Please forgive me. I promised I'd never be one of those drunks who clogged up the system. I don't know what happened, what went wrong. I tried to drown a terrible month, nothing new there, and then suddenly I'm missing five hours of my life, suffering from hypothermia so badly it would have been cause for medical care on it's own, and with a tube in my arm. I never meant for this to happen. You were nothing but professional, which was far more than I deserved. I hope my future regular donations of blood go some way to lessening the debt I owe you.
Sincerely, A very remorseful idiot.
Dear mama and daddy,
What's that? You were thinking that tonight you wanted to practice making me a little sibling? Sounds like the perfect time to sleep between you. PERPENDICULARLY.
Sincerely, Your adorable little c*ckblocker who won't stay in his crib
Dear colorful pad wrappers,
Thank you for enabling my boyfriend to not pay attention and think it was my gum package.
Sincerely, that was awkward.
Dear Sink Fairy,
Please be real. Wave your magic wand over those who put the dishes in the sink in the first place. Then you wouldn't have to visit so often.
Sincerely, Your Sidekick
Dear Racism Goes Both Ways,
Please realize that you witnessed discrimination, not racism which is systematic oppression by governments based on race.
Sincerely, Racism against white people doesn't exist
Everyone's a little bit racist.
Sincerely, Avenue Q
Dear Guy Eating Doritos In Class,
Please stop. I like Doritos as much as the next guy but the moaning noise is a bit unnecessary.
Sincerely, Studious Notetaker
Dear woman next door who screams every night,
Please stop screaming, or atleast inform me if you're being abused or just having wild sex.
Sincerely, concerned and disturbed neighbor.
Please don't pressure girls into sending you pictures.
Sincerely, a girl that did and is now grounded and embarrassed
Like mum, and nana, I am struggling with depression. And I don't know how to tell you. You've seen the scars on my friends arms, the ones I stayed up on the phone to all night, making sure it stopped at the scars, but just because mine are scar-free doesn't mean I escaped unscathed. Yes, I'm doing well at uni. Not as well as I could do, but so much of my energy is wasted just getting up in the morning. Blame it on partying, if it makes you feel better. But when it comes down to it I intentionally turn my room into a mess because, no matter how bad it gets, what dark turn my mind takes, it will never forget how much you hate mess. And as long as my room is a pigsty I can't do anything to myself. I can convince myself the world would be better off without me, but I can't convince myself you'd be able to deal with the squalor I call home. And so I stay alive for another day, another week, long enough to catch another upswing, no matter how brief. And I still don't know how to tell you.
Sincerely, There are friends who can tell at a glance. Why can't you?
Dear people who defend Islam by saying "the same stuff happens in the Bible",
The Bible and Quran are interperated differently and beliefs regarding the texts are different in the religions
Sincerely, the next time a mass Muslim geneocide is being commited by Christians, then you'll have a point
You do know that woman are mammals, right? Were supposed to grow hair down there.
Sincerely, just got a rash from over-waxing
Dear couple I babysit for,
Please note I gave your son's gold fish a funeral, while you were away
Sincerely, pet sitter, who didn't know the fishes name.
I had something to tell you, but I just can't remember.
Sincerely, your supposed owner