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Dear Lifesaver candies,
Your name is really ironic right now!
Dear idiots who broke into our car for my mom's Ray Ban case,
How did it feel when you opened it and only found her prescription eyeglasses?
Dear Dumbledore,
You should really think about doing background checks on new teachers
Dear Katy Perry,
Glitter all over the room? I think I know who that stranger in your bed is....
Dear people who say you don't learn anything from tv,
3 words... Big Bang Theory
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Huh?
Dear Taylor Swift,
You're songs were so much happier when I couldn't relate to them.
Dear boys,
Girls don't want you to look like Ken
Dear vending machines,
Sorry my bills aren't straight enough for you.
Dear mother who just yelled in a quiet store to get her daughter's attention,
Everyone is looking now, whispering and using hand motions isn't going to keep your conversation private.
Dear health teacher,
You paired the only two people up in the class who have never dated anyone, and told them to talk about past relationships?
Dear roomie,
When I told you that I'm a deep sleeper, I meant it as an explanation for sometimes not hearing my alarm clock right away. I did not mean it as permission for you to have sex with your boyfriend three feet away from me during finals week.
Dear Girls who want chivalry,
You should consider an engineering college. Guys will fight over opening doors for you.
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
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