Dear Girl Scouts of America,
Please reconsider and make an exception to your "we don't sell cookies outside of adult-oriented stores" rule just this once. It just makes so much sense.
Sincerely, a Colorado marijuana dispensary
Please stop saying you got inside me, its kinda creepy,
Dear Global Warming,
You make me so wet.
Dear Large Creature Staring At Me Through My Bedroom Window At Night,
You're WAY too big to be any sort of owl. I'm just going to pretend that you're Totoro and try to get some sleep...
Sincerely, Creeped Out Sleeper
Please realize when I hired that guy to serenade you for me because I can't sing worth crap I didn't mean for you guys to fall in love and start dating, I mean come on! I was there too! I was holding flowers and everything!
Sincerely, waste of 50 bucks...
A rhino horn will not cure you. An elephant tusk does not indicate your status, it tells the world you're a douche. Shark fins do not add any sort of flavour to shark fin soup and can be replaced with other things.
Sincerely, Please, please stop. The world will be a much darker place if we continue down these roads.
Dear teenager living next door,
Please keep singing when you take your dog out at night. My windows are usually open, and it brightens my day so much evey time I hear you singing. Please never stop, your voice is so beautiful and you need to share it with the world, even if it isn't perfect, even if it's only with one neighbor every night who you've never even realized has listened. Hearing your voice makes me so happy.
Sincerely, the neighbor across the cul de sac
I would give up everything for us, please don't give up our un-born child.
Sincerely, Someone who was told they couldn't have children
Why are you so tempting to read when it's late at night?
Sincerely, too scared to sleep.
Dear people complaining about having gay people in fairytales,
In Norway, we have a tale about a boy who tricked a troll into cutting open his own stomach... And one where a princess hides underneath a bed and finds a lot of body parts... And about a king who tortures the boys who can't pass his tests... And yes, we tell those to kids.
Sincerely, a prince marrying a prince doesn't seem so bad now, does it?
Dear hypocritical friend,
Just because you don't like the guy I'm dating, doesn't mean I can't still use the advice you gave me.
Sincerely, learning to date a new guy
I haven't smoked in at least 6 years. You aren't even aware that I've gotten married. How in the world did you find out my new address?
Sincerely, And everyone is scared of the NSA.
Thank you for finally falling in love with someone who is cute but not liked by every girl in the school.
Sincerely, very happy girl
Go make me a woman.
Sincerely, um... I think I got something wrong there.
Dear peers asking me how I scored 99 on that test when everyone else scored 60 or below,
This stuff comes easily to me.
Sincerely, sick of getting asked why I'm so smart. Contrary to popular belief, I don't like it.