Why do we walk on two legs? We're wasting our arm muscles.
Sincerely, fellow human with dreams of a four-legged world
Dear rude and disgusting co-worker,
Please date the girl who insults and makes faces at you. She's crazy about you, and I saw you blush when she mocked your facial hair. I know you smile when she brushes against you.
Sincerely, you two deserve each other
Please stop being such LOSERS
Sincerely, Donald J. Trump
Dear mom who says I do nothing,
Please realize that I am doing something: Trying to fight off the wish to die. And you're not helping.
Sincerely, if you want me dead so badly, why don't you just do it yourself?
Please explain why it's considered gay to ask sexual questions to each other.
Sincerely, a confused boy
Dear boy who picked on me in middle school,
Why didn't you tell me how you felt when we were 13?
Sincerely, I'm sorry, but now I'm 21 and have a boyfriend
Dear Kids I babysit,
Please don't bug me to play the second I get there at 7 am
Sincerely, Your babysitter
Thanks to you I wasn't stranded in the middle of nowhere for forgetting to turn off my headlights. You were seriously god sent.
Sincerely, the person who just got their license
Dear ex best friend,
Please understand that I am not trying to ignore you , but you abandoning me after I was raped really hurt and caused a lot of problems for me. I'm just trying to do what's best for me. I'm sorry.
Sincerely, your ex best friend who hopes you don't hate her
Dear Primary voters,
Please don't vote at my high school, then go outside and hold up a Ted Cruz sign, stopping anyone thats coming to pick up their children from afterschool activities. There are 2 girls from Palestine in front of you. Go back to your "doomsday bunker" down by the river.
Sincerely, this country's going to hell, anyways.
Dear ignorant neighbor,
Please stop taking your dog inside every time I let mine out. Yes, he's big. Yes, he's got a block head. Yes, his ears are cropped. And yes, he is a full blood pit bull. BUT he is no more dangerous than any other dog! Quit listening to biased media!!!!
Sincerely, tired owner of a snuggly, lick you to death pit
Dear random boners,
Stop. Just stop.
Sincerely, Guys Everywhere
Please accept my deepest condolences. My heart to you
Sincerely, sad for my loveless earth
Dear young teens,
Please stop talking and acting like you're grown. wait till you're 18 AND THEN mess up your life.
Sincerely, your annoyed classmate
You asked me what I wanted for my birthday, I said "just come spend time with me." Why am I not surprised that you texted asking to reschedule because of another of your friend's random parties?
Sincerely, I just wanted to spend time with you