Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear innocent,
Welcome! I haven't met you yet!
Dear vitamin company,
Yeah, maybe making your vitamins taste like candy wasn't the best idea.
Dear overweight people at the gym,
Ignore the rude people complaining about your short shorts and remember that no matter how slow you're going, you're always moving faster than the ones at home on the couch.
Dear boy in a class of 15 freezing girls,
Offering your jacket to a girl is like offering up a piece of your soul...
Dear Angry Birds,
Why did you release a new level?
Dear girl I like who says her hands are cold but won't accept my gloves,
How about you just take one of my gloves, and we can hold each other's gloveless hands?
Dear Life,
Why can't you be a computer? I just want to delete the history and restart.
Dear Urban Dictonary,
Thank you...
Dear boyfriend,
When I asked, "What are you wearing?" And you replied with, "Cookie Monster jammies," I knew you were the one.
Dear Walmart,
Please stop using five people to greet me and put them on a register.
Dear girls who wear extra padded bras,
He's going to be a bit disappointed, don't you think?
Dear "diamonds are a girl's best friend",
Actually it's deodorant and really good razors...
Dear hair,
Good morn-OH MY GOD WHY?!
Dear people gardening,
Just because it's 94 degrees does not mean I want you to spray me with your hose while I run by...
Dear patient who complained about your appointment being late,
I'm sorry if you're late for your coffee date, I was talking a girl out of suicide.
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