Dear Men Chasing me,
Please,contin- oh wait. There are none of you.
Sincerely, this just got really awkward for me.
Dear math nerds,
What did the mathematician say after Thanksgiving dinner?
Screwdrivers are pretty handy, huh?
Sincerely, Tommy Pickles.
I hate capitalism.
Sincerely, Because everything should be lowercase
Dear Rock paper scissors,
Rock is no longer afraid of paper. Please revise.
Sincerely, avid RPS player
I don't get pregnant, I bleed out, feel like I'm being stabbed in the uterus, and people mumble "someone's on her period" when I get emotional for 3-5 days unless I take pills. I do get pregnant, I get fat, I hurl on a daily, and people touch my belly while congratulating me for around 9 months unless I have an abortion or miscarriage. Do you just hate me?
Sincerely, a frazzled female
Dear Enlightened Friend,
Please don't judge other so harshly just because you've been enlightened by your religion. There are people out there that love you still even though they have different points of view. Just because your impact on someone isn't obvious, doesn't mean it isn't real.
Sincerely, A loving friend who misses their extended family.
Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!
Dear Barack Obama,
Why haven't you been impeached yet?
Sincerely, A true American tired of your tyranny.
Dear future husband,
Please Thank you for continually supporting and loving me as you discover my faults. Thank you for never being angry and just understanding my needs. No one has ever made me feel beautiful or worthwhile before. I love you.
Sincerely, your future wife
Dear "friend" ,
You dated 6 guys in the last 2 years. You're a freshman. And you aren't allowed to date.
Sincerely, stop acting like you're innocent
Together we grew. As I was a puppy, you were a baby. For five years of our life you would on on my ears and pet my tummy. Then I would come to you for a ball. But soon the day came where you had to come to me. My legs grew tired and my breaths grew short. You got stronger, and I got weaker. It was alright that we couldn't play because of my age, because you now had many friends. Then the day came when you were ready to move out. I wasn't sad at first, I wanted you to move on with your life. I wasn't sad until my breaths weren't only shorter, but they soon slowed down. Now I sit here with my last breath. I think about when you left everyday. With my last breath, I realize that we grew up together...and we grew apart. I will love you forever human.
Dear Kristen Stewart,
Look, I know we made a deal and all, but for once I'M starting to regret having you sign the contract. It was a fair transaction, you trading me all your facial expressions for an acting career, but the world can't take much more of this. I want you to consider giving me your first born child in exchange for getting the facial expressions back.
Sincerely, the devil
Dear guy I'm trying not to like,
Please stop being cute. Actually, just avoid me completely.
Sincerely, girl who cannot help picturing us together when you sing so off key