Please name your son Sam.
Dear Disney Princesses,
How do you all speak English??
Sincerely, Belle is French, Pocahontas is Native American, and Ariel lives under freaking water.
Dear little sister,
I told you not to feed your sick goldfish Advil.
Sincerely, this is the last time I am giving the toilet funeral ceremony.
Ark Diary Day 67,
Griffins are freaking delicious
Dear person yelling shotgun,
Sincerely, not getting up
Dear air freshener,
"Do not spray directly onto throat "
Dear guy who held his newborn son up Lion King style,
You do know that in the movie it was Rafiki the doctor and not Mufasa the father who held Simba up, right?
Sincerely, the doctor who delivered your baby (now gimme gimme gimme!)
Dear guys everywhere,
No, sir, your balls are not bigger then mine. Mine were so big that they had to be put on my chest to avoid chaffing.
Sincerely, a classy lady.
Dear Lindsay Lohan,
Boo, you whore.
Sincerely, Regina George
Sorry I don't put any meat in my mouth.
Sincerely, a vegetarian
Dear girl in my chem class.,
Do you have 11 protons?
Sincerely, you are sodium fine.
Dear math teacher,
Sorry I couldn't do my math homework. My uncle's sister-in-law's best friend's roomate's insurance agent's gardener's goldfish died.
Sincerely, it was tragic.....
Dear parents writing their will,
I promise that comment was not directed at you. There was a beetle in the carpet.
Sincerely, DIE FOUL CREATURE!!!!!!
Please note that the door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine.
Sincerely, the guy calling an ambulance and the police for you