Dear modern rock bands,
Thanks for reminding me that real rock didn't die in the 80s and come back as the popular emo trash that's all over Tumblr.
Sincerely, an appreciative rocker
Dear people who think vegetarians cannot eat eggs,
Chickens do not need a male to lay eggs. Of there is no male present the chicken will still lay eggs, they just won't be fertile. Non-fertile eggs= no babies. This is why some people don't consider eggs a meat.
Sincerely, a girl who grew up raising chickens.
I'm the reason anybody actually likes you.
I ate a unicorn today. It was tasty.
Please realize stereotypes are there for a reason
Sincerely, I have a crazy Jewish grandmother
Dear people calling me "cracker",
I prefer saltine American.
Dear friend who hates apple products,
Why do you have the iphone5 and an iPad?
Sincerely, does not compute
Dear People Who Skip the Ninth Doctor,
Yes, David Tennant is hot. Yes, he is the best Doctor of all time. But Nine is important too!
Sincerely, Girl Who Appreciates All the Doctors
Dear divers honking at me because i am going to slow for you.,
I was in a car wreck the other day! Im still a little shaken up!
Sincerely, calm the hell down and leave me alone!
Please remember that while you are bloated, cramping, and aching all over, we are scared, confused, and running out of places to hide.
Sincerely, Every Husband Who Ever Lived to Talk About It
Dear visiting in-laws,
Please remember that there are latches on our toilet lids for three reasons: your very active, inquisitive grandchildren. When you leave the lids up, those latches are rendered completely ineffective.
Dear black women,
Please know that you are so blessed with the ability to make your curls thrive.
Sincerely, white girl whose hair doesn't curl well but won't stay straight
How is it possible that you can "smell death"?
Sincerely, thought you didn't have a nose!
The toddlers are pinballing around the house. I'm trying to get clean sheets on the bed so you don't sleep in stale milk puke (as for me, I'm sure my 7-months-pregnant self will be on the ground again in the kids' room to get up with them four times again tonight so YOU can get rest). No one has had breakfast yet, including the animals. Having a large family was YOUR dream. So how about you GET OFF OF FREAKIN' FACEBOOK AND ACTUALLY PARENT??!