Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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Dear Sorting Hat,
Is lice ever a problem?
Dear McDonalds,
Are you seriously asking if I have any job experience?
Dear douche bags who used to pick on me in High School,
Revenge is so sweet.
Dear parents,
You want me to pay for my own things... but won't let me get a job?
Dear teachers,
Please tell me how the heck I got that wrong?! It was an OPINION question!
Dear Twihards,
Yes, my name is Rosalie. No, my parents did not name me after the character. Stop asking.
Dear kindergarteners texting on an iPhone,
When I was your age, I had to use cups strung together by a string and pretend it was a landline.
Dear Sleeping Beauty,
While I accomplished saving my entire country from one of the toughest armies in the world, you accomplished... sleeping...
Dear Microsoft Word,
If there was only one spelling suggestion, why didn't you just change it for me?
Dear homophobic boss,
If being gay is such a disease, can I call in sick for the rest of my life?
Dear Verizon commercial,
If I had the choice between a new smart phone and R2-D2, I wouldn't pick the phone.
Dear America,
I would like to propose a new rule: if you can't spell it correctly, don't use it to try to sound smart online.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Please stop saying "Don't play with your food!" You spent the first two years of my life convincing me this spoon was a plane...
Dear students,
I leave that last smudge of ink on the board just to mess with you...
Dear Humans,
I have no interest in eating you. You are in fact more likely to be killed by a vending machine, drowning in the bathtub, tripping over furniture, or an aircraft falling out of the sky.
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