I'm saving myself for marriage...
Dear boyfriend,
I have seen your girlfriend in the shower!
Dear questioning trick or treaters,
I'm a cat burglar.
Dear Neutrogena,
Pimples may disappear, but eye color doesn't change.
Dear vegetarians,
Gee, thanks. Since when am I not an animal?
Dear screaming Twilight fan-girls,
Go occupy Forks. They could use the revenue and I could use the peace and quiet.
Dear Pinochio,
So all I have to do is lie?
Dear sheep I saw huddled together in a pasture off the side of the road,
So, what's the game plan?
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