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Dear People overusing the word "friendzoned",
you haven't been friendzoned until you actually tell them you like them.
Dear Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, and Snow White,
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for you to find out like this!
Dear artless coxcomb who said Shakespeare had no swag,
Shakespeare practically invented swag, the word comes from swagger, and Shakespeare used it in his 1596 play; a Midsummer Night's Dream. "What hempen homespuns have we swaggering here?" So yes, Shakespeare did in fact have swag and he's had swag since the 1500's.
Dear gangsters,
You do know that "swag" is an ornamental festoon of flowers, fruit, or greenery, right?
Dear boss who said "Send some faxes...like a boss",
I never want to leave this job.
Dear Prince Charming,
Why did you kiss Snow White if you thought she was dead?
Dear math teacher,
well this is awkward.
Dear Society,
If you want me to be chivalrous, why did you invent automatic doors? What am I supposed to do? Leave my foot on the sensor for you?
Dear Vegetarians,
Yes, this deer could be Bambi's mother, but that cucumber could be Larry.
Dear "Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!",
No, but I do kiss your wife.
Dear Prince Charming,
You really didn't think we'd find out? It's time to chose buddy!
Dear History Teacher,
Kind of ironic I failed my presentation by not being loud enough.
Dear British guys looking for advice on how to get girls,
1: Go to an American classroom. 2: Say some stereotypical British things.
Dear winter,
Thank you for making my breath visible.
Dear "teams",
There is no team Edward, no team Jacob, no team Potter, no team Gale or Peeta. There isn't even a team guy who almost hit Bella with a car.
THIS IS PAGE 3
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