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Dear Dancing with the Stars,
Your name is really misleading...
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Dear sister,
I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
Dear lady wearing shorts and a bikini top,
This is Target, not Walmart.
Dear Ariel,
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Dear Bra,
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Dear hand sanitizer,
OWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIE OW!!!!
Dear underage partiers,
Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Dear boyfriend,
What?
Dear parents,
Thank you for never checking the internet history.
Dear Facebook's "people you may know",
No mutual friends, lives in a different country, and not to mention they look like a pedophile...
Dear blonde on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader,
Thank goodness you're pretty!
Dear people losing sleep,
Tired? There's a nap for that.
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