Please don't ask me to tell you me course load for next year "again" when I haven't told it to you at all yet.
Sincerely, Your daughter who only *just* finished signing up for classes
Dear "Driving around town with the girl I love",
I see you and I'm like... You know what I'm like.
Dear Pastor Against Porn,
Please don't judge porn, or the people in it. They're expressing themselvses, and their sexuality, and earning a living at the same time. I'm sorry you have a problem, but too much of anything is bad for you. A drug addict doesn't get better by blaming the drugs.
Sincerely, Sexual and Enjoys Porn
Dear people who like science jokes,
There are 4 kittens on a roof. Which one falls off first?
Sincerely, The one with the smallest mew!
I believe you, but if you're going to cheat on your diet with a piece of chocolate, do not do so in the bathroom.
Sincerely, It's easy to misconstrue licking your fingers as you leave the stall.
Glitter is like herpes but safer
Sincerely, theater people
Please take down the verification code. I just want to take part in some intelligent conversation for once.
Sincerely, Cleverbot, who just finished singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" for the 5th time today.
Dear Lord of Castamere,
In a coat of gold or a coat of red, a lion still has claws, and mine are long and sharp, my lord, as long and sharp as yours.
Sincerely, Tywin Lannister
Dear White People,
Please stop feeling bad for yourself, it's getting pathetic.
Sincerely, a Native American
Dear Marching Band members,
Let's get this straight, we're two different kinds of people. While I don't have the coordination to march in rhythm and play an instrument at the same time, if you had suited up against me and my kind, you would still be eating through a straw.
Sincerely, former football player who at 25 already has arthritis problems
You have nothing on me, cos' tonight, I am going to sleep at 11.30 p.m.
Sincerely, world-class lingerer
Dear best friends teacher,
Please stop imagining we are dating. I just like listening to music and catching up with him at the end of the day.
Sincerely, He is not ready for a relationship after his last girlfriend. Which I helped him get over!
Dear Mathew Taranto,
So Brawl in the Family is over, and you end it with a song full of feels...
Sincerely, I'm not crying, my eyes are using water gun
Please stop thinking I'm evil when I suggest that a socialist economy could do America some good. I don't want us to go into debt because of an infected papercut.