Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear monkeys,
We like maple syrup too...
Dear roommate who pretends to be asleep,
I can see you in the mirror.
Dear Girls who say "suck it",
Either you have severely misjudged your anatomy, or I have.
Dear students,
I was going to arrange the seating chart strategically so that you could do better in class... but then I realized how cute those two would look together, and how funny it would be to put those two together, and it all fell into place.
Dear Furbie I found in my closet,
...I got rid of you six years ago... HOW DID YOU GET BACK?!
Dear science class,
I don't need to be taught what an ocean floor dropoff looks like. Nemo already taught me that.
Dear doctor who asked me if I was pregnant,
Yes. Yes I am.
Dear cruel world,
I am smart, kind, generous, caring, and funny. My roommate is rude, selfish, loud, and inconsiderate. One of us has a boyfriend, and it's not me.
Dear guy in the "friend zone",
Don't balme us girls, you put yourselves there.
Dear boys,
I see you have socks stuffed in your pants...
Dear long distance boyfriend,
The only plus about this relationship is the fact I dont have to shave my legs that often...
Dear male population,
Do not dismiss romantic comedies.
Dear hipster boys,
Pants... too... tight... can't... breath... world... caving... in... around... us...
Dear creepy girl making fun of the fat girl,
You can grow out of fat, you can't grow out of creepy.
Dear Walmart,
I quit. Please return my soul.
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