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Dear buyers,
Welcome! Our sizes are small, extra small, and anorexic. Our prices are high, higher, and OMG you're in debt!
Dear Person using the Big Bang Theory to study for Biology,
I am a theoretical physicist. Not a biologist.
Dear robber,
Please note that the door you just kicked in was locked for your protection, not mine.
Dear hipsters,
If you think about it, God was the original hipster. He existed before existence even existed
Dear 'it's all fun and games until somebody loses an eyeball',
Then it's a new game, 'FIND THE EYEBALL!'
Dear "Do you surf to school?",
That or we ride our pet dolphins.
Dear Parents,
I've been struggling to get my license since 1999. Which makes me at least 29, and still working in a fast food place. And you're still letting your kids watch me?
Dear people who ask if I don't eat meat because I love animals,
No, it's because I hate plants
Dear Ceiling Fan,
Was it really necessary to decapitate the Angel?
Dear my milkshakes bring all the boys to the yard,
And I'm like...
Dear monkey,
Thanks SO much for having your penis out at the zoo today. THAT was fun to explain to the kids I babysit.
Dear Seniors,
Freshmen are friends, not food.
Dear world,
No no no, guys...I said I hate FIGS!
Dear person who said sports make guys 600% hotter,
Please realize boys in Marching band are really good with their fingers and mouths
Dear peanut butter and jelly:,
I only use you together, and your jars are the same size. Why don't you run out at the same time?
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