Dear annoyed people,
I like my women like my coffee; fine-ground, with a little creamer, some cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom and vanilla.
Sincerely, that was supposed to be a joke, but it's actually kinda true...
I can make you a non-vegan rather quickly!
Sincerely, Poisonus Snake Bite!
Dear "Be serious!",
Sincerely, last time I tried that a clown came at me with a razor.
I only wear boys' clothes, my voice is getting deeper and my chest flatter. How have you only just noticed my second earring.
Sincerely, your FTM son.
Dear Step Brother,
Please stop masturbating in the middle of the night
Sincerely, these walls aren't sound proof.
Dear Men Chasing me,
Please,contin- oh wait. There are none of you.
Sincerely, this just got really awkward for me.
Dear person who called me a whore for wearing a tampon,
Should I start calling you a baby? Because pads feel like diapers when I wear them.
Sincerely, I enjoy putting in a tampon as much as you enjoy wearing your pad
I was wrong. I was wrong about racism in America. I know that now, and I'm ready to make a change. I just wanted you to know that I've learned so much, and there IS hope.
Sincerely, white girl who finally realized her privilege
Please stop making me re-write my older brother's college essays for him, and then yell at me when he gets bad grades on anything. I don't care if he needs a good grade, I have my own homework to do. He's five years older than me, he can figure it out.
Sincerely, I'm only 15. Seriously.
Dear Starbucks employee,
Please tell me why abbreviation is such a long word
Sincerely, Oh, so you aren't an English major? Oops
Please move the : and the ; buttons farther apart.
Sincerely, I just made that text VERY awkward.
Dear overreacting "friend",
Please stop freaking out every time any of joke around with you, in case you haven't noticed that is how we are all treating each other. You told us you wanted to be just like us...
Sincerely, annoyed "friend"
Dear people who insist the hobbits could have used the eagles,
Mordor's atmosphere is poisonous until Sauron is vanquished. The eagles only came as a favor, they're not pets. The Nazgul on their fel beasts would have attacked, or the orcs would have shot the eagles and or the hobbits down. The point of the quest was stealth and eagles are anything but.
Sincerely, an observant LotR fan.
Dear College Board,
Are you lowering your standards? How did I pass the AP Environmental Science exam when I wrote a joke instead of one of the essays? How did I pass the English Composition one when I didn't even understand the second prompt?
Sincerely, confused (but happy) student.