Please teach with the mic off. I am sleeping here.
Sincerely, Student trying to find some peace.
Dear Future son I may have one day,
Please know if I name you Edward it because of Elric and not Cullen.
Sincerely, Your parent
Dear Medical Terminology Prof,
Please refrain from staring down the only girl in your classroom when discussing male reproduction and masturbation in addition to a multitude of crass jokes in order to "make the pretty girl smile". It doesn't work like that.
Sincerely, And here I thought men matured after they turned 75...
Please stop leaving your pad wrappers all over our shared bathroom floor. I know you have monthly... things... but I'd rather not wade through a half-inch carpet of paper to take a piss. I don't leave the tissues I use all ove the place.
Sincerely, brother who shouldn't need to deal with your trash
Dear classmate who loves Shakespeare,
Please stop insulting anyone who doesn't like Shakespeare. Yes, most of us can understand it and no, we still don't like it. You being a fan is okay. You saying we are idiots and don't understand enough to like it is not on. Even if someone didn't understand, calling them an idiot is definitely not the way to get them to appreciate Shakespeare. In fact, it could do the exact opposite. Oh, someone in today's age struggles with the language Shakespeare used? Big fucking whoop. Of course someone might struggle (and that's not even thinking about people with learning disabilities, asshole) in understanding a language from a DIFFERENT TIME PERIOD! Shut up about how you are a special snowflake because only you understand Shakespeare (you are not) and shoving the belief that everyone must absolutely love reading Shakespeare. The girl you just got up for helping 'Shakespeare haters'? Maybe you should follow her lead. She loves Shakespeare just as much as you do. She's just not an ass about it.
Sincerely, Classmate you insulted
Dear "curiosity killed the cat",
What the hell was your cat doing on mars?
If you want me to learn to do something that you like doing, you should have to learn to do something that I like doing that requires a similar skill level.
Sincerely, Your Wife
Dear people who want a $15/hr minimum wage,
If it's for our military men and women, yes. For everyone else, there's this thing called a budget
Sincerely, a part-time college student who's sick of hearing about that $%#@!
Dear other men,
Please realize that you should have no say in women's reproductive choices, and it is perverse that you insist otherwise.
Sincerely, A man
Please stop with the gender roles. I live in a constant struggle between wanting a strong man to keep me safe and wanting to be a strong independent woman who don't need no man.
Sincerely, Can I be a princess knight? Is that a thing?
Dear people complaining about high school,
I hope things get better. It did for me.
Sincerely, a person who enjoys high school (middle school was the worst!)
Dear people who make a lot of generalizations,
Please understand that, generally, making a large number of generalizations is a bad idea. However, if you precede your generalization with the adverb, "generally," then (generally) what you say will be perceived as less offensive.
Sincerely, a sarcastic stranger
Dear people who lump me with Snow White and Sleeping Beauty,
Please realise I did not go to the Ball to find love, it just so happened that I found my love there. I just really really wanted to go to that ball and have a fun night away from the house.
Thanks for getting me into reading.