Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear "my lips are frozen",
You just gave me an excuse to kiss you
Dear smart student in my class,
I'm sorry I keep putting below average students next to you so they can cheat off your paper.
Dear mosquitoes,
Thanks for that...
Dear 50 people who have posted on my Facebook wall for my birthday,
I wonder how many of you actually KNEW my birthday?
Dear boys who let their girlfriends pay for dinner,
Yes, we are judging you.
Dear teenage couple making out in the car next to mine,
Forget you. Being single is awesome. Watch me stuff this big piece of bread into my mouth unattractively because I've got no one to impress.
Dear girl I like,
I'm really attracted to you and according to Newton's laws of gravitation, you're attracted to me, too.
Dear Snow White,
So you taught little girls around the world that if your step-mom is mean to you, run away to live with seven little men, and your prince will come find you.
Dear bathroom stall makers,
Sound proof stalls.
Dear "You're too young to be married",
Not really your problem, is it?
Dear people who poke the glass when picking toppings at Subway,
I know what lettuce is...
Dear girl who thinks common sense is rare,
It's called COMMON sense
Dear Parents,
You'll never ask me to do the laundry again.
Dear Mom saying "But I used changed your diapers",
Yes, and I used to suck on your boobs. Times have changed.
Dear "guns kill people",
Yeh... Spoons make people fat, and pens misspell words.
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