Dear sleeping girlfriend,
I was in the middle of breaking up with you when you dozed off.
Sincerely, it was because I felt unappreciated...
Dear people who complain about their classmates,
Today my friend asked our high school class: What does Plankton sing in response to Spongebob's F.U.N. song? Every single person- girl and guy- broke out into song. We sang the whole thing (Spongebob's and Plankton's parts) and our teacher just sat there and smiled.
Sincerely, so glad I go to this school.
I know you want me. You want to suck me, and blow me, and feel my delicious liquid go into your mouth. I'm ready.
Sincerely, a straw.
Did you know that if you're about to sneeze and say raspberry, it stops you?
Sincerely, you're welcome.
Dear person who can't stop sneezing,
BLESS YOU ALREADY!
Sincerely, I'M TIRED OF TELLING YOU!
You are us with too much makeup on, and you dare call us the ugly ones!
Sincerely, self aware muffin.
Dear Washington D.C.,
Calm down, it was just an earthquake. These things happen.
Sincerely, Los Angeles.
Dear "popular kid",
If you're "cooler" than me, doesn't that make me "hotter" than you?
Sincerely, just saying.
Dear inventor of tampons ,
Please tell me you're not a guy.
Sincerely, now I'm creeped out!
You give out more mixed signals than Helen Keller directing traffic!
Sincerely, annoyed and confused girls.
Please bring me coal for Christmas.
Sincerely, the United States of America.
If I watch the movie backwards, it tells the story of a decorated war hero who goes back home to get a sex change.
Sincerely, next I'm trying trying Lion King!
Dear girls making kissy faces,
You're just jealous.
Sincerely, the ducks.
Congratulations on becoming a verb!