Dear men who don't understand lesbian sex,
If you don't understand what we do intimately, I feel bad for your girlfriends...
Sincerely, lesbians - girls who know what girls want
Winners do use drugs. Lance Armstrong, Michael Phelps, and Charlie Sheen... You're going to have to think of some other way to keep us from using drugs.
Sincerely, your experimental students
Dear cars stuck in traffic,
I like to movie it, move it! She likes to move it, move it! He likes to move it, move it. You like to MOVE IT!
Sincerely, King Julien
You're beautiful, intelligent and perfect just the way you are.
Sincerely, Ryan Gosling
Romeo and Juliet had sex, and then they DIED.
Sincerely, Coach Carr.
Dear people of the world,
Please know that you will win me over by quoting Harry Potter or of course by making the perfect love potion, Amortentia.
Sincerely, Girl Potterheads
Dear girls trying to think of a Halloween costume,
Everybody, everybody, everybody wants to be a cat!
Sincerely, I know you love the Aristocats, but think of something more original!
Dear porn site,
No, I will not "like" you on Facebook!
Sincerely, someone with common sense
Your job is to give me the tunaz, clean my bathroom, let me in and out as I wish, but do not dare touch me with your filthy paws!
Sincerely, cats everywhere
The three-year-olds I babysit are better at compromising than you. Maybe you need a spanking!
Sincerely, the babysitter
I used to be in a relationship with a girl who would slap me all the time in public, call me worthless and would spit at me during sex. Every person I asked for help just laughed at me. Thanks for nothing.
Sincerely, a man failed by you
Dear modeling agency,
My selfie just got 34 likes. I'm ready to go pro.
Sincerely, white girls everywhere.
Dear fellow teens,
Know that in twenty years from now it won't matter what clothes you wore, what sports you played or how many people had a crush on you. What matters will be your kindness, intelligence and hard-work.
Sincerely, the nerds