Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Jersey Shore,
Please give me my little sister back.
Dear people who make comments about fourth graders' relationship statuses on Facebook,
.....Why are you friends with a fourth grader to begin with?
Dear "no you hang up",
Okay then *...click...*
Dear wife,
Please stop using PMS as an excuse. You get your period once a month, not once a week.
Dear biology class,
Yes, I just made a Wookie sound when our biology teacher mentioned science fiction. What're you going to do about it?
Dear boyfriend,
When I say I wanna go see the muppets movie, its not code for lets make out in the back row for the whole movie.
Dear guys,
I don't need tight clothes or tons of makeup to get you to like me. I will seduce you with my awkwardness.
Dear person who said that a condom was too expensive to buy,
The average child costs 200,000 dollars to raise.
Dear nice romantic boys,
I'm too old for hide-and-go-seek now.
Dear extremely overweight women,
Please stop wearing clothes that would only fit if you were 100 pounds lighter.
Dear newborn babies,
Welcome to our society. When you grow up, you will be judged on what you wear, which music you listen to, what you look like, how you act, who you hang around with, and on practically every other personal trait and imperfection about you, and you'll be made fun of for being who you are. Enjoy your stay.
Dear boyfriend playing video games,
...can we make out or something?
Dear smokers,
No one wants to stand downwind of me, either.
Dear tampon,
For such a small thing, you come with some big warnings....
Dear early bird,
Go ahead and have your worm. By the time I wake up, the bacon should be ready.
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