SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear those who are grossed out by incest,
If you love someone, you should be with them. I don't see what is wrong with that.
Dear George Michael,
Her?
Dear life,
Bring it on!
Dear hungry humans,
I give you aspara-piss!
Dear boyfriend,
Please know that I push you to take a shower after sex so I can finish what you didn't...
Dear mandatory swim class at school,
Please don't make me take this class! I am too nervous to wear a swimsuit all semester especially on the days that I have my period!
Dear Downton Abbey,
You didn't have to kill off the dog just because it shares the same name as ISIS.
Dear Hermione,
May I please borrow your time-turner? I just accidentally tooted in front of my crush!
Dear teachers,
We are giving you apples for a reason. It worked with Snow White...
Dear "Doctor Who",
Can you please explain to me how the Doctor -- who can take on ANY HUMAN FORM -- always turns out to be a skinny, white guy?
Dear new roommate,
Life would be much easier if we could get over this first awkward phase so I could comfortably fart wherever I needed to.
Dear those who are pro-vaccines,
I would like to enjoy my decision to not shoot my body full of unnecessary chemicals in order to have a chemically-induced immune system. I would like to build up my immune system naturally.
Dear sleeping dog,
RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF!!!!!
Dear babies,
Please stop being so cute! My wife keeps wanting more of you, but I don't think I can handle any more diaper changes...
Dear those new to Rock, Paper, Scissors, Lizard, Spock,
It's very simple. Scissors cuts paper. Paper covers rock. Rock crushes lizard. Lizard poisons Spock. Spock smashes scissors. Scissors decapitates lizard. Lizard eats paper. Paper disproves Spock. Spock vaporizes rock. And as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
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