Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear drinker,
I know you want me. You want to suck me, and blow me, and feel my delicious liquid go into your mouth. I'm ready.
Dear guy in the car next to me,
Thanks for blowing me a kiss even though it was a little creepy.
Dear students,
If it wasn't already obvious, we seat you next to the person you'd look best with.
Dear women,
Don't worry about magazines telling you you're fat; porn sites tell us we need penis enlargements all the time.
Dear teacher who says "don't get arrested" every Friday when the bell rings,
Oops...
Dear Mulan,
If I watch the movie backwards, it tells the story of a decorated war hero who goes back home to get a sex change.
Dear Washington D.C.,
Calm down, it was just an earthquake. These things happen.
Dear person in movie who is being chased by a rolling boulder.,
Don't run in front of it! Just run to the side! It won't kill you if you're not in from of it!
Dear world,
Want to hear a joke about a vegetable?
Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Dear little sister who rides horses,
I'm more of a "save a horse, ride a cowboy" kind of girl.
Dear Bruno Mars,
Wouldn't YOUR eyes have to be open to know that hers were?
Dear room-mate watching Japanese anime,
Please explain why the characters' words don't match the movements of their mouths, and why there are abnormally shaped, floating, talking animals everywhere.
Dear telemarketers,
Please respond when I answer the phone and say "Buddy the Elf! What's your favorite color?"
Dear jerk who prank called me at 2am,
I hope you don't mind that I put your number all over the internet.
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