Dear Lifesaver candies,
Your name is really ironic right now!
Dear idiots who broke into our car for my mom's Ray Ban case,
How did it feel when you opened it and only found her prescription eyeglasses?
Sincerely, wish I could've seen your face
You should really think about doing background checks on new teachers
Sincerely, the new ones never seem to work out
Dear Katy Perry,
Glitter all over the room? I think I know who that stranger in your bed is....
Sincerely, Edward Cullen
Dear people who say you don't learn anything from tv,
3 words... Big Bang Theory
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Sincerely, just spent $600 on music :)
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Sincerely, that doesn't even make sense.
Dear Taylor Swift,
You're songs were so much happier when I couldn't relate to them.
Sincerely, just sobbed the chorus of You Belong with Me through a mouthful of ice cream
Girls don't want you to look like Ken
Sincerely, he doesn't have a penis
Dear vending machines,
Sorry my bills aren't straight enough for you.
Sincerely, stop being such a homophobe.
Dear mother who just yelled in a quiet store to get her daughter's attention,
Everyone is looking now, whispering and using hand motions isn't going to keep your conversation private.
Sincerely, Yes, I do think your daughter needs a new bra.
Dear health teacher,
You paired the only two people up in the class who have never dated anyone, and told them to talk about past relationships?
When I told you that I'm a deep sleeper, I meant it as an explanation for sometimes not hearing my alarm clock right away. I did not mean it as permission for you to have sex with your boyfriend three feet away from me during finals week.
Sincerely, even the deaf couldn't sleep through that!
Dear Girls who want chivalry,
You should consider an engineering college. Guys will fight over opening doors for you.
Sincerely, Future Engineer