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Dear People who say "why doesn't Voldemort use magic to give himself a nose?",
He used magic to make his nose smaller, why would he put it back?
Dear Husband,
Please Help with your 25 pound 6 month old
Dear Mother who is making me go out for a sport next year,
NOOOO!!!! I don't wanna! I'm fat and lazy and anti-social and I hate running....Oh wait, chocolate you say? and a spa gift card?
Dear "Be Serious",
Last Time I tried that I was pushed through the veil by my cousin, leaving my troubled godson to fight the dark lord
Dear World,
What if oxygen was poisonous but it took 75-100 years to kill us?
Dear Family.,
Trying to be a Jedi, I am. Appreciate it if you'd stop interrupting me, I would.
Dear everyone over the age of 17,
Please stop dating middle schoolers. If her age is on the clock, she is too young for you!
Dear male working at Victoria secret,
Don't look at me when I give you a pair of boy shorts at the check out counter!
Dear People in Call Centers,
Please don't piss me off. It won't end well for you....
Dear Sweetie,
I didn't give you a chance before... I gave other guys my time... I cried so many tears... Finally I opened my heart to you... And you embraced me with all my mistakes.
Dear Joffrey,
You won't be missed
Dear Owners,
You never see us picking up your poop! who's the pet again?
Dear people who own iproducts,
Never under appreciate a working home button
Dear Daughter,
Please consider dating the boy who threatened to castrate his friend unless he treats you well BEFORE you consider dating that friend!
Dear people of the US,
I don't know about you, but if ACA is anything like the VA health insurance, I don't want it. I can't afford it anyway.
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