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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Men Chasing me,
Please,contin- oh wait. There are none of you.
Dear math nerds,
What did the mathematician say after Thanksgiving dinner?
Dear Doctor,
Screwdrivers are pretty handy, huh?
Dear everyone,
I hate capitalism.
Dear Rock paper scissors,
Rock is no longer afraid of paper. Please revise.
Dear biology,
I don't get pregnant, I bleed out, feel like I'm being stabbed in the uterus, and people mumble "someone's on her period" when I get emotional for 3-5 days unless I take pills. I do get pregnant, I get fat, I hurl on a daily, and people touch my belly while congratulating me for around 9 months unless I have an abortion or miscarriage. Do you just hate me?
Dear Enlightened Friend,
Please don't judge other so harshly just because you've been enlightened by your religion. There are people out there that love you still even though they have different points of view. Just because your impact on someone isn't obvious, doesn't mean it isn't real.
Dear Bruce,
Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!
Dear Barack Obama,
Why haven't you been impeached yet?
Dear future husband,
Please Thank you for continually supporting and loving me as you discover my faults. Thank you for never being angry and just understanding my needs. No one has ever made me feel beautiful or worthwhile before. I love you.
Dear "friend" ,
You dated 6 guys in the last 2 years. You're a freshman. And you aren't allowed to date.
Dear Human,
Together we grew. As I was a puppy, you were a baby. For five years of our life you would on on my ears and pet my tummy. Then I would come to you for a ball. But soon the day came where you had to come to me. My legs grew tired and my breaths grew short. You got stronger, and I got weaker. It was alright that we couldn't play because of my age, because you now had many friends. Then the day came when you were ready to move out. I wasn't sad at first, I wanted you to move on with your life. I wasn't sad until my breaths weren't only shorter, but they soon slowed down. Now I sit here with my last breath. I think about when you left everyday. With my last breath, I realize that we grew up together...and we grew apart. I will love you forever human.
Dear Kristen Stewart,
Look, I know we made a deal and all, but for once I'M starting to regret having you sign the contract. It was a fair transaction, you trading me all your facial expressions for an acting career, but the world can't take much more of this. I want you to consider giving me your first born child in exchange for getting the facial expressions back.
Dear guy I'm trying not to like,
Please stop being cute. Actually, just avoid me completely.
Dear Javert,
All I wanted was a loaf of bread,
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