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Dear Pinochio,
So all I have to do is lie?
Dear guy I have a crush on,
You're the reason I get up in the morning <3.
Dear government,
The day pigs fly, a lot of crap is going to go down.
Dear two buff boys infront of me at the check-out,
Can you please tell me why in the world you are buying concealer, eye shadow, and eye liner, and that's it?
Dear Rebecca,
Please stop disgracing the family name.
Dear wind,
Please blow me.
Dear vegetarians,
The meat I'm eating could be Bambi's mom, huh?
Dear ninjas,
Talk to us when there is a Facebook language option specifically for you...
Dear mom,
When you see me going to the bathroom at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning, please do not assume i woke up early.
Dear screaming Twilight fan-girls,
Go occupy Forks. They could use the revenue and I could use the peace and quiet.
Dear girls,
If you know that you get cold at nighttime, why don't you ever bring your jacket?
Dear guy at the club trying to grind on me,
I just farted.
Dear sheep I saw huddled together in a pasture off the side of the road,
So, what's the game plan?
Dear Candace,
Why dont you just take a picture of Phineas and Ferb?
Dear girl hitting on "that cute guy",
I'm really considering coming over there.
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