Damn it! I told you we weren't going to lose to those stupid Jigglypuffs! Why would you fall off your broom!?
Dear girl at the bar,
This is the second time I've seen you out dancing and you licked my face both times. I don't know why you do this, but it is quite disturbing. I hope you had fun with that couple that propositioned me for a threesome.
Sincerely, this is why I stay home
Dear People of the World,
The joke, 'Why'd the chicken cross the road?' isn't what you think it is. 'To get to the other side' doesn't refer to the other side of the road.
Sincerely, I just ruined your childhood.
Dear Any LDS moderators and anyone else who just wants to like it,
I got called to the Chile Antofagasta Mission Woohoo. I thought I would post it on here just for fun, even though it probably wont make it onto the home page
Although you look amazing and feel amazing sometimes, you make me feel shameful immediately. I am not alone. It is not normal to look at you. You destroy relationships and are killing my marriage. I hate that you're not illegal.
Sincerely, a sad husband and youth director
Dear lady in the 8th row,
Please note that midnight in the movie theatre aisle is not the place to do aerobics
Sincerely, I just wanted to watch my movie
Dear alarm clock,
Just because you're out of battery, does not mean it's acceptable for you to not go off when I need you to
Sincerely, late for work
And I suppose… if it's my one last chance to say it I…
Sincerely, fades away
Please stop sending books
Sincerely, all people in war over religion
Dear boy who I asked to prom and rejected me,
I am going to become an engineer, make tons of money, and find a guy who loves me for me.
Sincerely, I went alone to prom
Dear People Who Complain About Spelling and Grammer,
U r lyk the whyn conasewers ov th inglish luggage. Keep it up. Your reactions are hillarious.
Sincerely, A Certain Blundering Troll
Dear overgrown boys who came through the drive through yesterday,
Please remember we sell burgers, not women.
Sincerely, no I will not give you a 360.
Please create Google Global: an app that pairs two users across the world and allows each to chat in their respective tongue. Each time a user opens the application, there will be a new user from another country on the other end.
Sincerely, The World
I don't think you fully understand how compromise works. You've had full control over leaving the window open or closed in the middle of January. I have no controll when you are in the room (you have the right to be comfortable), but I shouldn't have to freeze to the point of having muscle cramps when you're not around. That's why, "I'll leave it closed more often if you leave it open more often" makes no sense.
Sincerely, Getting Ready to Move Out
Dear "kawaii" girls,
Stop pretending you know my culture. Anime and manga are nothing compared to the history of atom bomb disease and seppuku. You don't get to say you're practically Japanese. You don't get to water down my heritage. You don't get to erase what it means for me to be Japanese. You don't have the right.
Sincerely, you're destroying my identity