Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear creators of the tampon,
Did you try to make it look like sperm on purpose?
Dear Science Major Roomate,
No, the Nucleus dissolves into Chromosomes during Prophase. I sometimes read your textbook when I get bored.
Dear "pretty girls",
I love watching your face when I say, "Did it hurt when you fell from..." and then proceed to say, instead of Heaven, "...the whore tree and bang every guy on the way down?".
Dear Mystery Seeker,
"Go to Wal-Mart, buy one banana, two jars of chocolate sauce, and one roll of duct tape. Be sure to look suspicious."
Dear Pocket,
You've managed to unlock my iPhone and beat my high score on temple run.
Dear Judgmental Idiots,
Just because I'm slim, fashionably dressed, have a slicked-back hairdo, and a sexy accent, does not mean that I'm gay.
Dear Kay Jewelers,
Every kiss does NOT begin with K.
Dear dog food companies with all natural ingredients real meat and vegetables,
My dog just ate a bunch of cicadas and half a pop-tart I dropped on the ground.
Dear 6 year old girl I'm babysitting,
Your comments make TV worth watching again.
Dear Harry Potter fans,
Harry was a descendant of the 3rd brother from the group who made the Deathly Hallows. Voldemort was a descendant of the 2nd brother. This means that Harry and Voldemort were distant cousins.
Dear "soap-free" soap,
Huh?
Dear my poor innocent puppy,
Sorry about my dad lifting you up in the air and singing the circle of life
Dear ex boyfriend who gave my number out to people for "free sex",
That's alright, I have your iTunes password ;)
Dear Nerds,
You were right.
Dear Math Teacher,
Please stop playing the Titanic theme song during our tests
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