Dear air freshener,
"Do not spray directly onto throat "
I like how I can do anything in them and no one will ever know.
Sincerely, I just made out with a chair and robbed a pet store.
Dear teenage girl,
You like Disney movies? And Harry Potter? AND you're a virgin? What a special and unique snowflake you are!
Dear Americans who say spongebob is Asian because he is yellow, can't drive and does karate,
Well Patrick is pink, fat, lazy and lives under a rock. He must be American.
Sincerely, boom roasted!
Dear Virgin Mobile,
Sincerely, there's a pregnant woman in your ad...
Alright, so my iron levels are too high so I need to eat less red meat, and my vitamin B12 levels are too low so I need to eat more red meat.
Sincerely, wait, what?
How do mermaids reproduce?
Sincerely, lets think logically about this....
When we accidentally fall asleep or are daydreaming in class, there is no need to point a nerf gun at us...
Sincerely, never looking out the window again
Going up to my boyfriend with a fake CIA badge and a water gun is not exactly how I wanted y'all to meet
Sincerely, but that was AWESOME.
Dear girls at school dances,,
Those dresses are WHOREifyingly short.
Sincerely, bad puns.
Dear girl who says she likes bad boys,
Guess what? I went on Disney Channel.com WITHOUT my parents permission.
Sincerely, I'll pick you up at seven.
Dear everyone who was in the Liberty Tree Mall at the time of my cartilage piercing,
Sincerely, the source of the 110-decibal scream you heard today.
Dear doctor looking in my ear,
I broke my ankle...
Sincerely, confused patient
Dear Gay Brother,
How come you get kiss all the hot guys?!?!
Sincerely, Your Jealous Sister