Dear best friend,
On the school residential you woke me up at 5 every morning by vomiting noisily in the bathroom next door. You're eating for two and have changed all your tastes. You've missed your periods for a few months and your boobs and stomach are growing. Plus,, you just told me you'd had sex with two local boys and your brother.
Sincerely, stop kidding yourself and buy the pregnancy test
Please explain the point of only being able to re-grow once...
Sincerely, what happens if i want to sell them for extra money ;)
Please move Minecraft's engine from the resource sucking Java to the much better DirectX. And while you're at it, could you please optimize the game for multi core CPUs? There is no excuse for the game to use only four cores on a six core CPU and then shove 80% of the load onto only one of those four, while the remaining three get the rest.
Sincerely, longtime Minecraft player
Please stop it. I am terrified.
Sincerely, Frightened Teen
Dear George Michael,
Please understand we knew you were gay all along, love you this way, and don't want you to change. We only pretended you were het so our boring boyfriends would dance.
Sincerely, 80s Party Girls
Dear "Driving around town with the girl I love",
I see you and I'm like... You know what I'm like.
You have nothing on me, cos' tonight, I am going to sleep at 11.30 p.m.
Sincerely, world-class lingerer
Dear nicest boy I know,
You're right. You do deserve to get the girl. Unfortunately, appearances do matter and she can't get over your smell, size, and acne.
Sincerely, the girl you're after, who doesn't deserve you anyway.
Please understand how head over heels i am in love with you still
Sincerely, the one guy who likes you and looks your way
Dear drama students,
Please save the drama for your llama.
Sincerely, people don't always like drama all the time
Dear those uninformed,
Please understand that the Bible is figurative. The "seven days" was billions of years, dinosaurs existed, and the Bible corresponds/agrees with Evolution.
Sincerely, a Christian scientist
Dear People who's opinions I didn't ask for,
If you think 'paying to go running in a gym is stupid because you could do that outside' then kindly butt out. Last time I ran outside a man tackled me into the bushes and shoved his hand down my shorts.
Sincerely, but either way, it's really none of your business
Thank you for "shipping" me and my crush!
Sincerely, maybe he'll take the hint
Dear youth pastor,
I've stopped trying to understand the crazy, random things we do at youth group. The Harlem Shake was fun, seeing you in a dress and wig was better.
Sincerely, I wouldn't leave you guys for anything.