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Dear iTunes,
Thank you for putting "we can take a kidney any time we want" in section 13A of the Terms & Conditions.
Dear guy I told that I was from Indiana,
Are you really asking me what tribe I'm from...?
Dear Internet,
Man, you were a LOT funnier when I was alone...
Dear dad,
Please don't come into Victoria's Secret with me....
Dear world,
What if God is just a Sims player, and we're the Sims?
Dear Hollywood,
I did not laugh when I saw The Hangover. I did not scream when I saw Paranormal Activity. I did not barf when I saw Twilight. But you've broken me with Toy Story 3.
Dear guys,
Despite what you think, girls like food just as much as you.
Dear girls stealing raspberries from my yard,
Yes, I did see you, and yes, I did set off my car alarm to scare you.
Dear Breaking Dawn,
Last time I checked, getting a girl pregnant requires a bodily function that Edward doesn't have.
Dear popular girl and her popular boyfriend that said I would never get the popular football player I was talking to,
Well I would certainly hope so....
Dear whomever broke into my apartment,
Please enjoy the Xbox 360. Funny story, the disc drive is going out and it's about to red ring. Please enjoy the 1st gen Zune with a shattered screen that's dying. Enjoy the empty debit card and 2 cancelled credit cards. Oh! And those ladies socks you stole? I'm sure your mom will love them. Thanks for stealing all my crap so I can upgrade!
Dear Christmas,
Jingle bells, Twilight smells, Edward ran away. Bella died and Jacob cried, Potter all the way.
Dear wisdom teeth,
Obliviate!
Dear really hot guy who looks genuinly concerned,
What happened to my leg? Oh! I burned it while hopping off my motorcycle...
Dear "Did you get your haircut?!",
No. It grew shorter.
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