Dear movie theater usher,
What do you mean my bag smells like fast food?
Sincerely, I have no idea what you're talking about...
Dear person trying to push a pull door,
Sincerely, just tried to pull a push door.
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
Dear board games,
Sorry, I can't.
Sincerely, just saw Jumanji.