Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear clueless mom who just told me my scarf looks gay,
Thanks! I found it when I was in the closet!
Dear awesome guy friend,
Please keep going to Zumba classes with me. It makes you that much cooler.
Dear sandwich,
Sorry you got put in the middle of this.
Dear Voldemort,
Why was it necessary to go to such lengths to make Harry compete in the Tri-Wizard Tournament? There much have been easier ways to get him to touch a horcrux.
Dear kids in class who ask the teacher "when are we ever going to need to know this",
On the test next week.
Dear toothpaste commercials,
How do you do that?!
Dear Willow Smith,
When I whip my hair back and forth, I get whiplash.
Dear friends,
Just because I got Bs on my report card does not mean you can nickname me "stereotype breaker!"
Dear Disney,
Why are all the princesses only 16 in the movies and marry after only a few days of knowing the prince?
Dear women,
It's not men's fault they look at your boobs. More massive objects bend more light.
Dear 7th grader who hit on me during 5th period lunch,
I told you I was a teacher. Now do you believe me?
Dear sex scenes in movies,
Wow that spot on the floor is very interestng!
Dear world,
Why did the hipster burn his lip while eating pizza?
Dear turkeys,
Thanks for showing up on that first Thanksgiving. We needed a break.
Dear Life,
Why do you keep giving me to people?
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