Dear jerk who prank called me at 2am,
I hope you don't mind that I put your number all over the internet.
Sincerely, doesn't do "forgiveness" well.
For the love of all that's holy - stop putting sirens in your music!
Sincerely, just slammed on my brakes looking for the cop.
I was just taking a power nap.
Sincerely, what did you think I was doing?
You don't have to worry about the world ending in 2012. Phil of the Future came back from 2121.
Sincerely, all under control.
Dear " spiders are scared of you",
If they ARE scared of me, then why did the GIANT one near the garage door sit and stare into my soul?!
Sincerely, I think they'll take over the world.
Please, please, please, for the love of all that is holy, do NOT let this thing fall down on me.
Sincerely, wearing a strapless dress.
Dear general population,
When I said, "How stupid can you be?" - it wasn't meant as a challenge.
We wore our pants like that first!
Sincerely, a very angry plumber.
I didn't slap you. I gave you a flatbread knuckle sandwich.
Sincerely, shut up.
Dear Julius Caesar,
What did you think Brutus meant when he said, "I got your back"?
Sincerely, some things should be taken literally.
Please stop saying "OMG!" all the time. I hate prank calls.
I only like you for your body.
Sincerely, English teachers.
Dear Edward Cullen,
You stay young forever and sneak into the rooms of young girls? How original.
Sincerely, Peter Pan.
Please stop with the talking ads that start on their own.
Sincerely, just had a heart attack.