Dear Harry Potter,
Please tell me, did you just burn Quirrell's face off with your bare hands?
Sincerely, This is darker than I remember
Please tell me, do you really have 1000 year old plumbing?
Sincerely, Salazar Slytherin master of toilets
I filled out a job application for you and suddenly my inbox is being spammed like crazy. Seriously, how classless of you using job applications to get peoples' e-mails to sell to scam websites.
Sincerely, never going to Macy's again
Dear customer who looked at me like I was idiot when I asked what kind when they ordered a small,
We have 24 flavors.
Sincerely, I'm going to need a little more to go on.
Dear Gun Toting Americans,
Please realise that everyone else is sick of you acting shocked every time there's a mass shooting.
Sincerely, countries who don't think citizens need assault rifles
I don't hate you. I don't care about your sexual orientation. I just don't even like homosexual people who get all PDA. So please forgive me if I say "gross" when you are making out. It's the act that's disgusting, not the person. Just like it's the sin, not the sinner.
Sincerely, A "heterophobic" gay
Please stop freaking out over every little thing.
Sincerely, there are worse problems than someone eating some of your soup.
Dear research paper,
let's get this over with
Please note that when there is a fire in the mall and everybody needs to evacuate, it means not only you, but the staff working in the shops too. The staff will not be there to process your returns and refunds, nor will they be there to run the cinema, no matter what your movie ticket says. This is for your safety, so get out and come back later.
Sincerely, the mall management staff who was nearly run over multiple times by shoppers who do not understand t
Dear Angry People,
Please note that you cannot 'steal' someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. Not unless you think people are property.
Sincerely, save most of your anger for the cheaters.
Dear girl/boy who said they were embarrassed about not having a boyfriend at 15,
Please, don't even sweat it babe. I'm 17 and haven't had my first kiss yet.
Sincerely, you think you've been waiting alone?!
I just realised 'mother of pearl' is called that because it comes from oyster shells. Literally the mother's of pearls.
Sincerely, Did everyone else already know?
Please get over hating Obama. You should hope he proves you wrong and does something good for our country instead of hating him.
Sincerely, I'm not a democrat, but I'm smart enough to know I want the best for my country.
Please know that if you bring your cappuccino back for being 'too foamy' you will get, and deserve, a death stare.
Sincerely, Order a damn latte
Dear people who freak out when books are even dog-eared,
Please, cut it out with the dirty looks. When I read a non-special edition book, it goes to work with me, to the bathroom, even when I eat or make breakfast. It gets thrown in the front seat of the car and shoved into an overfilled backpack. There's toothpaste stains where I've brushed my teeth as I read, nail polish stains, even tears.
Sincerely, it's a book. It's meant to be well-read and well-loved.