Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Sincerely, if you want respect, earn it
You've managed to unlock my iPhone and beat my high score on temple run.
Sincerely, Teach Me Your Ways
Dear Edward and Jacob,
I have to tell you two setting important... I recently found this out... I'm... A lesbian
Dear Judgmental Idiots,
Just because I'm slim, fashionably dressed, have a slicked-back hairdo, and a sexy accent, does not mean that I'm gay.
Sincerely, I'm French.
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Sincerely, I don't think dogs care
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Sincerely, that doesn't even make sense.
Dear 6 year old girl I'm babysitting,
Your comments make TV worth watching again.
Sincerely, yes, the guy on Wipeout devoting his run to the girl host will always be single.
You were right.
Sincerely, Ex-Varsity Footballer, Current Wal-Mart Cashier.
Dear Harry Potter fans,
Harry was a descendant of the 3rd brother from the group who made the Deathly Hallows. Voldemort was a descendant of the 2nd brother. This means that Harry and Voldemort were distant cousins.
Sincerely, talk about family feuds
Dear Math Teacher,
Please stop playing the Titanic theme song during our tests
Sincerely, it's not funny
Dear dog I left at home for an hour,
Why would you eat the heel out of my sock, my sister's cellphone, 3 pine cones, and somehow the cat door?
Sincerely, none of those things seem remotely appetizing
Please salt your sidewalks.
Sincerely, tasted a little bland when I fell
Dear Carrie Underwood,
We give you props, but next time maybe you shouldn't carve your name in the seats. It's a dead giveaway.
Sincerely, the police department
Dear two-ply toilet paper,
I guess it's true. You don't really know what you have until it's gone.
Sincerely, college kid with a chaffed butt.