Dear creators of the tampon,
Did you try to make it look like sperm on purpose?
Sincerely, creeped out girl
Dear Science Major Roomate,
No, the Nucleus dissolves into Chromosomes during Prophase. I sometimes read your textbook when I get bored.
Sincerely, Music Major
Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Sincerely, if you want respect, earn it
Dear Mystery Seeker,
"Go to Wal-Mart, buy one banana, two jars of chocolate sauce, and one roll of duct tape. Be sure to look suspicious."
Sincerely, Challenge Accepted
You've managed to unlock my iPhone and beat my high score on temple run.
Sincerely, Teach Me Your Ways
Dear Judgmental Idiots,
Just because I'm slim, fashionably dressed, have a slicked-back hairdo, and a sexy accent, does not mean that I'm gay.
Sincerely, I'm French.
Dear Kay Jewelers,
Every kiss does NOT begin with K.
Sincerely, peck, snog, make-out, smooch, and French
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Sincerely, I don't think dogs care
Dear 6 year old girl I'm babysitting,
Your comments make TV worth watching again.
Sincerely, yes, the guy on Wipeout devoting his run to the girl host will always be single.
Dear Harry Potter fans,
Harry was a descendant of the 3rd brother from the group who made the Deathly Hallows. Voldemort was a descendant of the 2nd brother. This means that Harry and Voldemort were distant cousins.
Sincerely, talk about family feuds
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Sincerely, that doesn't even make sense.
Dear my poor innocent puppy,
Sorry about my dad lifting you up in the air and singing the circle of life
Sincerely, also annoyed daughter
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Sincerely, just spent $600 on music :)
You were right.
Sincerely, Ex-Varsity Footballer, Current Wal-Mart Cashier.