Also By UsSlow RobotI Waste So Much TimeI Waste So Much MoneyAttack of the CuteGrouchy Rabbit
Dear Americans thinking of moving to Europe if Trump gets elected,
Please, by all means, come join us in my country! We love newcommers and we're a loving, happy people, that would make you feel very welc... Oh wait, I'm danish. Never mind.
Dear judgemental friends,
Please stop calling my girlfriend a whore. Just because I made out with her on our second day of dating, doesn't mean she's a whore.
Dear Harry Potter,
Turn to page 394.
Dear Men,
If you consider a woman to be less pure after you touch her, maybe you should take a look at your hands.
Dear man who catcalled me,
Please never do that again. I just had a panic attack for an hour straight thinking that you would come find me and attack me. It's not flattering to be called after.
Dear Mom,
I'm going to come out to you soon as transgender. My wife still loves me, God still loves me, and I love me even more since I admitted it finally. Please don't hate me. Show me the same love you always showed your gay friend.
Dear Boyfriend,
Please stop taking me for granted. I am a woman, not a mop.
Dear friend,
I started going to the gym with you because it was fun and we motivated each other. But on a day I wasn't able to make it you tried to "motivate" me by saying how fat I was going to get. That's not motivation, that's bullying.
Dear father,
Please don't ignore your daughter while we're gone. Shes worried us going to college means she's going to be all alone. You can't just say you don't know how to treat a teenage girl and just ignore her. You treat her like a person. She likes football, video games, and chemistry. She never flips out or screams. She's rational and smart, but thinks her father doesn't love her. Go talk to her.
Dear dance partner,
Please brush your teeth in the future before you come to class. Chewing gum isn't really a proper subsitute for hygeine and it's distracting and uncomfortable for your partners when they can smell your breath from a foot away.
Dear Brain,
Thank you for almost always magically knowing the answer. You shouldn't understand this, but you do.
Dear friends,
You're welcome to come over on short notice, however, when I tell you I have lots of homework and it needs to be a short visit, that means you shouldn't stay for 5 hours. It also DEFINITELY means that you shouldn't leave only when I tell you I need to go to bed, and ask when exactly I'm going to bed so you can try and squeeze in one more episode.
Dear impatient morons,
Please realise that a fully laden freight train cannot stop or swerve to avoid hitting you. The responsibility to avoid an accident lies on you to obey the signals and keep clear of a train. Don't think you can race the train.
Dear parents,
Please don't give up on me. I've seen what happens when the other kids get left in group homes.
Dear person accusing me behind my back,
Please note that carefully restraining my son during a temper tantrum is NOT abuse. If I'm not much mistaken, it is rather more frowned upon to allow a child to hurt himself or others! You are only here a few hours per month. You have not seen him bash his head into the wall when angry, or try to bite himself or me, or kick me in the 8-months-pregnant belly. Don't shoot your mouth off without facts.