Thank you for staining every single sheet, blanket and pair of underwear that I own.
Sincerely, It looks like Tigger murdered Pooh on my bed.
Dear "consider us",
Please understand the military is overfull and cutting back because so many people already did and they are kicking people out but the buttload because of it
Sincerely, someone who did and paid for it
Dear "how did cave women deal with your periods",
Please same way you do
Sincerely, tampons and pads aren't rocket science
Dear best friend,
Don't worry about your Prince Charming, I've taken care of that.
Sincerely, your best friend who just kidnapped him for you
You'd best be ready for the mother of all prankings when you get here, O brother of mine. You will not believe who I've been chatting with...
Dear mother who just took my phone away,
Oh god no. Please don't read my messages between me and this random cute guy I met in New Zealand.
Sincerely, I need a password...
Please shut up. If I walk around singing "Let it Go", it might not be because of my kid, it might just have gotten stuck in my head after we watched it together 3 times in a row. And if I'm wearing a fairy band-aid, it might be because I like Tink, as well as because I had an ouchy. And yes, it made me feel better.
Sincerely, she kissed it for me too.
Dear Lil' Sebastian,
We miss you in the saddest fashion
Sincerely, You're 5,000 candles in the wind
Dear older kids in the hallway.,
Please acknowledge the fact that we are existent as well and that there is a reason the hallway is so wide.
Sincerely, tired of having a mini heart attack every time the bell rings and I'm in the hallway.
Please move Minecraft's engine from the resource sucking Java to the much better DirectX. And while you're at it, could you please optimize the game for multi core CPUs? There is no excuse for the game to use only four cores on a six core CPU and then shove 80% of the load onto only one of those four, while the remaining three get the rest.
Sincerely, longtime Minecraft player
Dear Nicki Minaj,
Thank you for teaching me that anacondas like bread.
Sincerely, South America, here I come!
Please stop it. I am terrified.
Sincerely, Frightened Teen
Dear Star Trek nerds,
If you get married dressed as Klingons, do you have to dress as Klingons again to file for divorce?
Sincerely, or maybe you have to dress as Romulans instead...
Dear fifteen-year-old Australian girl who has been in private schools since prep,
No, Captain Cook was not a monkey. Evolution of humans from apes was a bit earlier than the late 1700s.
Sincerely, the kid who had to sit next to you in humanities class all of last year