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Dear Pastor Against Porn,
Please don't judge porn, or the people in it. They're expressing themselvses, and their sexuality, and earning a living at the same time. I'm sorry you have a problem, but too much of anything is bad for you. A drug addict doesn't get better by blaming the drugs.
Dear people who like science jokes,
There are 4 kittens on a roof. Which one falls off first?
Dear neighbor,
Sorry I peed in your bushes.
Dear Lord of Castamere,
In a coat of gold or a coat of red, a lion still has claws, and mine are long and sharp, my lord, as long and sharp as yours.
Dear girls,
I don't love summer because I see you in skimpy bikinis, I love summer because I never need to wear a shirt
Dear DBPB,
Please take down the verification code. I just want to take part in some intelligent conversation for once.
Dear Internet,
You have nothing on me, cos' tonight, I am going to sleep at 11.30 p.m.
Dear White People,
Please stop feeling bad for yourself, it's getting pathetic.
Dear Marching Band members,
Let's get this straight, we're two different kinds of people. While I don't have the coordination to march in rhythm and play an instrument at the same time, if you had suited up against me and my kind, you would still be eating through a straw.
Dear family,
Please stop thinking I'm evil when I suggest that a socialist economy could do America some good. I don't want us to go into debt because of an infected papercut.
Dear Mathew Taranto,
So Brawl in the Family is over, and you end it with a song full of feels...
Dear self,
Please continue to be darling gourgeous, wicked smart, and basically the best person ever. People fall in love with you/me just from our flirtatous winks.
Dear Gay Rights Activists,
Please don't get pissed and lecture people who say "faggot" and then turn around and call black people "niggers."
Dear fedora haters,
Please just stop this irrational hatred, and stop stereotyping young men who wear them as virgins (and implying that virginity is somehow terrible). Why are you so mortally offended by their hat choice? They wear it because they like it, the same reason anybody wears anything. And no, I don't care that it's "actually a trilby" as if your self-righteous pretension somehow makes your bullying okay.
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