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Dear judgemental fathers,
Hitler wanted to be a painter, but his dad said no...
Dear Math,
Shirley had ten boxes of chocolate. She ate seven. What does she have left?
Dear Twilight,
Oh, I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of my amusement park.
Dear Harvard,
YOU HAVE A QUIDDITCH TEAM?!
Dear Kardashian clothing line,
What's your return policy? 72 days?
Dear math textbook,
Thanks for telling me that "an irrational number is one that isn't rational".
Dear stereotypical Americans,
Yes, I'm from Texas. No, I'm not married to my cousin. No, I don't own a horse. I've actually never uttered he word "howdy" and I do not possess a ridiculous accent that makes me sound ignorant.
Dear Trojan Condom commercial,
Please don't air while I'm watching Saturday Night Live with my teenage brother and my very strict father.
Dear Science Professor ,
"Just try and cheat. Nothing gets by me!"
Dear people who say I'm quiet,
My mother always told me "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Dear Forever21,
Wouldn't it be funny to open up a store next to yours called "Finally 22?"
Dear beggar who's sign said, "I bet you $1 you can read this.",
Clever…
Dear pervert,
Yeah, that's what she said. But not to you...
Dear baking soda,
You whiten my teeth, remove stains from my clothes and bake in my cookies.
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