Also By Us Slow Robot I Waste So Much Time I Waste So Much Money
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TODAY
THIS WEEK
THIS MONTH
ALL TIME
Dear sun,
My whole world revolves around you.
Dear self-conscious teen,
Whenever you're feeling down, just remember: YOU were the fastest sperm.
Dear people who want flying cars,
That'd be cool, but you could probably only fly them in special areas, and you'd probably need special training, and specific fuel, and they'd probably be super expensive . . .
Dear parents who told me "college is the fountain of knowledge",
Yeah, well, students go there to drink.
Dear movie theater usher,
What do you mean my bag smells like fast food?
Dear smart water,
Please is there a minimum intelligence level required to drink this?
Dear girls playing never have I ever,
WHAT HAVEN'T YOU DONE?!
Dear Hollister,
It's so dark in here, I can't even read the price tag!
Dear Americans,
Remember how you said a black guy would be president when pigs flew? You're welcome.
Dear student who gets my Chemistry text book next year,
You're welcome.
Dear neighbor looking out the window at the wrong moment,
Well. This just got awkward.
Dear Stephen King,
You're a jerk.
Dear person who thought it was a high five,
That's just how I wave.
Dear person trying to push a pull door,
AHAHAHAHAHA........oops.
Dear teacher who says "I don't know CAN you?" after a I ask if I can go to the bathroom,
When I was using can, I was using it's secondary modal form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought that since you were a teacher, you would know that.
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