Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear baby fat,
Please migrate to my boobs soon.
Dear dumb me,
Please sustain from eating the super hot salsa and chips at Mexican restaurants until your drink has arrived.
Dear people with pollen allergies,
You are allergic to plant sex.
Dear male teacher,
Please make sure that your fly is zipped before you leave the house. When your waist is eye level, it is hard not to notice.
Dear confusing boy,
So, taking me out on an expensive date, telling me I look wonderful, and holding my hand for three hours doesn't mean you want to be more than friends?
Dear makers of cheap earbuds,
Have you ever even worn headphones before? Or, in fact, seen an ear?
Dear teens who don't wait until they're married,
Even Sims wait until they're partners.
Dear kids,
You make us, and we make you!
Dear Eeny, Meeny and Miney,
Sorry you never get picked.
Dear people of the future,
Calm down! There isn't an apocalypse, we were just incredibly bored scratching a calendar out on a rock day after day.
Dear bladder,
We need to coordinate our schedules. You cannot keep waking me up in the middle of the night. You know how I hate getting out of bed while it is still dark.
Dear boy on the beach,
Please put your eyes back in your head where they belong
Dear poets,
Roses are red, bacon is red. Poems are hard. Bacon.
Dear math students,
You only have 4 problems of homework tonight! 1.a.b.c.d.e.f.g. 2.a.b.c.d.e.f.g. 3.a.b.c.d.e.f.g. 4.a.b.c.d.e.f.g.
Dear middle schoolers,
My phone battery lasts longer than your relationships.
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