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Dear English teacher,
Thank you for calling America a free country and then letting me sit on the window sill for the duration of class.
Dear classmates,
Please stop picking on him. You know, that kid. The one who doesn't look/talk/dress/act/etc like the rest of you. He's actually a really nice guy, and an excellent artist. There's no reason for making him feel horrible every day.
Dear Early Bird,
Screw that, I'm sleeping in.
Dear tampon commercials,
Am I supposed to feel like dancing on a beach in white spandex while I'm on my period?
Dear Relative,
I heard how you wanted to see the Super Bowl, or at least as much as you could. I heard how you told everyone you knew it was your time and that you would flicker the lights once you were in heaven. It didn't take you long to turn the lights off at the Superbowl AND have the Ravens win.
Dear Taggers,
This is the third time this month you have painted grafitti on my fence. Be prepared to be painted back.
Dear six-fingered man,
You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Dear Adele,
It sounds like your love life is worse than mine...
Dear 64 pack of Crayola crayons,
Thank you for making me the cool kid in elementary school.
Dear windshield-wiper making companies,
You seriously can't figure out how to get that one little triangle?
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