Thank you for not serving hotdogs. I don't think I could order a super-sized McWeiner with a straight face.
Sincerely, all teenagers.
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Sincerely, it's true...
Dear Nanny McPhee,
You're just an ugly version of me.
Sincerely, Mary Poppins.
Dear Michael Buble,
Please don't sing Santa Baby.
Sincerely, it was not made for a male to sing.
Dear movie makers,
Now that you've done sparkling vampires, time to do glow-in-the-dark zombies.
Sincerely, it only makes sense...
Dear olive oil,
Sincerely, extra-virgin olive oil.
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Sincerely, Cell Phone.
Dear wild cherry Pepsi,
Is there a domestic cherry Pepsi?
Sincerely, just wondering.
Dear tampon companies,
Is it really necessary to have the warning "Always remove the last tampon at the end of your period" printed on the box?
Sincerely, don't tell me people are that stupid.
Dear indecisive friends,
How about you play "Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock" to decide?
Sincerely, your friend who watches The Big Bang Theory.
Dear Psychology class,
Thanks for the tips.
Sincerely, using operant conditioning on my roommates.
Dear football players,
You may make the cheerleaders show up but we decide when they dance.
Dear girls who use the period excuse every gym class,
I think you need to see a doctor if you have your period this much.
Sincerely, even as a male gym teacher, I had to take a few classes about the body.