Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
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Dear really big guy at the tattoo parlor with so many tattoos and piercings,
Thank you for asking my friend if her purse was a Vera Bradley and perfectly naming the style
Dear optimists,
The closer it is to the weekend, the closer it is to Monday.
Dear Store,
Please have a female cashier... please have a female cashier...
Dear Bruno Mars,
How can you throw your hand in your pants, chill in your snuggie, and strut in your birthday suit all at the same time?
Dear college I want to go to,
You better have a Quidditch team.
Dear attractive men running,
Please keep your shirts on...
Dear aspiring writers,
Please stop using the word "orbs" to describe characters' eyes.
Dear little brother,
You made my day when you saw the model on the underwear package and said, "Well HE must be embarrassed."
Dear telemarketer,
Sorry for answering the phone with "Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?".
Dear Facebook,
Please never, NEVER, create a way for users to see who visits their profiles....or how many times.
Dear boy,
Ok then, before we do this, can you buy me maternity pants and help me decide the baby's name?
Dear women,
Why is seeing you in a bikini ok, but not a bra and panties?
Dear Vogue,
Would you like some articles with those advertisements?
Dear headphones,
I almost fell to my death, thank you for saving me.
Dear next door neighbor,
No, it's not because you're black.
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