Dear alcoholic ex husband,
Please stop begging for me to come back. Stop lying about changing and actually make that change!
Sincerely, ex wife who misses you, her house and pets like crazy.
Dear Jack the Ripper,
We have the same middle name!
Sincerely, Bob the Tomato, Larry the Cucumber, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and Winnie the Pooh.
Please understand that while I am on the internet much of the time... It doesn't mean I have no life and no friends. It's not my fault that the few friends I have in this town can't ever hang out. Please stop comparing me and my lack of sociality to my extremely popular brother. If he's happy hanging out with a bunch of people that don't really like him... The more power to him. But it's time you realized that I'm not that person and I'd much rather be lazy at home, talking to people I like who live thousands of miles away, than to be with the jerks who live nextdoor.
Sincerely, Happy Online
Please stop with the self harm jokes. You never know what people around you could be struggling with.
Sincerely, your friend in the long sleeves
Dear barn cat/feline Hitler,
I appreciate your killer instincts, but my doorstep is not the best place for your critter genocide mass-grave. Try the other SEVERAL ACRES AROUND US
Sincerely, slightly shocked/impressed/terrified by how much you kill and wondering if I'm next
I've decided to marry you. I decided this summer but I'm going to wait to ask until we're both near the end of college before I ask.
Sincerely, I love you
Dear People complaining about group work,
Please stop. There's a decent chance you'll end up with a job in which you have to work with others. Coworkers can be just as bad to work with as other students.
Sincerely, You're getting prepared for the real world.
Dear people who label themselves,
You are restricting yourself far too much--you can be well rounded. You don't have to be the "nerd" or the "jock" or the "prep" or "fangirl." You can have other things in your life!
Dear Guy that lead me on and claimed he had no idea,
Please forgive me for developing feelings for you. It was kind of hard not to when you said all those nice things to me and made me feel like someone actually thought I was pretty and not just some random girl.
Sincerely, the girl still trying to get over you
Please realize, that if you have that much trouble grading things, you should assign less things to be graded.
Sincerely, Common Sense
Dear Girl I really like,
Please stop using my feelings to let you feel good about yourself.
Sincerely, Friend-zoned boy
Dear retail stores,
It's Thanksgiving, not Black Friday Eve. Let us spend time with our families.
Sincerely, retail workers
Dear music store customers,
If you want to try out a guitar, feel free to ask and our staff will be happy to help you out. But please, no Stairway to Heaven, Nothing Else Matters, Smoke on the Water, Iron Man, Sweet Child O Mine, Crazy Train, Back in Black or any other ridiculously overplayed riffs and licks.
Sincerely, the owner who has come to hate these riffs now
Dear transgender cashier,
First off, you present as a woman. You have a feminine face, long hair, a feminine body, etc. Nothing about your appearance as it is now is masculine. That said, if you had simply corrected me by telling me that "actually, I'm a man" or "I identify as male", I would have corrected myself and we could have gone on our separate ways. Instead, you decided to rant about me misgendering you and tried to deny me service. I'm sorry you had a bad day or whatever, but I do not regret getting your manager involved.
Sincerely, have a nice day, ma'am.