Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear gay guys,
We straight guys are sometimes mean to you, but it is only because you can drink those fruity beverages at a bar without judgment.
Dear world,
When you lick someones elbow without them seeing you, they don't feel it.
Dear person who took the hall pass,
Do you have ANY idea how bad I have to pee?!
Dear best friend staring at me in disbelief,
Yes, I do have a 4.0 grade point average, and yes, I am tied for first in the class rankings.
Dear man in the next stall,
Coughing and farting at the same time? Really?
Dear wife,
When I told you I knew you were cheating, I meant on your diet...
Dear foreign host family,
Really, I promise, the problem is not that I can't hear you, it's that I can't understand you.
Dear cute boy,
Sorry for your bloody nose. But to be fair, I DID warn you not to tickle me...
Dear sneezes,
Why do you happen at the worst times?
Dear girls who constantly complain about boys who stare at their cleavage,
Just an idea, wear your boobs on the inside of your shirt.
Dear girl who "overslept",
So you had enough time to coat your face with an inch of makeup but you didn't have enough time to put on actual clothes?
Dear computer,
Life is too short to safely remove USB.
Dear guy staring at me,
Yes, I'm playing Pokemon. Yes, I'm also pretty.
Dear over-protective parents,
You really should have thought it through when you said "No boys in the room!"
Dear food falling to the floor,
Little germs: "GET IT!! King Germ: "NO! WE wait 5 seconds."
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