Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear parents,
Just because I eat my burritos sideways doesn't mean you have to stare at me like I have two heads.
Dear girl who I saw wearing my clothes that I left on the bus,
Yeah, that's creepy.
Dear Apple,
"If you don't have an iphone, you don't have an iphone".
Dear freshly polished coffee table,
Spinning around on my stomach has never been so fun!
Dear Mr. President,
Roses are red, violets are blue, Osama is dead, can I now bring my shampoo?
Dear girls who's prom dresses look like two pieces of cloth held together by a beaded string,
Are you dyslexic??
Dear people of the world,
I will always be ahead of you, and in the future.
Dear boyfriend,
Just because I'm a redhead doesn't mean this is like The Little Mermaid. There is no talking crab who's going to tell you when it's okay to kiss me.
Dear Dad,
Please clear your internet history...
Dear mom,
I found the $100 without needing to clean. I think you need to find a better hiding place that isn't under my pillow.
Dear women,
It's not men's fault they look at your boobs. More massive objects bend more light.
Dear math,
Can you please be as easy as half the girls in my class?
Dear pet cat,
Thank you for taking a bite out of my unwrapped McDouble and giving me a literal icanhazcheezburger moment!
Dear Mufasa,
You only had one life left? Oh, my bad...
Dear sandwich,
Sorry you got put in the middle of this.
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