Dear fellow freshmen,
Resistance is futile, accept your status and take advantage
Sincerely, they all hate us on principle anyway
Please excuse my outward grumpiness. It was an act and I'm happy you played matchmaker.
Sincerely, happy and too chicken to do it herself
It is never smart to piss off a sick person...
Sincerely, Don't make me cough on you... Or worse, sneeze
I am so looking forward to the excuse to wear tiny shorts and cute tank tops with micro mini bikinis
Sincerely, I love my body. Is there a problem?
Why WOULDN'T I touch the butt? Butts are great!
Please stop asking me when I'm going t get a boyfriend.
Sincerely, what happened to no dating until 30
Dear people that check behind the shower curtain for murderers,
what are you going to do when you find one?
Sincerely, I check with a baseball bat
Dear idiot that jumped my back fence to take my new puppy,
I bet you didn't realize that I had a protection trained Rottweiler in my yard too.
Sincerely, I think you may need a new pair of pants.
Dear woman in Walmart yelling at me,
Please get your facts straight before you judge
Sincerely, the girl watching her nephew while her sister is doing her chemo
I'm sorry I shocked you on the nose! I was only trying to boop you!
Sincerely, Come back!!!
Dear Orientation Leader,
Thank you for taking me seriously when I said I have anxiety issues and can't go to some mandatory events. I have suffered and hid a lot of unnecessary panic attacks in the past year because I was too afraid of being brushed off by adults in authority if I told them the truth.
Sincerely, the freshman who really needed to be treated as an actual human being
Dear textbook word problems,
Please stop trying to make everything sound all diverse and all-inclusive. It's not working.
Sincerely, "LaToya, Heidi, Suzuki, Josefina and Joe went out for lunch..."
Can someone explain to me the hype about bacon? I mean, it's good I guess, but I'm going on three years without it and I'm fine. Is there something I'm missing?
Sincerely, confused vegetarian
Dear Somewhat Prejudiced Mother,
When we were living in the deep south, you let me go visit the gay couple across the street to see if their dog could come out to play. When you found out that one of my friends is transgender, you just asked me in private what pronouns to use, and have said nothing about it to him or anyone else. When I brought home friends who practice religions you were raised to hate, you made them feel welcome, and you said nothing when I brought home a boy with a different skin color, even though you thought I was planning to ask him out. Thank you for teaching me about tolerance.
Sincerely, I know it bothers you sometimes, but they don't, and I'm grateful