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Dear hungry humans,
I give you aspara-piss!
Dear Santa,
Please don't stop the sleigh so fast...
Dear life,
Bring it on!
Dear Downton Abbey,
You didn't have to kill off the dog just because it shares the same name as ISIS.
Dear "Doctor Who",
Can you please explain to me how the Doctor -- who can take on ANY HUMAN FORM -- always turns out to be a skinny, white guy?
Dear Hermione,
May I please borrow your time-turner? I just accidentally tooted in front of my crush!
Dear Skittles,
I love you.
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Hemsworth,
Thank you!
Dear Disneyland,
Please require vaccines for park entry!
Dear those who are pro-vaccines,
I would like to enjoy my decision to not shoot my body full of unnecessary chemicals in order to have a chemically-induced immune system. I would like to build up my immune system naturally.
Dear Mother Nature,
I think you are going through menopause.
Dear men who don't understand lesbian sex,
If you don't understand what we do intimately, I feel bad for your girlfriends...
Dear girlfriends,
If you don't want us watching porn, have sex with us.
Dear porn site,
No, I will not "like" you on Facebook!
Dear single people of the world,
Please understand that you will not meet the person of your dreams while you are drunk at a bar.
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