Dear Married Men,
Because Me not being able to control my blood flow is TOTALLY grounds for you to break your marriage vows, cheat on someone you claim to love and commit an immoral, senseless and disgusting act.
Sincerely, Unmarried woman who would rather die alone than face that BS.
Dear bank account holders,
That awkward moment when you walk into a bank, and you recognize a teller working there but you don't want them to know how much money you have so you walk out the bank and go to another branch.
Sincerely, some things are just very personal
I once had an ex-convict, who spent 11 years of his 40 year old life in prison, tell me I was disturbed.
Sincerely, Oh, the irony!
I suggested we meet at a bistro, and you asked if that was a pub.
Sincerely, dumb blonde moment
Dear Hyde Park of Chicago,
You are the nicest predominantly (and historically) Black neighborhood on the south side of Chicago. I'd like to think that the good quality of the area has little to do with the world-renowned University of Chicago, but something tells me that U of C plays a big part in it.
Sincerely, I can live in Hyde Park for life
Wanna hear a jokey joke? Ok here it goes: Why did MLK always get his wife roses? Because he was non-violet.
Sincerely, hardy har har
Dear Uncircumcised Guys,
I don't want an anteater anywhere near me.
Sincerely, Women everywhere
We got the millennials and the 90's kids, what are we called?
Sincerely, people born in the year 2000
You're amazing in bed.
Sincerely, practicing safe sex by masturbating
Dear awesome father of mine,
Please teach my brother sex ed like you did with me. You took an extra-small condom and taped it to opposite sides of a room, then hung yourself by your ankles with it, explaining that condoms can never be 'too small'. I hope I can be as awesome as you one day.
Sincerely, your eldest (and very entertained) son.
Dear porn stars,
I admire you because of how suck-cessful you are.
Sincerely, porn lover
Dear ex-boyfriend whose now dating my younger sister,
If I find one hair out of place on her head, I will mess you up.
Sincerely, your ex-girlfriend
Dear white guys,
I know some of you like to think you're so funny and cool but I've got news for you: you're just a snarky douchebag.
Sincerely, black woman who thinks that black guys are the funniest
Dear Married Women,
If you cannot control your hormones for the entire month don't expect us to either.
Sincerely, Married Men