Dear annoyed people,
I like my women like my coffee; fine-ground, with a little creamer, some cinnamon, nutmeg, cardamom and vanilla.
Sincerely, that was supposed to be a joke, but it's actually kinda true...
I can make you a non-vegan rather quickly!
Sincerely, Poisonus Snake Bite!
Dear "Be serious!",
Sincerely, last time I tried that a clown came at me with a razor.
I only wear boys' clothes, my voice is getting deeper and my chest flatter. How have you only just noticed my second earring.
Sincerely, your FTM son.
Please remember, when I had the option of eating more or exercising to deal with the stress of finals before graduation, I took time out of my studies to EXERCISE this morning , instead of stuffing my face and cramming like I did yesterday
Sincerely, SO WHY ARE YOU STILL SO HUNGRY?!
Dear really hot popular cheerleader,
Did you mean to give me the note to meet you under the bleachers during the halftime?
Dear People of the Earth,
Please give me your energy!
Dear Step Brother,
Please stop masturbating in the middle of the night
Sincerely, these walls aren't sound proof.
Dear person who called me a whore for wearing a tampon,
Should I start calling you a baby? Because pads feel like diapers when I wear them.
Sincerely, I enjoy putting in a tampon as much as you enjoy wearing your pad
Dear Men Chasing me,
Please,contin- oh wait. There are none of you.
Sincerely, this just got really awkward for me.
Oh, you think darkness is your ally. But you merely adopted the dark; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see the light until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but BLINDING!
Dear guy I'm trying not to like,
Please stop being cute. Actually, just avoid me completely.
Sincerely, girl who cannot help picturing us together when you sing so off key
Dear frustrating heart/brain combo,
WHY do I feel like I have been in love with a boy I barely know for FOUR YEARS now?!?!
Sincerely, please just stop now?
Please stop making me re-write my older brother's college essays for him, and then yell at me when he gets bad grades on anything. I don't care if he needs a good grade, I have my own homework to do. He's five years older than me, he can figure it out.
Sincerely, I'm only 15. Seriously.