Please come and confirm that I'm not pregnant
Sincerely, not sarcastic
Please stop trying to prevent guns in schools with gun laws
Sincerely, since when do criminals follow laws anyways?
Dear male friend,
Thanks for being totally chill about lying on my stomach while we watched TV together. I would do it with any of my female friends, and it's nice to know that just because you're a different gender, you aren't automatically involved with my romantic/sex life.
Sincerely, a girl who's glad that friends can be friends
Please keep coming and reminding me I'm a healthy woman, I'm sorry everyone else seems to hate you
Sincerely, I don't know what their problem is
I had something to tell you, but I just can't remember.
Sincerely, your supposed owner
I thought we agreed on December
Dear AP World teacher,
Please stop complimenting me on my study schedule, and how you wish more students were as "diligent" as me. When you asked how my grades had gotten so high so quickly after them being so low, and I told you how I had started scheduling time for panic attacks while studying. You should not take this as a good thing
Sincerely, a all AP student
One day you will sit, stay and beg.
Sincerely, your dog.
Dear random guy at the bar,
Please use your words before you try to wrap your arms around me.
Sincerely, a conversation could have worked wonders
Dear skinny girls,,
Just because I weigh 110 pounds and you weigh 85 doesn't mean I'm fat.
Sincerely, a 13 year old girl of average weight.
Sincerely, I just raged at that water bottle.
Dear sex ed teachers,
Yeah... As it turns out, abstinence is only 99.98% effective.
Sincerely, the Virgin Mary and Shmi Skywalker
How am I going to pick a college major, if every time I decide on one, you tell me how horrible that job is going to be?
Sincerely, tired of living with Professor Trelawney
Dear people who lecture about fairness and unfairness,
Is it fair for someone to walk out their front door in the morning and not know if she'll make it back alive at the end of the day? Is it fair for her to have to attend the funerals of a dozen people her own age before she's ten? Is it fair for the police to not protect her and her neighbors because they're either paid off by or afraid of the gangs? Is it fair that she gets spit on, ridiculed, and physically assaulted every day because she's the only white person in her neighborhood and one of the only white people in her school? I know what unfairness is, probably better than most, so take your lecture and shove it.
Dear pirates who kidnapped me for ransom,
Please know I enjoyed my time with you, am glad you took my advice of more than doubling my ransom (what you demanded hardly matched my worth), respect you for holding up your bargain upon being paid the aforementioned ransom, and hope there are no hard feelings with me honoring my promise to return to execute each and every one of you
Sincerely, Julius Caesar