Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear kids who snuck in and jumped in my pool last night,
Next time, you might want to do it in the day time.
Dear Jesus,
Want your holidays back?
Dear mom who just texted me GTTSBBSDITF,
Who in their right mind could ever figure out that it means "Gone To The Store, Be Back Soon. Dinner's In The Fridge?!"
Dear people who make comments about fourth graders' relationship statuses on Facebook,
.....Why are you friends with a fourth grader to begin with?
Dear people who say nothing is impossible,
So I can ride my dinosaur to cotton candy land and get a pet unicorn...
Dear Mom,
Rememer how you told me that you wish I was more like Heather from school? Because Heather runs track, lost 40 pounds, gets asked to dances all the time and now has a cute boyfriend? Well, if it's any interest to you, today Heather dropped out of school because she's three months pregnant and needs to get a full time job at McDonald's to support herself and the baby.
Dear tampon companies,
Please make an "I'm bleeding to death" absorbancy.
Dear cute girl,
I can be a douchebag boyfriend who abuses you on a daily basis too, you know. Give me a try.
Dear Lady Gaga,
I lost a lot of respect for you when you called Adele fat. I thought you were anti-bullying?
Dear Jersey Shore,
Please give me my little sister back.
Dear cashier,
The condoms are for a science class experiment, the whipped cream is for the pumpkin pie and the pregnancy test is for my Aunt.
Dear duct tape,
Please tell me, if silence is golden, then why are you silver?
Dear government,
Please stop referring to my deafness as a disability. If anything, it's made my life better. Also, stop calling it hearing loss, I never lost it and I'm not going to find it any time soon...
Dear World,
Please stop arguing over whether or not it hurts more to give birth or be kicked in the balls. We have a clear winner.
Dear girl who laughs at me for wearing a purity ring,
I heard your pregnant...?
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