Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear guys,
Please tell your're pants it rude to point.
Dear dishwasher detergent,
Why are YOU made with real lemon juice, but I'm not?
Dear undercover FBI agent who discovered my friend's soccer coach was a pedophile,
We need more people like you.
Dear Principal who thinks "I love boobies" bracelets are offensive,
I think breast cancer is offensive.
Dear guys everywhere,
When we say "I'm cold" you have 2 choices: give us your sweatshirt, or hug us till we're warm.
Dear dorm lobby,
I think we will be seeing a lot of each other now.
Dear cop I just drove by,
Please stop texting. Also, you have a tail-light out, and that sign said "NO TURN ON RED."
Dear driver who won't let the ambulance pass,
You're a douche. What if that was your dying mother in the back?
Dear woman whispering behind my back at Wal-Mart,
No. This child that's with me is not my son. He's my little brother. No. He's not black or Mexican. He's a Pacific Islander. Insult him again, I will punch you. That's how much I love him.
Dear douche who says he gets 10 times the girls than I get,
10 times 0 is 0.
Dear society,
Please do not fear me. Although I am 6'3, almost 300 pounds and dark skinned, that does not mean that I want to harm you or your children. Hiding your children behind you in an effort to protect them is not only pointless, but it kinda hurts my feelings.
Dear lady wearing a shirt the same color as your skin,
You looked naked from my peripherals.
Dear girl who just told me a secret and said "don't tell a soul",
Fine, I'll tell every ginger I can find!
Dear boys ,
Please tell us why your clothes are so much more comfy.
Dear British accent,
Thank you for making me 10x more attractive.
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