Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear sister,
I apologize for missing the toilet seat so much. I'm a shotgun, not a sniper.
Dear Jehovah's Witness,
Yes, my car (which was in my driveway) door was unlocked. However, that is NOT an open invitation to open my car and leave one of your pamphlets on family life on my console.
Dear teacher who said "no offense" when you called me a Negro,
I'm only half black.
Dear hand sanitizer,
OWIEOWIEOWIEOWIEOWIE OW!!!!
Dear Hogwarts,
That awkward moment when even Hufflepuff rejects you.
Dear Bra,
Thanks for being there for me when Pocket wasn't.
Dear health class,
Don't have sex. Because you will get pregnant and die.
Dear fat tourist,
Please continue buying my "Famous Bermuda Sand" 200 feet away from a beach.
Dear glasses wearer,
Please note that if you leave your glasses lying around, I will inevitably try them on.
Dear Americans,
Remember how you said a black guy would be president when pigs flew? You're welcome.
Dear smart water,
Please is there a minimum intelligence level required to drink this?
Dear Hollister,
It's so dark in here, I can't even read the price tag!
Dear everyone,
I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!
Dear person walking on the sidewalk,
Homeless or hipster?
Dear parents,
Please wait until I leave the house to do your business. The 'going into your room and turning up the TV' trick is getting old.
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