Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
SORT BY
TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear Teachers,
You give me impossible homework, I give you impossible handwriting.
Dear Dad,
If I answer the home phone it's a pretty clear indication that I am, in fact, at home.
Dear police,
I'm not drunk,
Dear past self,
Please remember to put toilet paper in the bathroom after you use the last of it.
Dear husband,
You're tall. I'm short. I will periodically ask you to grab something from the top shelf.
Dear illegal Mexican immigrants,
Thank you for distracting the Americans from the other border...
Dear Mr. Weasely,
The exact function of a rubber duck is a bath time companion or toy.
Dear history teacher who told a kid in my class to stop making fun of mormons because "You wouldn't like it if someone made fun of your religion,
He is mormon.
Dear Boys,
Acting like a dick won't make yours any bigger.
Dear online website that asked if I was human,
What do you think I am?
Dear blondes that get mad at dumb blonde jokes,
People joke that Latinos steal cars, Australians ride kangaroos, Indians work at 7-11, Muslims are terrorists, Chinese people can't drive, Black people are gangsters, and White guys can't dance. Get over it.
Dear Spongebob creators,
A squirrel in a space suit, a snail that meows, and a crab with a whale as a daughter
Dear band teachers,
Please don't look at us weird when we laugh after you say, "Use more tongue and blow harder".
Dear creative writing class,
I'm glad you found all that symbolism in my poem. I was pretty sure I was just writing about a mountain lake.
Dear Google Search,
I typed in, "Why can't I..." and you filled in, "...own a Canadian.".
THIS IS PAGE 2
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