Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Netflix,
Thank you for putting Toy Story 3 under "emotional movies."
Dear younger self,
Don't worry, it gets better. You become a successful artist with a beautiful boyfriend. Never stop drawing and ignore the guy that calls you a faggot.
Dear who ever said "just picture the audience in their underwear",
Not the easiest thing to do with your crush in the front row.
Dear genius ideas,
Stop coming to me right before I go to sleep.
Dear math teacher,
Now I lay me down to rest, a pile of math books on my desk, if I should die before I wake, that's one less test I have to take!
Dear Americans,
If you move to Africa, would you be called American Africans?
Dear sweetheart,
It would have helped if you had just gone down on your knees instead of placing the ring in the champagne glass. There are other ways of seeing me "choke" up with emotion...
Dear hipsters who complain about people and their first world problems,
You do realize that being irritated by people talking about their first world problems is itself a first world problem, right?
Dear kindergardeners that already hate school,
You have snack time, nap time, and coloring. We have SATs, college applications, and four hours of homework. Shut up.
Dear girls,
Santa saw your Facebook, and this year he's getting you clothes for Christmas.
Dear teacher making your highschool students sit in boy, girl formation,
It's high school, we don't think the opposite sex has cooties, we're going to talk no matter what.
Dear TV,
I'm sorry that I threw a shoe at you.
Dear kids who make fun of me because I am adopted,,
My parents got to choose me. Your parents got stuck with you...
Dear guys in the friend zone and like a brother zone,
You think YOU have it bad?!
Dear english teacher who just told me that Harry Potter isn't "written well",
How about YOU write a book "well" and we'll see how popular it is.
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