Dear Dancing with the Stars,
Your name is really misleading...
Sincerely, expecting a science documentary about our milky way.
Dear person who checks behind the shower curtain,
It's funny because I'm actually in your bedroom closet.
Sincerely, the serial killer.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Sincerely, creeped out.
I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
Sincerely, your trajectionally-challenged brother.
Dear lady wearing shorts and a bikini top,
This is Target, not Walmart.
Sincerely, please put some clothes on!
Sebastian didn't want you to become human because you're a ginger and would easily get burnt by the sun.
Sincerely, it's true...
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Sincerely, Cell Phone.
Dear hand sanitizer,
Sincerely, paper-cut on my hand that I forgot about.
Dear underage partiers,
Do you really think that when you post a picture of you at a party holding a beer can and blur out just the beer can that that suddenly makes a difference? Do you think we are all going "oh theres a little blurred out spot on the picture that just happens to be placed over everyones hand in every picture, well that couldn't possibly be a beer can. Nah, it was probably soda and they just didn't want people to know what kind."
Sincerely, laughing at your pathetic attempts.
Dear male wrestlers,
You really chose the wrong sport...
Sincerely, male cheerleaders.
Sincerely, I actually heard you. I'm just giving you a chance to change what you said.
Thank you for never checking the internet history.
Sincerely, your son.
Dear Facebook's "people you may know",
No mutual friends, lives in a different country, and not to mention they look like a pedophile...
Dear blonde on Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader,
Thank goodness you're pretty!
Sincerely, hummingbirds have two wings, not four...