SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear work,
I'm violently throwing up and you expect me to go to a doctor's to figure out if something is wrong with me?!?!
Dear brain,
Please don't wake me up early from my dreams...
Dear Auntie,
Stop sharing photos about how important it is to spend time with your kids. Get off your ass and do it.
Dear adorable dog,
I rarely mind your antics when it comes to going outside, but today of all days please hurry it up and go!
Dear bladder,
Please allow my nail varnish to dry next time I decide to treat myself.
Dear girl on the bus,
I am sorry that your boyfriend broke up you. However, that does NOT give you the right to assault the lady who came over to ask if you were alright. If the bus driver hadn't made you get off at the next stop, I would have forced you off myself.
Dear waiters and watresses,
Please don't ask me if I am a vampire when I ask what has garlic in it and laugh in my face when I say no.
Dear boys,
When we say "I hate boys" it means "I hate boys who I thought were nice but actually turned out to be jerks and I definitely don't hate all boys."
Dear morning,
Please understand that I just got out of a relationship with sleep. I need some time before I'm ready for this.
Dear Ex-Girlfriend,
You could of told me that you were pregnant before you got the abortion. It was my choice too.
Dear Villains in almost every show ever,
Why do you only attack where the area the heroes are in?
Dear angry boss,
I showed up to work late to drive my 18-year old paraplegic sister to special-ed.
Dear best friend's boyfriend,
You talk to her every night on Skype. You send her gifts in the mail, and comfort her when she's sad. You gave her a necklace made out of a blue stone only found in the Dominican. You can behave like a best friend and a significant other at the same time. And you can make ME laugh too.
Dear Fred,
Remember that time we tried to put our names in the Goblet of Fire? I wish that wasn't the only time that we'd see each other old.
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