Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear man on the train,
Please look before you sit
Dear people who say "I've watched enough episodes of CSI to kill you and get away with it",
And I've watched enough episodes of Law and Order to make sure you don't,
Dear Everyone,
If con is the opposite of pro, then what's the opposite of constitution?
Dear Nursery Rhymes,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jill forgot to take her pill and now they have a daughter."
Dear mom who just screwed up my medical form,
So I have asthma bronchitis cancer and I'm pregnant?
Dear Kay Jewelers,
Every kiss does NOT begin with K.
Dear PETA,
I agree. Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Dear people looking at me weird,
What? you haven't seen a 14 year old girl with a cape and a viking helmet ride freely on a trike before?
Dear Society,
I'm not single.
Dear girl coughing obnoxiously in class,
Please note that we all helped to sneak the cough drop across the room so that you could shove it in your mouth.
Dear broken iPhone,,
I did not want to text "Be there after sex."
Dear people who point to their wrist when their asking about the time,
Do you point to your butt when your asking where the toilet is?
Dear classmates,
Thank you for believing me when I tell you that every day I sing and dance in my high school just like in high school musical.
Dear snotty girl at school,
Please stop with the "really hot" suspenders.
Dear Buckingham Palace guards,
Why so serious?
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