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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear American,
Please dont make this any harder
Dear Mother Nature,
I think you are going through menopause.
Dear Jean Valjean,
Next time you want to escape from Javert I will let you borrow my invisibility cloak.
Dear Crushes,
We hope you read these anonymous messages and ask us out.
Dear single people of the world,
Please understand that you will not meet the person of your dreams while you are drunk at a bar.
Dear "Perks of being a Wallflower",
After watching you, I am concluding that there are no perks...
Dear teachers,
Winners do use drugs. Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, and Charlie Sheen... You're going to have to think of some other way to keep us from using drugs.
Dear cars stuck in traffic,
I like to movie it, move it! She likes to move it, move it! He likes to move it, move it. You like to MOVE IT!
Dear people who think I'm serious,
It's called sarcasm....
Dear society,
I used to be in a relationship with a girl who would slap me all the time in public, call me worthless and would spit at me during sex. Every person I asked for help just laughed at me. Thanks for nothing.
Dear men who don't understand lesbian sex,
If you don't understand what we do intimately, I feel bad for your girlfriends...
Dear modeling agency,
My selfie just got 34 likes. I'm ready to go pro.
Dear people of the world,
Love everyone.
Dear Boys,
Please know that you will win me over by quoting Harry Potter or of course by making the perfect love potion, Amortentia.
Dear slaves,
Your job is to give me the tunaz, clean my bathroom, let me in and out as I wish, but do not dare touch me with your filthy paws!
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