Dear guy trying to guess my age,
I can't decide which is worse: the fact that you mistook me for a middle schooler, or the fact that apparently all the girls my age are trying too hard to look 25 wherever you're from.
Sincerely, I'm 15
How many tickles did it take for the octopus to laugh?
Please stop smelling
Dear youth pastor,
I've stopped trying to understand the crazy, random things we do at youth group. The Harlem Shake was fun, seeing you in a dress and wig was better.
Sincerely, I wouldn't leave you guys for anything.
Dear people who say we'll all die from ebola,
Of course we will. Just like we all died from swine flu, avian flu, SARS and mad cow disease?
Dear Precious Puppy,
Please know I love you and will never forget you. I'm sorry I didn't find in the tick in time; your favourite toy is buried with you.
Sincerely, Your Owner who loves you
Could you find another way to tell me eating pop tarts and donuts and drinking slurpees and sodas is a bad idea?
Sincerely, it's 12:15 AM I can't sleep and I'm resisting the urge to violently puke my guts out
Please stop saying "just roll with the punches"
Sincerely, what if I never stop being hit?
Please stop calling us "freaks". Just because we defy gender stereotypes doesn't mean that we can't be beautiful and kind like every other girl.
Sincerely, Female Martial Arists
Please forgive me for telling the guidance counselors on you. I was only trying to help you. I'm scared for you. It hurts me more than you can know when I see the scars from the cuts on your arms.
Sincerely, your friend who's begging you for forgiveness and only wanted you to get help.
When you answer the phone while exercising, it sounds much more inappropriate than you think.
Sincerely, Nearly-traumatized employee
Please understand that I'm graduating a year early, get to work early, have time for my girlfriend and chores.
Sincerely, I'm not slacking off when I don't get up on time on the weekends, I have the time to get things done
Dear slut shamers,
Please explain your logic to me. I often hear you saying that girls who wear short skirts and/or low-cut tops are sluts. If that was the case, I would become a slut in no more than a few seconds by simple changing clothes.
Sincerely, a confused person
Unless you learn some tricks from the books I read, I refuse to spend more time with you.
Sincerely, or we could compromise at sound effects and background music.