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Dear modern rock bands,
Thanks for reminding me that real rock didn't die in the 80s and come back as the popular emo trash that's all over Tumblr.
Dear people who think vegetarians cannot eat eggs,
Chickens do not need a male to lay eggs. Of there is no male present the chicken will still lay eggs, they just won't be fertile. Non-fertile eggs= no babies. This is why some people don't consider eggs a meat.
Dear Vinegar,
I'm the reason anybody actually likes you.
Dear Diary,
I ate a unicorn today. It was tasty.
Dear Internet,
Please realize stereotypes are there for a reason
Dear people calling me "cracker",
I prefer saltine American.
Dear friend who hates apple products,
Why do you have the iphone5 and an iPad?
Dear People Who Skip the Ninth Doctor,
Yes, David Tennant is hot. Yes, he is the best Doctor of all time. But Nine is important too!
Dear divers honking at me because i am going to slow for you.,
I was in a car wreck the other day! Im still a little shaken up!
Dear Wives,
Please remember that while you are bloated, cramping, and aching all over, we are scared, confused, and running out of places to hide.
Dear visiting in-laws,
Please remember that there are latches on our toilet lids for three reasons: your very active, inquisitive grandchildren. When you leave the lids up, those latches are rendered completely ineffective.
Dear black women,
Please know that you are so blessed with the ability to make your curls thrive.
Dear Voldemort,
How is it possible that you can "smell death"?
Dear husband,
The toddlers are pinballing around the house. I'm trying to get clean sheets on the bed so you don't sleep in stale milk puke (as for me, I'm sure my 7-months-pregnant self will be on the ground again in the kids' room to get up with them four times again tonight so YOU can get rest). No one has had breakfast yet, including the animals. Having a large family was YOUR dream. So how about you GET OFF OF FREAKIN' FACEBOOK AND ACTUALLY PARENT??!
Dear people who say there should be a fat Disney Princess,
How about a normal size one first?
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