You give me impossible homework, I give you impossible handwriting.
Sincerely, have fun grading my paper
If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home.
Sincerely, Why did you ask?
I'm not drunk,
Sincerely, I'm just trying to walk like Jack Sparrow
Dear past self,
Please remember to put toilet paper in the bathroom after you use the last of it.
Sincerely, it's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now...
You're tall. I'm short. I will periodically ask you to grab something from the top shelf.
Sincerely, you're the one who suggested I stop climbing on the counters
Dear illegal Mexican immigrants,
Thank you for distracting the Americans from the other border...
Sincerely, illegal Canadian immigrant
Dear Mr. Weasely,
The exact function of a rubber duck is a bath time companion or toy.
Dear history teacher who told a kid in my class to stop making fun of mormons because "You wouldn't like it if someone made fun of your religion,
He is mormon.
Sincerely, totally made my day
Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
Sincerely, Just saying
Dear online website that asked if I was human,
What do you think I am?
Sincerely, a tiger with thumbs
Dear blondes that get mad at dumb blonde jokes,
People joke that Latinos steal cars, Australians ride kangaroos, Indians work at 7-11, Muslims are terrorists, Chinese people can't drive, Black people are gangsters, and White guys can't dance. Get over it.
Sincerely, Ginger with no soul
Dear Spongebob creators,
A squirrel in a space suit, a snail that meows, and a crab with a whale as a daughter
Sincerely, you guys were high
Dear band teachers,
Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder".
Sincerely, students cracking up
Dear creative writing class,
I'm glad you found all that symbolism in my poem. I was pretty sure I was just writing about a mountain lake.
Sincerely, didn't realize I was that deep.