You're adorable, but please stop stepping on me while I'm lying down.
Sincerely, Ow! Not the boob!
Dear "I wasnt that drunk",
You were going around the bar, dipping your fingers in wine and then rubbing people's foreheads and saying "simba!"
Sincerely, yeah you were pretty drunk
Dear bubble wrap factory workers,
I applaud your self-control
Need an ark?
Sincerely, I Noah guy